There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I sleep in and I get to work late. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave to go home, I find that my car has been stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember that I left my wallet and credit cards in the seat. The cab driver just drives away."
"When I get home, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I leave and come here. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." --- XBL GT: w4m4rt s3cur1ty
There was this ancient tale about a magic vibrator named "Voodoo ****", it was said that it gave women uncontrollable orgasms , but the drawback was that it never stopped working.
So one day an old widow found it at an old mysterious sex shop , the shop keeper told her that all you had to do is yell "voodoo **** my _____" and it would go to work wherever you said but it wouldn't stop.
She loved her new device, she would use it whenever and wherever even when she drove, that is until one day when she was pulled over for reckless driving due to her special "friend" not stoping. The cop asks; "Why are you driving like an idiot?" She replies,"it's voodoo **** he won't stop !!!"
The cop goes "voodoo **** my ass!"............
I suck at stories but I tried. --- "Even though I am no better then a beast, don't I have the right to live?"
A glutton, a sex addict, and a pothead all die at the same time.
When they get to heaven God says he will give them one room filled with anything they want for the rest of eternity. The Glutton chooses a room full of food, the sex addict a room full of women, and the pothead a room full of pot.
After an eternity goes by God comes back to check on them. When he opens the first door he see's a 9,000 pound man stuck in the middle of the room. "Help me!" he screams, and God shuts the door.
God opens the second door, and there are babies EVERYWHERE. "Help me!" the man screams, and God shuts the door.
When he opens the third door, the man looks up and says "Got a light?" --- Guy-"I get ALL my info from Gamefaqs!" Me- "That's pry why you're always wrong."