The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Skyrim From Being Aburden to Their Parents or Province, and
For Making Them Beneficial to The Public.

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through many Skrim towns or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and asking every passer by for a single coin. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless children: who as they grow up will probably become thieves for want of work, or fight in the war that is now in Skyrim.

I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the province a very great additional grievance.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.

A child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.

I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing Imperial of my acquaintance in LCyrodil, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in place of other popular meats, such as beef, and will be found in many rich people's houses.


I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that for every hundred children born, 12 of them may be reserved for breed. I would always the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little vintage wine will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in the summerset isles.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children. Another advantage of this is that infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about 20 gold per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give 50 gold for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have 30 gold net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.As to our province of Skyrim,, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting cliff racers.

These are all the points of my idea, and i would love it if anyone could debate with me about it.

Written by Bretonwtf (no1 steal it on me... i have ppl willing to vouch that i made this!), published on authority of Emperor Monkeybones23.