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You dang kids and your new-fangled monsters!

#41WaenosPosted 8/26/2013 3:10:49 AM
Simply fantastic. You have my respect, good sir.
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"Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time."
#42LightningAce11(Topic Creator)Posted 8/26/2013 3:29:59 AM
These are some questions I have been asked.

First of all, you young whippersnappers think you're so clever. That's not original. Need I remind you that Eevee had multiple evolution paths? And it evolved into WHAT we decided IF we decided it.

Secondly, you can stop giving OUR monsters alternative evolutions. I think I already mentioned the new Eevee evolutions, but Gloom evolves into Vileploom. End of story. It goes Bipedal Leaf, Bipedal Bud, then Bipedal Flower. IT DOES NOT GO: Bipedal Leaf, Bipedal Bud, Blushing-Dancing Plant in a Dress. Especially since you have decided that half of these creatures are male. Just another example of yer gender-bendin' lifestyles.

Lastly, you removed it's Poison type. Now, I know dat I said Poison types are cannon fodder, but half grass poison types are NOT. There's a reason nobody used Tangela back in my day, and it weren't just because the strongest grass move it learned had 20 attack power. Half-grass/poisons are balanced to be able to resist poison, ground, and many physical attacks. That there "Bellossom" is inferior to my Level 100 Oddish. Let's see how long that pure grass type holds up to poison attacks! Jahaha! Eheeh!

How do you feel about shining pokemon, you know, different colored pokemon?
Cerulean City values

Hey, old guy! How do you feel about the weather affecting battles, and Pokémon messing with it?
ARROGANCE! In my day, there was only one weather: Cloudy! Every day was a shade of gray and we were satisfied! Now your monsters make it sunny in caves, rainy in buildings, and hailing underwater! Not only are you whelps unsatisfied with GRAY, but you're also unsatisfied with LOGIC.

Good sir, how do you feel about Pokemon Yellow?
That's where things started to go wrong. First of all, ye had a Pikachu that wouldn't go into a ball, wouldn't evolve when it was told, and yeh had to make it haaaAAaaapy. That's when trainers started to lose their dignity, letting the monsters be the boss.

How do you feel about these Pokemon Contests?
HOW DO YA THINK I FEEL, FRUITBOY? Putting Charizard in a Beauty Pageant? Yer off yer rocker!

Sooooo, What are your views on double battles?
Long gone are the days of noble one-on-one battles. Now you kids need to rely on frieeeendship because yer too weak by yourself, huh! Need to be baby-sat by a friend!

What do you think of berries?
Berries are delicious! Concord grapes, persimmon, red gooseberries, red currants, I love 'em all! Especially strawberries, but in my day they weren't called strawberries. Course, they weren't called strawberries back in my day. They were called 'raspberries'. And the berries known today as 'raspberries' used to be called 'Bitterblueberries'. "Gimme three bees for a Bitterblueberry" you'd say, bees being the nickname for nickels back in the day, since the nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. A bushel of bright blue Bitterblueberries for a few bees was a great deal back in the day, and most folks would eat the whole thing, stem and all. Because the stems were viewed as a source of nutrition and were known to make your eyelashes bigger. That being said, there is no reason to give berries to your monsters. They don't need bigger eyelashes.
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"Servant woman, bring me a drying cloth at once!" - Vegeta to Bulma
#43LightningAce11(Topic Creator)Posted 8/26/2013 3:30:32 AM
So what do you feel about Mr. Mime growing a new finger, being able to be female, and about the change of jinx's skin color from black to purple?
What possible use could monsters have for an extra finger? Maybe to flip you off for being such a lousy trainer? Gehahah. Just another example of the new generation being spoiled and needing more fingers to do the exact same task.

Again, the only monster with a gender is Nidoran. Everything else is gender-neutral and STERILE. Back in my day there was no such thing as a female Marcel, which is what we called Mr Mimes back in those days. The reason we started called them Mr Mimes is because we wanted to emphasize that training monsters was a MAN'S job. Make no mistake, it's not because we considered it to be a specific gender.

