Why Double Dragon Will Never be Released Again

#1TheBloodyChampPosted 6/5/2010 7:13:53 PM
Double Dragon is my favorite video game of all time. Regardless of that, itís considered one of the greatest video games of all time by gamers and critics from all ends of the gaming and entertainment industries. It was a staple in arcades for years, whether in itís first incarnation or one of itís two sequels. It went on to every notable console of the 8 and 16 bit years, and even many not so notable consoles! There were Double Dragon cartoons, Double Dragon T-shirts, Double Dragon movies, and really everything else that the eighties produced as far as marketing and merchandising. Double Dragon made lots of money and was a good product of itís industry. Not everything that made money in the eighties was necessarily a good product. Countless money grubbing video games, cartoons, songs and appliances from the eighties still give people nightmares. Even many of them got and still get second, third, fourth, and thirty eighth chances but not Double Dragon.

Fans of the game can always be found without looking to far, even without the internet at oneís disposal. Double Dragon memorabilia pops up in malls and pop culture circles. The game makes a nostalgic dent in the gaming industry every so often, with the most recent being itís 15 more minutes of fame on the Wii (I explain that metaphorically because Iím not exactly sure how that wentÖI am very behind on gaming and donít own a Wii. I just know that Double Dragon came out on the Wii in some form other than physical media, similar to how a song comes out on itunes and not on CD). Fans continue to buy most of these products even though they now have many more important responsibilities in life. That is a testament to how great the game was and how the fans still love it. Unfortunately, none of these new Double Dragon products include a game on a console.

Double Dragon is a fantastic video game that stands the test of time while remaining a good sign of itís time. The eighties have regained most of their fans so itís pretty puzzling that Double Dragon hasnít gotten properly raised from itís ashes. A little piece of everything that people are now looking back on and smiling about from the eighties can be seen in Double Dragon. The cheesy but admirable camaraderie that the brothers keep is straight out of eighties macho ilk. The music rocks. The fists fly. The girl is hot and she belongs to the winner. There is no trophy for second place, even if second place is your own brother.

That illuminates our own mission, finding out why Double Dragon will never be released again. Today, see, there is a trophy for second, third, and again thirty eighth place. The winner never takes what he earns. Violence is never the answer, especially concerning women. If Billy were to rescue Marion this day and age, he wouldnít find her imprisoned by Jimmy. Heíd find her imparted by Jimmy. Heíd still try to kill Jimmy but Marion would jump him halfway through the scuffle and allow Jimmy to land the heart punch, pun intended. There could even be an alternate ending to this bad boy just as there were on the NES. Billy could actually kill Jimmy only to have Marion call the cops and have him taken to jail and dubbed some angry, messed up man, because even when you catch your woman being nailed by another dude, violence is not the answer. The answer is to keep an open mind, and maybe join them in this wonderful world of threesomes and gay sex. Itís your best bet really. Even if you decline and go about your business, you are seen as an outcast. No human could actually go without sexing it up withÖwhatÖatleast 20 people in a lifetime? Plus a few more of the same sex? And surely no human has to offer an explanation or a justification of such merits. Sadly, that is why we will never see Double Dragon again, although there has probably since been a spoof porno out there somewhere with the same name that still remains in printÖand the dragon lives.