Mel Brooks Final Fantasy: Water Crystal Clash

#1DragonFistAbysiPosted 1/29/2013 10:41:20 PMmessage detail
The Triumphant return of the Mel Brooks style FF. For the full story go to: http://z15.invisionfree.com/ztx/index.php?showtopic=14&st=0

Characters:
Name- Eli Woatangreeganburgan
Class- Plumber/WhiteMage; AKA: Clerical Plumber
Talent- Can unstop toilets with a single plunge!
Magic- Holy
Weapon of Choice- Wand type
Age- 21
Gender- Male
Height- 4'1"
Weight- 169
Build- Stocky

A devout plumbing Cleric, Eli prays to the Holy Crap 10 times a day for each
hour mark on the clock that coincides with a point on a pentagram. (12, 3,
5, 7, 9)

He is forceful in his teachings and scoldings to the non believers, yet he
is envious of their relaxed, Crap-free life styles.

Eli was created by Teryngale

Name- Captain *****Slapper
Class- Monk/StreetFighter; AKA: Uh... Captain *****Slapper
Talent- Can beat the holy living **** out of people.
Magic- None
Weapon of Choice- the kind that makes your face bloody
Age- 29
Gender- Male
Height- 5'7"
Weight- 141
Build- Lean

The Captain, as he likes to be called (or he'll make you bleed profusely),
is a rough-tough ex-cop from Pravoka that catches evil his own way or the
high-way.

He trained at Gurgu Volcano for ten years before returning to Pravoka, where
he got addicted to GTA, and it made him kill all the cops and use fire bombs
on all the houses. Then he hijacked all the ships from the port's travel
service and made them sink each other. After that carnage, he went into the
isolated lands between Pravoka and Coneria and not heard from for 5 years
until he arrived at the gates of Coneria Castle and met the rest of the
party.

Another character by Teryngale, still amusing:

Name- FIGHTER Fixed it
Class- Swordsman
Talent- Is really good with swords
Magic- Can make stuff using swords
Weapon of Choice- swords
Age- the legal age of sword use
Gender- Male
Height- 6'2"
Weight- 200
Build- big

He loves swords. Alot. And shinies.

Can you say copyright infringement? I LOVE YOU, though, XScorpion! Besides, we fixed him so he wasn't a copy.


Name- Horror O' Riley
Class- Stripper/Black Mage; AKA: Lady with lots of desired talents
Talent- Most guys know without being told
Magic- Dark
Weapon of Choice- Stick
Age- She wouldn't tell us.
Gender- Female
Height- 4'5"
Weight- 105, at least we think so.
Build- Slim figure, but no one was brave enough to find out her
measurements.

Not much to go on. She has a quick temper, a hot body, and magic that puts
the world around her on edge. And she says "Hi! ^_~" Beware White
Mage/Plumber dude, she is very tempting, and she has a crapfree life, maybe.

This character is obviously created by Sarda Sage.

Name: Ramboner
Occuptaion: Take a wild guess... or ask all the ladies (Gigolo)
Talent: Pacifying all female-type monsters
Magic: Pleasurating
Weapon of Choice: "Rod"
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 185 Lbs.
Build: Umm... Think Rob in "Deuce Bigolow" or however you spell it
:
This was created by Massive_Lemon, who we never saw again.