As for Jynx, if I told once, I told you a hundred times! Stop changin, evolving and devolving OUR monsters. We didn't need a baby Jynx. There was only ONE Jynx in our day named Lola, and the only reason it existed was to mock people with its blackface impersonation. Then you youngin's had to go all po-litically cure-rect and make it purple. Now I don't even know what it's supposed to be!

In fact, from the First Generation, Pidgey was the weakest bird in the game. Fearow? Dodrio? Both were stronger. Pidget was the best monster, and it was one of the first monsters caught and trained by EVERYONE in my generation. Heck, back in my day EVERYBODY had a Pidgey or one of its evolutions. You know how many people used Fearow and Dodrio? DODRIO? NOBODY used THAT bird! What a joke! Hehereh. I'm sure you whelps who still use OUR generation's monsters take them and, instead of training them against the Elite Four again and again, shove pills in their mouths and force them to get them thar EEE VEEEEs up. What malarkey! As long as you can defeat the Elite Four, that was good enough in my day! You were the best!

I still remember my old friend Andrew and I used to have link battles. I'd hook the cable into my Gameboy and fight him. That's how you were SUPPOSED to do battle! Not fighting strangers over them internets, defeating your best friend and putting him to SHAME. Now, anyway, he comes at me with his Blastoise and Dragonite and these doggone level 100 beasts he had evolved and I fight him with my monsters, mah Charmander, Pikachu, and the rest at level 100. You know who won? I DID. He asked meh how it was possible and I told him, "YOU DERN FOOL! You've been raising your monsters to level one hun'erd with Rare Candies, haven't ye?" and he SHAMEFULLY replies, "Yes, I have." He lost because he tried to cheat his way to the top, and I used my monsters that were leveled with HARD WORK and HOURS OF TRAINING. You kids today and yer genetically altered monsters! Ye shove pills in their face, alter their stat VAL-USE and do just what he did: CHEAT. It's shameful how hard work goes unrewarded nowadays.

What, holy old geeser is your opinion of the poketch and double battling?
I didn't know what ye were talking about, so I had to do some research. Looks like this "POKE-ETCH" is a device that allows you to use a calculator, a pedometer, a berry searcher, calender, kitchen time, alarm clock, and some other devices.

MORE HIGH-FALUTTIN' TECHNOLOGY! What a bunch of useless equipment! Who needs all that? Back in MY day, the only thing we needed was a Poke'dex. It told ye if yeh caught a monster or not. That was it! All ye needed.! Now you upstarts need an icon on-screen to remind ye if y'ive caught a monster or not! Embarassing!
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"Servant woman, bring me a drying cloth at once!" - Vegeta to Bulma
#44SephirothtPosted 8/26/2013 3:43:45 AM
LightningAce11 posted...
In fact, from the First Generation, Pidgey was the weakest bird in the game. Fearow? Dodrio? Both were stronger. Pidget was the best monster, and it was one of the first monsters caught and trained by EVERYONE in my generation. Heck, back in my day EVERYBODY had a Pidgey or one of its evolutions. You know how many people used Fearow and Dodrio? DODRIO? NOBODY used THAT bird! What a joke! Hehereh. I'm sure you whelps who still use OUR generation's monsters take them and, instead of training them against the Elite Four again and again, shove pills in their mouths and force them to get them thar EEE VEEEEs up. What malarkey! As long as you can defeat the Elite Four, that was good enough in my day! You were the best!


Can I get a "Amen"?
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Officially faved Ninetales everywhere, R - Burning Knight Executive
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#45LightningAce11(Topic Creator)Posted 8/26/2013 1:58:19 PM
Gramps, what are your thoughts on Pokemon battle animations in Crystal, Emerald and Diamond/Pearl?
In MY day, monsters didn't use all these fancy motions! As soon as they scrolled sideways at you, YOU KNEW THEY WERE ASKIN FER A WHOOPIN! Now these creatures gotta come bouncing at you. I bet if you younin's didn't see a tail wag'n or a wing flapin', you'd just let it attack ye until yeh whited out. O course, back in MY day, we didn't have pansy WHITEOUTS. We had BLACKOUTS. Probably changed it to be po-litically cer-rect again.

