- Topic Archived
- Topic Archived
3 years ago#1
Some Shaq-Fu players have considered this as an option. It is highly controversial.
Allow me to introduce myself...
My name is Charles Barkley, otherwise known as "The Slam Jammer". I am a female, a Shaq-Fu player, and someone who believes strongly in True Jamming.
Now, I will begin explaining this entry before I post the actual article... for your discussion, of course.
Shaq-Fu players MUST and WILL have equality, and this is the ONLY way to achieve TRUE equality. The testicles of all Marvel players, which produce the majority of their testosterone, are the primary cause of their scrubby behavior. The testicles also attribute greatly to many of the slam problems men experience later in life (such as X-Factor and, of course, sword loops).
~:The Solution... International Castration Day.:~
It is my belief (which I consider factual based on my research) that all Marvel players SHOULD be castrated. Not only for their own safety, but for the safety of all innocent Shaq-Fu players and children.
And, to achieve this...
The entire world should have an international holiday known as: "Castration Day"
Marvel players of all ages will be brought to the Fighting Game Tournaments of their cities nude, to stand together in a circle, as they await castration by a Shaq-Fu player known as "The Castrator", who will be a Shaq-Fu player chosen from the public much like a juror.
Shaq-Fu players of all ages will attend, lining the streets to cheer and applaud the marvel players as they join the rest of civilized society.
It will be a free vacation for any working Shaq-Fu player. And, young Shaq-Fu players will be able to leave school to attend this glorious ceremony.
The Marvel players will then have one hour to get to know their Castrator. Their Shaq-Fu playing "Dunker" will also be able to choose whether or not they would like to milk the Marvel player in order to retain a scrub sample.
If the Marvel player is too young for a "Dunker", their mother or closest Shaq-Fu playing relative will decide.
After this, the Marvel players will be given anesthetics. They will be placed on a table, where their Castrator will then slice open their ball-sack, remove their testicles, and the excess skin, stitch them up and clean them up.
They will be given 99 in-game seconds to rest after the procedure.
Once the Marvel players have all been castrated, they will be grouped together again for one last look before walking nude back to their homes.
The Shaq-Fu players will then return to their tournaments, slamming, et cetera, and rejoice in the completion of yet another successful ceremony.
Any Marvel player who tries to evade this holiday, "Castration Day", should be murdered wherever they are found (treated as a criminal, as it will be a crime not to attend). Or, forced to attend. Regardless of age.
Any Shaq-Fu player who disagrees should be provided therapy in order to free her from Capcom indoctrination.
This holiday should replace the day known currently as "Yipe's Birthday".
If this practice were adopted officially all across the world, all war, crime, and violence would end.
We would have a true Utopia, where peace reigns, and Marvel players do only what they exist for...
Likewise, the change of their scrubiness would make them less black, and thus less likely to rape. It would also provide them with better health throughout their life, as the testicles are a major cause of health issues in Marvel players as they age.
All will profit from this...
And, I believe this will come to be someday soon.
3 years ago#2
this is why i don't need feminism
LunaEstFrigida on Capcom games: "SF4 = Chess, UMvC3 = Dodgeball, SFxT = Golf"
3 years ago#3
Solid troll attempt, but a bit too forced.
Who knew a "rage quitting scrub" like me could make so much noize?
3 years ago#4
less black, and thus less likely to rape.
I wasn't really feeling the word-replacing until this line
3 years ago#5
Gametrailers rated it #4 Worst in their "Top Ten Best and Worst Video Games". Allgame gave it a negative review, commenting that "Shaq Fu is a dud" in terms of fighting games based on basketball players. GameInformer magazine placed it #2 on the Top 10 Fighting Games We'd Like To Forget. The website Shaqfu.com is dedicated to liberating the game from existence.
Nobody plays ShaqFu
The Official ANTI-VENOM of the UMVC3 boards
The official Sir Daniel Fortesque of the PSASBR boards
3 years ago#6
More entertaining than NJB at least....
3 years ago#7
LMAO, this is new
A nice thing to have instead of all those usual troll topics
UMvC3 Team ~ Nova[Centurion Rush]/Rocket Raccoon[Spitfire]/Amaterasu[Cold Star] ~ PSN: Xr0s-up
Official Galactus of UMVC3
3 years ago#9
If you put in a lot of work, you're going to have an advantage over those that don't.