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The one man who can save us is missing

#1MoblinKingPosted 1/1/2014 7:35:37 AM
In the early 1990s, a man named BILL made an incredible discovery. While experimenting with a digital scanner and his beloved Abra, he found a way to transfer pokemon inside a PC. First, he called it "the grid", but he got some really ugly letters from a movie company and had to settle on the name "Pokemon Storage System".

It was a hit! Suddenly trainers could have more than six pokemon, which was great because everyone knows the moment you touch a 7th occupied pokeball you die because of an ancient blood curse. Over time, BILL managed to implement a system by which if you caught a pokemon in the field, but already had 6 pokeballs, your new pokemon could be transferred even if you weren't near a PC! Mysteriously, this didn't work if two people wanted to trade, or if some of your pokemon had fainted and you wanted to swap them. Apparently computers have ethics.

BILL released his Pokemon Storage System to all for free, but gathered demographic data so he could display targeted advertising while you managed your pokemon inside the PC. It's rumored he's one of the richest men in the world, but his house near Cerulean City is quite modest.

But BILL is missing. On December 28th, 2013, police responded to reports of a disturbance at his home. When they arrived, the house had been ransacked, and one of his PSS servers was missing. Among the evidence, they found what appears to be a calling card with the phrase "Leave luck to Heaven." Investigations of BILL's PC have revealed he was in contact with the mysterious organization "NOJ", who were interested in stealing the source code to PSS for their own nefarious purposes. This is the message that was open on BILL's PC when police arrived:

"Not funny, BILL. That code had errors, and now our entire network is down. You have no
idea who you are dealing with. Give us PSS, or you will be erased.
- Game Freak"

If you have any information about the man called "Game Freak", the whereabouts of any member of the NOJ terrorist organization, or the location of BILL, please proceed to the nearest Pokemon Center and talk to the man with the green backpack standing beside the palm tree and looking to the east. It is advised you do not use the PSS until his colleagues are able to restore the pokemon from the missing server.
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#2mistrfantasyPosted 1/1/2014 7:37:20 AM
pokemon was released in the late 90s.
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#3FalxXDPosted 1/1/2014 7:40:45 AM
Woah ...
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#4JoJoX200Posted 1/1/2014 7:41:49 AM
Nice story there. Finally an actually funny take on the overblown PokeBank issue.
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#5MoblinKing(Topic Creator)Posted 1/1/2014 7:43:02 AM
Yes, and the PSS was well-established when it was released, which means it's /entirely/ likely BILL did his work in the early 90s and it took several years for the PSS to be installed in every Pokemon Center.

Jeez, it's like kids don't go to school anymore. Back in my day you had to sit through an unskippable 20,000 line "History of Kanto" presentation the moment you walked on a tile near the city's exit, then answer a 20-question YES or NO quiz to get 3 pokeballs. Then you had to walk through the snow. Uphill. Both ways. And the wild pokemon were all Farfetch'd.
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#6gamingratPosted 1/1/2014 7:46:34 AM
lol
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#7gkathellarPosted 1/1/2014 7:49:55 AM
8/10. Needs more Kill Bill references.
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#8PkmTrainerAbramPosted 1/1/2014 7:53:44 AM
This story wins all the cookies on the internet. ALL OF THEM.
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#9LegoTechnicPosted 1/1/2014 7:54:46 AM
There are multiple impending lawsuits against BILL for his work on the PSS, as it was determined that what the system actually does is tranliterate a body's physical and mental structure into coded data and then decompose the actual body into particles. The system then creates a new body from component elements with transcripted information when removed from the PSS system either after a transfer or when removed from storage.

This is analogous to the effective murder of an individual followed by the replacement with a generated clone, often done multiple times by indecisive yet unknowing trainers. People are constantly killing their pokemon again and again every time they place them into storage and then replacing them with a look-a-like when it's convenient! Worse yet it was determined that data on the server can be changed by BILL himself, and that he has accessed data in this matter for a large number of pokemon before, and it is currently unknown what exactly he changed in his process. For this reason BILL is being sought by almost every member of the United Nations for a specialized equivalent of a war crime, and his current whereabouts are unknown. Some suspect he even boxed himself, converting his own being into irretrievable data in an unexpected act of suicide, but as the system leaves no trace other than the data itself this has not been verified.

As for the PSS system, despite being told of its moral implications the populace has largely remained indifferent, choosing to continue using its service due to its extensive convenience. While some issue was brought up by pokemon-rights activists about the scale of pokemon death the system causes, most legal courts have upheld the "Champion Red v. Free Pokemon" ruling that "pokemon are wild creatures and not people, and therefore do not have rights", which has been an integral ruling upholding the right of children to capture and keep such creatures as pets and/or slaves. This generalized apathy has not influenced the governmental interesting in BILL, however.
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#10TheMindGamerPosted 1/1/2014 8:08:45 AM
LegoTechnic posted...
There are multiple impending lawsuits...apathy has not influenced the governmental interesting in BILL, however.


Don't sully this topic's awesomeness. If you want to add something, at least make it relevant to the actual joke.
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