"And I think my spaceship knows which way to go..."

Death. That's all that's out there. An endless, black void crammed with asteroids trying to kill you. They look like they're just drifting through space, but you know better. Let your guard down for one second, and some stray hunk of rock will careen into your ship and smash it into oblivion. That's if you're lucky. It'd be a quick way to go. But there other things out there, too. Aliens. A whole fleet of enemy spacecrafts, hunting you down like an animal. They could appear at any time, randomly spewing pixilated bullets and occasionally getting a lucky hit. Between that and the rocks, you don't stand much of a chance. You've got three lives, and they can be lost oh-so easily. Make no mistake. You will die here. It's just a matter of when.

But if you're any good, it could take a while. You're vastly outnumbered, but your ship has everything you need to keep you alive. Just barely, anyway. There's a laser cannon mounted on its hull, but it only fires one shot at a time. That's tough, especially when you've got massive chunks of space debris being flung at you from every angle. You can turn your ship in any direction, which allows your aim an impressive level of precision. You'll need it, too. Whenever you blast a boulder to smithereens, it'll split off into two smaller, faster-moving pieces. Hit those, and they'll be reduced to little bits of rock that go zooming across the screen at a stunningly quick pace. Thus the groups of lumbering, giant asteroids turn into an uncontrollable mass of flying deathtraps. Enemy spaceships will appear every so often and try to snipe you, which makes surviving the chaos a nearly impossible task.

At least you're not stuck in one place. Thanks to the ship's thrusters, you can maneuver anywhere on the screen with a simple grip of the joystick. You've just go to press forward to get the engines started, then left or right to change directions. It's a simple setup, but the controllers aren't exactly user-friendly. The joystick is hardly the epitome of precision handling, and the button placements on the side make shooting and firing at the same time an awkward task. It's especially awful when you're trying to carefully maneuver out of the way of an oncoming asteroid, only for the game to misread the joystick commands and send you flying across the screen. If you can, try playing it with the Joypad, which resembles the NES controller. The layout gives you less of a hassle, and the game tends to respond better to it. Either way, don't rely too much on the ship's warping ability. Not if you value your life. You can have your ship vanish and reappear at another point on the screen. It's great for moments in which you have no other way to dodge certain death, but it could randomly land you right in the path of another asteroid.

You know you're screwed when your own ship is designed to kill you.

The game spares you the grisly visuals of your inevitable demise. You won't see the rending metal, the lifeless body floating out into the starry abyss. What you will see, however, is a port of an old game with some new graphics. The original Asteroids was done with nothing but vector lines. Good enough for the arcades in the late seventies, but utterly dull. The Atari 2600 version was a horrendous mess of slow-moving, multicolored blobs that lacked any details whatsoever. The 7800 improves upon it in every possible way. The asteroids have more defined shapes; you can see slight shadows and crevices, giving them depth and just a tiny hint of animation. The colors are much more vibrant, offering visions of a cosmos crammed with orange and green in every direction. They even leave little clouds of debris behind when they get hit, which is a nice touch. The also moves much faster and smoother, which complements the pacing and challenge. It's nothing compared to even the simplest of today's flash games, but it was impressive for its day.

It's not perfect, though. Yeah, it's got the tried and true gameplay that made the original Asteroids such an amazing experience. It's challenging, fast-paced, and devastatingly addictive. That's all great. But the controls drag it down. Unless you've got a Joypad around, you're going to find playing this a tedious experience. It doesn't make it unplayable, but it's nowhere near as good as it should. It's a shame, considering how slick that little triangular ship can move. Not to mention how much of an update this is compared to the 2600 version. But hey, don't let that stop you. Asteroids is one of the greatest gems of old school gaming for a reason. Play it once, and you'll see why.

Reviewer's Score: 7/10, Originally Posted: 03/08/10

Game Release: Asteroids (US, 1986)