Eternal Darkness: The Abridged Series

#51_PseudoNymX_Posted 3/5/2009 7:39:49 PM
Hello, everyone. This is a friend of ChaosSamus. I am sure you will all be delighted to know that my friend and I have decided to undertake the job of animating this story. You may clap.
#52ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 3/5/2009 9:01:53 PM
The above poster is correct; He is not making that up. Incidentally, next post!

(Alex finds a note from Edward in the Tome)

Edward: Hey, there's booze in the basement!!11! Also, a pickaxe for some reason.

Alex: Random Pickaxes, stuff strewn about the house at random, ravings about monsters... I guess senility finally set in with Grandpa...

...Although seriously, Senility is not a joke it affects many people who live to be elderly and makes life difficult for them and the people around them... Just kidding, it's hilarious.

(Alex uses the Pickaxe to break down the wall to the Servant's bedroom. She gets possessed my Max and experiences the day of the murders. She picks up the implements in the room)

Alex: Insanity... Murder... What kind of creature could have driven Max to do this? Probably a specific creature that- due to the laws of probability, will not be waiting for me when I leave this room.

(2 Bonethieves ambush Alex after she leaves the room. She kills them with her shotgun)

Alex: Crap, Now I'm fighting monsters. Although I've technically been fighting them for a while now... Am I reliving the chapters or just reading about them. It doesn't make it very clear.

(Alex fights her way down to the basement)

Alex: Another thing I find wierd is that every room in the house is full of monsters when I'm only going to visit about 3 or 4 of them.

(This is the kind of thing I think about in my free time... I'm so very, very lonely. In any case, Alex unlocks the large vault)

Alex: Ok, There's another essence, a letter from Edward, a Chapter Page and... something that looks like it's from a Dr. Seuss Book... Man, he really lost it, might as well read the page though.

(The scene cuts to the Persian Gulf War, or rather the related Oil Fires. Michael Edwards is a Canadian Industrial Firefighter- and also the 3rd character with "Ed" in his name)

Michael: I don't like this one bit. This fire seems hotter than the others. This is numinous almost, as if something I don't know about is behind the fires. Some sort of "hidden force" so to speak, an "ominous presence" so to speak, a "This fire has something to do with Eternal Darkness and I'm alluding to it in very un-subtle ways" so to speak.

Firefighter Captain: What was that?

Miachael: Nothing

Firefighter Captain: It's ok, this is a very safe process. You're just planting C4 in the very middle of a blazing inferno to try and explode it with Cloth and additional Nitroglycerin... Y'know, whoever first thought of this was either a genius or absolutely insane.

(The C4 explodes prematurely, and the player is completely unaffected because they fully expected it to happen. Michael lands in the Ancient City, next to the pillar of flesh. Bianchi appears to him)

Bianchi: Heyhere's awholebunchofcrapyougottataketoRhodeIsland

(Bianchi disappears)

Michael: Ok, so I was just involved in an industrial explosion, all of my friends from work are dead, I'm stuck here in these Ancient ruins surrounded by zombies that Bianchi failed to warn me about, and a Ghost just appeared out of nowhere and gave me a buttload of statues... Um... What?!

(Luckily Michael finds a G36E lying on the ground. Everybody on Earth who plays Battlefield 2 instantly gets shivers)

Michael: Woah, I love this level! Now I just have to find the tome, which by the precedent of previous chapters, should occur momentarily without much trouble on my part.

(Several Minutes and Battles later)

Michael: I hate this level!
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"I'll get wood! ...From the tree! TREE wood!!" - Sagi, Baten Kaitos
#53Shining_BassPosted 3/7/2009 5:17:31 PM
SWEET! What kind of limitless fun can be had with that gun...

So, since you're animating it, where are you going to put it?
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I kill you for Klondike bar!
#54OtherBillPosted 3/8/2009 10:03:18 AM
(Several Minutes and Battles later)

Michael: I hate this level!


I remember the first time I played Michael's level.

I didn't notice he had a fire axe, so when I was surrounded by zombies in the first room, I panicked and ran, not noticing the fallen soldier.

I spent the next five minutes running from guardians and horrors, looking for a weapon as I slowly went insane.

