I claim this board

#1TableButcherPosted 8/25/2009 10:55:49 PM
I claim this board because I still have the game, and with it I got the oversized pistol and a hover bike that shoots rocket.
#2TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 8/27/2009 11:43:47 AM
As your king I will post one joke every X day that I stole from the almightly internet.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
#3TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 8/28/2009 1:37:04 PM
A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.

She hears: “Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."
#4TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 8/29/2009 10:48:29 AM
A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Which one will hit the bottom first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to ask for directions.
#5TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 8/30/2009 1:17:53 PM
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
#6TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 8/31/2009 11:56:52 AM
How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?

Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
#7TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 9/1/2009 2:24:26 PM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet. The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast stroke, the others were using their arms.
#8TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 9/2/2009 7:46:35 AM
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.

And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"

And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
#9TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 9/3/2009 1:07:27 PM
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. “How did this happen?” the doctor asked. “Well I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?” “No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”
#10TableButcher(Topic Creator)Posted 9/5/2009 4:33:16 AM
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants?

So they don't have to pay the flat tax.