Skyrim Jokes

#1Nar_GarzhvogPosted 12/6/2012 7:22:52 PM
I just wanna read some good Skyrim jokes.

I don't know any real good Skyrim jokes but I do know one kinda dumb one.

Have you ever asked a skooma user what it does? Well one day I did, the short conversation went like this.

Somewhere in the forests near Riften I met a Kajhit standing next to the road. He called me over he said he was trying to sell something. Something not legal.

Skooma? What's that? What's it do?

"All you need to know is once you drink it, you'll get to the cloud district."

My friends and I aren't clever. I hope I get to read some better ones than that^^^
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Have a nice day
--- Garzhvog
#2marceloxlrPosted 12/6/2012 7:28:50 PM
[This message was deleted at the request of a moderator or administrator]
#3Takeda123Posted 12/6/2012 7:38:08 PM(edited)
"All you need to know is once you drink it, you'll get to the cloud district."


I'll never look at Nazeem the same way again...
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Pre-Patch: NERF BKGA, DWGR, and BACKSTABS!
Post Patch:The game is meant for you to exploit!
#4Nar_Garzhvog(Topic Creator)Posted 12/6/2012 7:32:24 PM
marceloxlr posted...
*Racist joke*

Do you know what's the best class and armor for a sneak class?

Answer: Redguard with ebony armor.


Hahahaha
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Have a nice day
--- Garzhvog
#5SpurnerPosted 12/6/2012 7:53:06 PM
What's the best way to eat the Riverwood Chicken?

One leg over each shoulder.
#6Nikore gfPosted 12/7/2012 3:11:05 PM
Why did Camilla Valerius dump Sven?

Because he gave her mudcrabs.
#7SpurnerPosted 12/7/2012 3:39:26 PM
Nikore gf posted...
Why did Camilla Valerius dump Sven?

Because he gave her mudcrabs.


That's a long, itchy walk to the Whiterun alchemist for the cream and little comb.
#8Nikore gfPosted 12/7/2012 4:00:00 PM
A Nord, a Dark Elf and an Argonian are walking along through the woods in Skyrim when they spot a few bandits squatting near a defiled shrine to Mara. The three manage to chase off the bandits and clean up the shrine when suddenly a maiden appeared right before their eyes. She looked at each of them and said:

"I am Mara, goddess of love, patron of the bountiful earth, and source of mortal compassion and understanding. You have rid my shrine of those awful bandits and restored it to its former glory. For that, I will reward you. Step forth, each of you, and I shall grant you one wish."

The Dark Elf was first to speak:

"Oh, ever loving goddess full of grace, your charity knows no bounds. My people came to this harsh land centuries ago to escape a mountain of fire and ash, but we were greeted with hostility and mistrust. Please, gather all of my Dunmer brothers and sisters in Skyrim and send us back to our homeland, Morrowind.

Mara nodded, and instantly the Dark Elf vanished.

"He and all of his kin have been sent to their rightful home. Who else seeks my guidance?"

The Argonian spoke next.

"Loving missstresss, I wisssssh to sssseee my fellow Shadowsssscales back in my home of Black Marsssssh. However, many of my kin are being held as ssssslaves in this land. If you could, I requessssst that you send every Argonian in Sssssskyrim back to Black Marsh, ssssso we can essssscape this oppresssssssion."

A smile came over Mara's face, and the Argonian vanished as well. She looked at the remaining Nord.

"Your companions have been sent to their homelands, my child. Now tell me, what do you desire most?"

The Nord looked at her for a moment, then said:

"You mean to tell me that all the greyskins and lizards are out of Skyrim?

I... guess I'll take a sweetroll, then."
#9SpurnerPosted 12/7/2012 4:15:46 PM
^^ lol

A cave bear and a saber cat were each relieving themselves in the woods. The cave bear looked over at the saber cat and said, "hey, do you have any trouble with crap sticking to your fur?"

The saber cat replied, "no, I don't."

The cave bear promptly wiped his hindquarters with the saber cat and went his merry way.
#10Nar_Garzhvog(Topic Creator)Posted 12/7/2012 5:09:52 PM
Nikore gf posted...
A Nord, a Dark Elf and an Argonian are walking along through the woods in Skyrim when they spot a few bandits squatting near a defiled shrine to Mara. The three manage to chase off the bandits and clean up the shrine when suddenly a maiden appeared right before their eyes. She looked at each of them and said:

"I am Mara, goddess of love, patron of the bountiful earth, and source of mortal compassion and understanding. You have rid my shrine of those awful bandits and restored it to its former glory. For that, I will reward you. Step forth, each of you, and I shall grant you one wish."

The Dark Elf was first to speak:

"Oh, ever loving goddess full of grace, your charity knows no bounds. My people came to this harsh land centuries ago to escape a mountain of fire and ash, but we were greeted with hostility and mistrust. Please, gather all of my Dunmer brothers and sisters in Skyrim and send us back to our homeland, Morrowind.

Mara nodded, and instantly the Dark Elf vanished.

"He and all of his kin have been sent to their rightful home. Who else seeks my guidance?"

The Argonian spoke next.

"Loving missstresss, I wisssssh to sssseee my fellow Shadowsssscales back in my home of Black Marsssssh. However, many of my kin are being held as ssssslaves in this land. If you could, I requessssst that you send every Argonian in Sssssskyrim back to Black Marsh, ssssso we can essssscape this oppresssssssion."

A smile came over Mara's face, and the Argonian vanished as well. She looked at the remaining Nord.

"Your companions have been sent to their homelands, my child. Now tell me, what do you desire most?"

The Nord looked at her for a moment, then said:

"You mean to tell me that all the greyskins and lizards are out of Skyrim?

I... guess I'll take a sweetroll, then."


Ohhhh I liked this one. It's got everything racism, having to know the game a little, and a free sweetroll.
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Have a nice day
--- Garzhvog