Hey guys, mind checking out my review?

#11KindertotenwaldPosted 12/6/2012 8:03:40 PM
kaserdemon posted...
Kindertotenwald posted...
You never start a sentence with and.

Not trying to be rude but if you want to be a journalist, you need to know that sort of stuff.

Also you have misspelled a few names and such and got some information incorrect (level 3's do not guarantee 3 kills.

Also the overall structure seems a tad all over the place and you explain some of your points in a long winded way, but overall it was a fair review.


I used to think the same way about starting sentences with "And". It was the way we were all taught in grade school I guess.

Truth is you can start a sentence with "And" if it continues from the previous sentences information. At least, that's what I've been told. *shrugs*


You can but it just looks unprofessional, same as using "then" all the time.
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#12Chzrm3Posted 12/6/2012 8:12:32 PM
The rules of language are always changing. Overuse of "like" has changed from a sign of youth and immaturity to our vernacular.
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#13Red_ArmadilloePosted 12/6/2012 9:14:31 PM
Kindertotenwald posted...
kaserdemon posted...
Kindertotenwald posted...
You never start a sentence with and.

Not trying to be rude but if you want to be a journalist, you need to know that sort of stuff.

Also you have misspelled a few names and such and got some information incorrect (level 3's do not guarantee 3 kills.

Also the overall structure seems a tad all over the place and you explain some of your points in a long winded way, but overall it was a fair review.


I used to think the same way about starting sentences with "And". It was the way we were all taught in grade school I guess.

Truth is you can start a sentence with "And" if it continues from the previous sentences information. At least, that's what I've been told. *shrugs*


You can but it just looks unprofessional, same as using "then" all the time.


Nah, you just have to know when to start the sentence with "And." As another poster said, once you know the rules, you can break them. This is especially true in writing.

The review was fairly decent, but there are a lot of minor errors that I would have edited before posting it (considering it was a review). There were a lot of instances where you did not include a comma that should have been added. There were other times where you did not hit space after a period. Little things like that go a long way when you're making your writing look professional.

Also, there was a lack of continuity. I felt as though you jumped around to much and did not coherently go from point to point.

For the this last point, I can't entirely base this off of any experience of mine, considering I am not a professional reviewer, but I do not usually like to read professional reviews that so heavily compare two games together. I know that is the typical thing one would expect on a game like this, but reviews are much more effective (I think) when the reviewer leaves out as much as possible about a similar game and instead focuses on the aspects of the game in hand. The reasoning for this is because what if a reader has never played super smash? Your points would begin to lose their impact if that was the case.

I would suggest reading more literature to improve your writing. And I do not mean books based off of video games or simplistic things like that. I would say go find a huge 600+ page novel and delve into it. Just because you're looking to go into journalism doesn't mean you should only examine journalistic writing to get tips from. I just finished a whole semester of college dedicated to journalism since the classes were major requirements, and I can tell you I absolutely hate journalistic writing. It has a completely different style than creative writing or essay writing.

However, my experience in essay writing and such helped me completely own that class, as journalism writing is so much more simplistic than what I am used to. Just keep it to the point without any unnecessary words, and use the most simplest words possible. I hate it because it makes me feel like a child every time I read and write in journalistic form. So, yes, if you want to pursue journalism, I say go for it! It is a huge field here in the states in terms of accessibility, and there is becoming a larger demand for good news writers or freelancers.

On a different note, I demonstrated using "and" at the beginning of a sentence two paragraphs above this if you noticed. I like to start a sentence with "and" when the sentence before it concludes a point in an appropriate manner, but I have an after thought to say about that sentence's subject. Kinda like when you talk, and you remember something a few seconds after you say something else. I could have written it differently, but I think it flows nicely that way :)
#14boy_luckPosted 12/6/2012 9:23:56 PM
You can start a sentence with "and" and whatever you want, especially in journalism. The AP Style says so. I used to work for a newspaper, so I know what I'm talking about.
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#15FurioPosted 12/6/2012 9:29:02 PM(edited)
Pro: very informative review, details about what the game has to offer and what people might enjoy. Seems like a fair assessment.

Con: You might want to check some grammar especially near the beginning. It looks pretty long to me also, so try and break it up a little with headers or bullets or something so people can figure out which parts they want to read, or get drawn into the paragraphs somehow by the headers.

EDIT: I liked previous poster's comment about the comparisons to Smash Bros. Perhaps keep them to one paragraph, and don't start out with them.
#16abnergoinbig(Topic Creator)Posted 12/7/2012 7:33:56 AM
Thank you all for taking the time to check it out and give me tips. I really appreciate it and will make sure to apply your tips to my future work. If possible, I would love if you guys can add me so I can send you future reviews to check out. Thank you guys again.