You will need mammoth cheese, an elbalming tool, a daedra heart, a spear, a pair of striped curtains, a fire extinguisher, the blood of Jimmy Page and a full ochestra playing Beethoven's Ninth.
K, I got all those, what do I do now?
First, travel to Black Marsh. Here, you must mummify 12 elves in 5 minutes. Now, put the daedra heart in your mouth, stuff the spear up your butt and pretend you're the canine version of Dracula, with the curtains draped over the lower portion of your face. Next, inject the blood of Page into your blood stream (still while doing the above, but not the mummification). Whilst the ochestra is playing Beethoven perform an air guitar solo. The rest (and most tedious and long part) is straight forward from there.
"I just wanna see how long it takes for this to get deleted"