I hate this level! :-D

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"No offense intended OtherBill, but do you have a job? Or school? Or something...?" -- Hooded Figure
#55Shining_BassPosted 3/8/2009 11:40:49 AM
I just noticed, you didn't make one Indiana Jones reference in EDwin Lindsy's chapter.
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I kill you for Klondike bar!
#56G_gglypuffPosted 3/8/2009 6:22:24 PM
^ That's good, because he would be pointing out something way too obvious (it's not like you didn't think of IJ when playing it). About it, I really liked how he did the bathtub scene...

Also, Michal's chapter was pretty fun to me, specially because it's a bit more limited sometimes, though I found it frustrating how his mana was so low.
#57ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 3/8/2009 9:20:09 PM
I would've been lampshading a joke that was already lampshaded. SK made it fairly obvious that Lindsey's chapter was a direct tribute to Indiana Jones (The opening sequence is almost identical to Raiders)
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"I'll get wood! ...From the tree! TREE wood!!" - Sagi, Baten Kaitos
#58Shining_BassPosted 3/12/2009 2:56:20 PM
Still wondering where it'll be posted...
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I kill you for Klondike bar!
#59ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 3/12/2009 4:37:51 PM
That hasn't been decided yet. I'll update over the weekend though.
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"I'll get wood! ...From the tree! TREE wood!!" - Sagi, Baten Kaitos
#60ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 3/13/2009 7:04:10 PM
(Michael finds a room where he needs to use a rod to reflect light into a certain point in the room)

Michael: Don't you love it when it becomes obvious that a part for a game was inspired by something.

(Cut to a whole bunch of people watching Indiana Jones, a Canadian Flag in the background)

Random Person: Do you want to make a video game based on this, but with cults and zombies?

(Michael advances slightly further, and finds the TOME OF ETERNAL DARKNESS! He now has magick, and an enchanted G36E. He proceeds to kill every monster in the entire level without the barest hint of an effort)

Michael: Well now what?

(Michael finds a room with 3 paintings in it, each of them corresponding to an ancients' colour. It takes Michael a long time to solve the puzzle because you have to place the figurines in front of the pictures that ARE STRONG AGAINST the figurines, as opposed to both of the more sensical alternatives. However, for his trouble he gets the ENCHANTED GLADIUS)

Michael: Sweet! An awesome weapon. It can't wait to fight someone with it.

(Michael is not allowed to equip the Gladius)

Michael: What? How come I can't equip it?

(It's not for you)

Michael: I found it.

(Alex needs to use it)

Michael: Can't I use it too?

(No)

Michael: Please?

(No)

Michael: HATE THIS LEVEL!

(Regardless of this lukewarm victory, Michael cannot figure out how to beat this level. Yeah, you need to use a 7-rune reveal invisible spell in the room next to the one with the Gladius, despite the fact that you have no logical cues to do so... It took me an hour to figure it out... Stupid crappy puzzles that don't make sense... Ironically, I thought of doing that but then I th-was all like "Nah, That would be stupid". I hate it when th-)

Michael: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

(Michael finds a Canister of C4 Explosives. He enchants it and plants it on the main support pillar of the city)

Michael: Whydo I need to blow up this place?

Bianchi: 3 words: Rule of Cool

(Michael starts fleeing the exploding ruins. Unfortunately there is a timer at the top corner of the screen)

Michael: Crap! This is an actual escape mission.

(Samus runs by him on the way out)

Michael:...

(Michael runs out of the ruins, which have a DOOR now for some reason. The blow up in a flurry of magickal fire)

Michael: Rule of Cool... Oh Yeah.

(A couple years later, Michael meets up with Edward Roivas)

Michael:so, I need to give this stuff to you?

Edward:That's what's implied here, but for some reason you show up in 9 years and give it directly to my Granddaughter... This scene is actually kind of useless.This is just an obligatory "character meets Edward" scene.

Michael: Alright, I don't have much longer... Even though in reality, I live until the end of the series.

(Screen fades to sepiatone)

Alex: Now it's my turn!
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"I'll get wood! ...From the tree! TREE wood!!" - Sagi, Baten Kaitos