Name: Michelle
Occupation: Horror's Pet
Race: Vicious beast
Talent: Men beware
Weapon: Gnashers
Gender: Female
All other info... we were too afraid to collect...
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#2DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:45:31 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi
Last time stuff happened. The end. And then it started again.
After collecting the Earth and fire orbs, our loose definition of heroes went to Bajamut to get clothes changes because for one, Eli doesn't like being dressed like a Gothic Lolita. But Horror in burnt clothes does equal hot... *boom!*
Ahem! While the Dragon King made them clothes, they went to Matoya to get some magic cookies. Yum! XP
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#3DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:46:31 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi
Eli: You know this is a very long cave.
Ramboner: Yeah, weird, right? I mean it takes us 15 seconds to get from the entrance to the lobby and it's never taken us more the 30 to check the whole place out.
Eli: Yet, this time we've been walking for five minutes. You sure we're in the right place?
Ramboner: One sec, *slips through the conveniently placed entrance and looks at the address* yep, it's the right place.
Eli: Wait, if the door's right there, then the lobby has to be right here. *peeks through door and sees a load of brooms* or not. You think she had some work done to the place?
Ramboner: Probably. I can't imagine where she'd get the money from though.
Eli: You know what's weird, there's only one entrance when you fly over, but there are multiple exits. How does that work?
Ramboner: Well, it's kinda like the ice cave, you have one entrance but two exits. The entrance brings you to only one place, but the exits take you out to the same place. Plainly put, it's magic.
Eli: Yeah, but you left and came back. Shouldn't you be back at the entrance then?
Ramboner: I kept my foot inside.
Eli: Oh-kay, well, if it works, it works. One question though...
Ramboner: Shoot.
Eli: How do you know about the ice cave and it's exits?
Ramboner:...well, you see...
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#4DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:47:03 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi
Eli *dragging his feet: How long have we been walking?
Ramboner: Seems like it's been over a month, but it can't be. *Sighs*
Eli: Well, store room has to be around here somewhere...
Ramboner: Have you ever played Zelda?
Eli: Ya, so?
Ramboner: Do you remember the Lost Forest?
Eli: Ya, so?
Ramboner: Maybe this whole time, we've been walking through the same section of hall over and over and have to go in a certain direction to proceed. Think it could be like that here?
Eli: I'm a Plumb Mage, don't you think I'd notice if magic like that were applied?
Ramboner:...No.
Eli: Neither do I, let's go back.
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#5DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:47:34 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi
Horror: Hey, Captain... you fight with your hands, right? Is it hard to learn?
Captain *****Slapper: Not really, you just spend 1000 hours playing GTA and you're set. That or learn some Cat Kung Fu or something.
Horror: Did you study some Cat Kung Fu?
Captain: I wanted to... I mean, I love cats.
Horror: What do you do? Eat cats?
Captain: Well, not anymore.
Matoya: I prefer to eat the beaver.
Captain and Horror:...Cookies are better.
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#6DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:48:06 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi
Eli and Ramboner turn a corner, and find a pot bobbing back and forth that's bobbing back and forth.
Eli: Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Ramboner: Yea, it's a freakin' ghost! o_o;
Eli: What are you? Five?!
Eli push the pot over and watches as a body wriggles out.
Ramboner: We've solved the mystery! The ghost is really...!
Eli hits Ramboner.
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#7DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:48:37 PMmessage detail
-Sarda Sage
Imp 1: Dude! After 14 or 15 months, we triuphantly return. We wanted to say by popular demand, but no one demanded it.
Imp 2: In fact, Dude! I don't think anyone ever even said a word about it.
Imp 3: D00d! I quit! I got a new job during the downtime.
Imp 1: Dude! Where do you work now?
Imp 3: D00d! I work at Burger King!
*Imp 2 picks up a molotov cocktail and... goes to Burger King!*
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#8DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:49:09 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi

Eli and Ramboner untie Matoya.
Matoya: What took you guys so long?
Eli: Ramboner is apparently only five.
Ramboner: We'd have found her faster if she didn't have a ten mile hallway.
Matoya: Why didn't you just eat one of my cookies? That makes the hall way shorter.
Ramboner: Do you have any?
Matoya: I did. That imposter tossed me in the cookie jar so that's what I've been eating.
Ramboner: Whoa, you must be high.
Matoya: No, I crashed days ago. Where are the others?"
Eli: They're with the imposter.
Matoya: I see. You, boy, go get rid of the imposter while this girl and me make more cookies!
Eli: But I'm--
Matoya: Don't worry about knowing how to cook! I'll teach you plenty.
Ramboner: Works for me!
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#9DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:49:53 PMmessage detail
~shadow_master01
Posted 6/18/2012 6:57:06 PM

It LIVES !!!

Ah, the "looks like a girl" jokes just keep comming. Hehehe.

Glad to see this around again.
---
Never let a beautiful woman pick your path for you
when there is a man in her line of sight. ~Wizards First Rule
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/
#10DragonFistAbysi(Topic Creator)Posted 1/29/2013 10:50:32 PMmessage detail
~DragonFistAbysi

You makes me blush and prideful. -^_^-

Alphmega said she'd post, and when she does I'm sure she'll post in beet red letters too. >_<
---
"Do you have what it takes to join the army?" I have a sword and violent tendencies.
http://arklock.blogspot.com/