What do you think of the Pokeradar?
Back in the day, there wasn't a single monster in the game my buddy Andrew and I couldn't find just by walking around or trading for or buying from a casino. I guess our eyesight was better back in the good ol days. You kids are so untalented, you need to use that there technology to find monsters! It's disgraceful! And you kids have to struggle with fishing too! That was another thing that just came naturally to us. If you wanted to go fishing and something bit yer line, you were gonna reel it in no matter what. Now you kids can't keep a Magikarp on the line if ye ain't payin' attention!

oh most knowledgeable one, what is your view of a woman being the champion and no longer being able to gamble for pokemon?
WHAT? No gambling for monsters? What kind of world is this? If you can't gamble for monsters, then what are ye supposed to do with yer winnins? Buy some dolls?

As for a woman being champion, it's an embarrassment for certain, but mostly because LANCE is the true champion and always will be! Any woman impersonator is certainly an impostor, because no girl can hold a candle to Lance's strategy of crating an army of dragons and teaching them all Hyperbeam! It is the best and most perfect strategy ever! Very few people have ever managed to beat it!

What are your views on the land shark pokemon Garchomp
I think dragons are powerful enough without splicing them with sharks and ghosts!
I remember when DRAGONS were rare like they SHOULD be. Now you have ground dragons, psychic dragons, metal dragons, ghost dragons... DISGRACEFUL. I see you evolved the noble Seadra into a Dragon type too. Is there no depth to your shallowness? I don't know why you'd want a Dragon type anyway. Everybody knows that Dragon attacks only do 40 points of damage anyway.
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"Servant woman, bring me a drying cloth at once!" - Vegeta to Bulma
#46LightningAce11(Topic Creator)Posted 8/26/2013 1:58:40 PM
What do you think of moves that can hit monsters that used Dig or Fly?
You remember Swift? How about Bide? Probably not, because you're too young, but we had those moves back in MY day. Swift hits everyone, even if digging or flying.

It's not surprising you don't know about it. Heck, there were less moves in my day. About 150, if I recall. We didn't need to separate 'em into Physical or Special attacks, either, they were already given that designation by the type of attack it was. If a somebody uses a FIGHTING or ROCK type move, you had to watch your DEFENSE. If somebody came at you with a WATER or FIRE attack, you watched your SPECIAL. It was that simple! Now you kids have moves divided into kinds of attacks and types of attacks and now all of a sudden I have to watch my Geodude's SPECIAL Stat? Because you used a non-physical FIGHT attack? What the heck? It doesn't make any sense!

Oh yeah, that reminds me.... YOU DAMN KIDS! How dare you split Special into defense and offence? YOU DONT NEED THAT! If a monster has special magical powers, it's evenly split both ways! A monster can't have so much fire that it deals huge fire damage, but so little fire that special attacks break through and deal damage easily! THAT DONT MAKE ANY DERN SENSE!

What do you think on all the little kid's who hack their pokemon such as making one that only takes damage from status's and still get beaten by one pokemon?
We had cheaters in my day too. Kids who'd hack in an army o' Mewtwos! You know what I'd do to them after I turned off my game? I'd kick 'em in the family jewels! Eh heheheheh!!!!

'Course, you can't do that nowadays because you're too busy fighting internets strangers! That's why ye should only fight your close friends! It's a special bond of learning when he's lying on the ground crying, and that's DON'T CHEAT!

Hmmn.... perhaps that's why you kids are wrapped up in them satanic-types and being spoiled and cinch! Ye need a good swift, punt to the walnuts from a close friend te' see where you been wrong!
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"Servant woman, bring me a drying cloth at once!" - Vegeta to Bulma
#47bears253Posted 8/26/2013 3:20:13 PM
Bump
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#48jayman7Posted 8/26/2013 3:40:35 PM
So LightningAce is channeling Cranky Kong now? Interesting.
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#49pokemonfreak97Posted 8/26/2013 6:03:04 PM
LightningAce11 posted...
Back in MY day we had 150 monsters


151.

That is all.
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#50ClassyOldHatPosted 8/26/2013 6:15:02 PM
Stellar parody. *Claps with genuine approval*