How to review a Nintendo Game.

#11GeminiX7Posted 11/29/2012 3:39:09 PM
TheGamingGolfer posted...
Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.

So basically any Wii game gets a 2 point disadvantage?


Yes. Thats kinda the point.
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#12P4wn4g3Posted 11/29/2012 4:05:12 PM
Enigma149 posted...
Super Smash Bros.: Melee
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, +2, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
No.

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
No.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup, 5/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup 4/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
Nothing.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. Now it's only 3/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
No.

Does it have online? Add 1.
No.

So, our final score for Melee is...3/10

Oh gee you're right, quality can be accurately based on only a handful of superficial factors.

How about this:

Enigma149 posted...
Metroid Prime Trilogy
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
Yes, 5/10

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
Yes, so now we're at 4/10.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 3/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 2/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
It's not a Zelda game; nothing happens.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. 1/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

Does it have online? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

So, our final score for Metroid Prime Trilogy is... 1/10

Ah brilliant.

The real formula goes:
Is the company well known? N = +6/10, Y = Add 10/10
Is the company funding this review? N = -4/10 Y = -4/10 + (contribution/1000)
Would it look like we are company loyalists if we make this review too good? No = +2/10, Yes = -2.91235132111/10
Is the company a major player on the E3 scene? No = Add 2/10, Yes = Replace x/10 integer with 9 keeping the float value.
Is this game very obviously good? No = Do Nothing, Yes = If unknown company, add 1, else Do Nothing
Is this game very obviously bad? No = If unknown company, subtract 4, elseDo Nothing. Yes = Do Nothing
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This is my serious face.
#13KroganBallEater(Topic Creator)Posted 11/29/2012 4:17:51 PM
P4wn4g3 posted...
Enigma149 posted...
Super Smash Bros.: Melee
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, +2, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
No.

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
No.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup, 5/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup 4/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
Nothing.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. Now it's only 3/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
No.

Does it have online? Add 1.
No.

So, our final score for Melee is...3/10

Oh gee you're right, quality can be accurately based on only a handful of superficial factors.

How about this:

Enigma149 posted...
Metroid Prime Trilogy
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
Yes, 5/10

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
Yes, so now we're at 4/10.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 3/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 2/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
It's not a Zelda game; nothing happens.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. 1/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

Does it have online? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

So, our final score for Metroid Prime Trilogy is... 1/10

Ah brilliant.

The real formula goes:
Is the company well known? N = +6/10, Y = Add 10/10
Is the company funding this review? N = -4/10 Y = -4/10 + (contribution/1000)
Would it look like we are company loyalists if we make this review too good? No = +2/10, Yes = -2.91235132111/10
Is the company a major player on the E3 scene? No = Add 2/10, Yes = Replace x/10 integer with 9 keeping the float value.
Is this game very obviously good? No = Do Nothing, Yes = If unknown company, add 1, else Do Nothing
Is this game very obviously bad? No = If unknown company, subtract 4, elseDo Nothing. Yes = Do Nothing


we're talking this generation, which did have a bad metroid game and a bad zelda game and a super smash bros game that every hates but I don't understand the hate cause its just like melee except if I jerk the controller too fast then I trip but its still a fun game.
#14Enigma149Posted 11/29/2012 4:23:00 PM
P4wn4g3 posted...
Enigma149 posted...
Super Smash Bros.: Melee
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, +2, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
No.

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
No.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup, 5/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yup 4/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
Nothing.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. Now it's only 3/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
No.

Does it have online? Add 1.
No.

So, our final score for Melee is...3/10

Oh gee you're right, quality can be accurately based on only a handful of superficial factors.

How about this:

Enigma149 posted...
Metroid Prime Trilogy
Start with 4/10.

Does it have decent graphics?
Yes, 6/10

Does it have motion controls? Subtract 1.
Yes, 5/10

Does it have any control scheme other than Dual Analog? Subtract 1.
Yes, so now we're at 4/10.

Is it a Mario or Zelda game? Add 9 if 3D, 7 if 2D.
No.

Is it like previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 3/10.

Is it different from previous instalments in the series? Subtract 1.
Yes, 2/10.

Does it have an art style aside from hyper-realism? If it does, and it is a Zelda game, subtract 1; otherwise, do nothing.
It's not a Zelda game; nothing happens.

Is it a new IP? Subtract 1.
Nope.

Is it an old IP? Subtract 1.
Yup. 1/10.

Is it Japan- and / or Europe- exclusive? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

Does it have online? Add 1.
Nobody cares. Seriously though, nothing happens.

So, our final score for Metroid Prime Trilogy is... 1/10

Ah brilliant.

The real formula goes:
Is the company well known? N = +6/10, Y = Add 10/10
Is the company funding this review? N = -4/10 Y = -4/10 + (contribution/1000)
Would it look like we are company loyalists if we make this review too good? No = +2/10, Yes = -2.91235132111/10
Is the company a major player on the E3 scene? No = Add 2/10, Yes = Replace x/10 integer with 9 keeping the float value.
Is this game very obviously good? No = Do Nothing, Yes = If unknown company, add 1, else Do Nothing
Is this game very obviously bad? No = If unknown company, subtract 4, elseDo Nothing. Yes = Do Nothing


Oh, please. You can tell that post wasn't serious. I was making fun of review sites who only give high scores to popular games, fans who want a series to change but then rage when it's different, people who care only about graphics, reviewers who hate, or (in a certain GameSpot reviewer's case, don't understand), anything that's not dual analog, and the recent trend of good games not getting localized.
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'Your opinion does not matter.' -DesperateMonkey
#15P4wn4g3Posted 11/29/2012 5:15:34 PM
Enigma149 posted...
You can tell that post wasn't serious.

Fair enough. Mine wasn't serious either, but it's completely accurate.
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This is my serious face.
#16squatch22Posted 11/29/2012 5:32:35 PM
How to review a Nintendo game: GameFaqs style -

Is it a Nintendo game? : 0/10
Have you actually played it? Add 0.
Is it fun? Add 0.
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LineTroll posted: Mario Galaxy is just like a Sonic game.
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