Eternal Darkness: The Abridged Series

#81LeQuack147Posted 5/2/2009 8:30:55 PM
So much win. You rock for making this.
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It's an online retail store with pre-order options; they'd tell you Halo 3 was coming out tomorrow if it would make them a quick buck. - Agamemnon485bc
#82G_gglypuffPosted 5/5/2009 4:15:05 PM
If you plan on having your friend animate it, you could give some extra touches.
#83ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 5/20/2009 2:38:55 PM
I am now announcing a new project. Coming this Summer I will be writing and posting Eternal Darkness: The Screenplay. I will need some time to draft an outline and finish up with my schoolwork, but I will begin work next month. This project will take on a darker and more serious tone as opposed to being satire.
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"We, uh figured out how to travel through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags" - Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse
#84G_gglypuffPosted 5/20/2009 5:51:08 PM
Lets expect some guts flying around then.
#85Shining_BassPosted 5/21/2009 3:25:08 PM
Chaos, do you mind if I try my own ED Abridged here? You've inspired me.

By the way... YAY!!!
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There's a fan fic that describes Pikachu boring into a Golem, and exploding on the inside? Wow. No wonder it's rated M. That's bordering on X.- Utaro
#86ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 5/21/2009 5:01:38 PM
By all means. It's not like I own the rights to ED or anything, and it won't infringe upon the Screenplay (Which I'll be putting in a separate topic anyway).
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"We, uh figured out how to travel through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags" - Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse
#87Shining_BassPosted 5/21/2009 5:13:45 PM
Thanks Chaos. I'll start tomorrow.
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There's a fan fic that describes Pikachu boring into a Golem, and exploding on the inside? Wow. No wonder it's rated M. That's bordering on X.- Utaro
#88Shining_BassPosted 5/22/2009 11:21:29 AM
We start off this tale in Alexandra Roivas's room, where she is killing zombies.
Alex: This is illogical. Therefore, I am dreaming. So, I can do what ever I want... *Makes a run for the locked door*
Max: May the rats eat your eyes!!!
Alex: Hey! You want some of this shotgun too?!

Alex wakes up startled do to a phone call, requesting she come to her grandfather's mansion. No expenses paid, of course. After saving the plane from a terrorist strike, Alex arrives at the mansion.

Detective: Ah, hello there. We need you to tell us if this corpse is of your grandfather. *Shows mutalated corpse*
Alex: OH DEAR GOD!!! I found a shiny penny on the ground!
Detective: Alright, but is this Edward Roivas?
Alex: Oh, yeah. That's him. Why did I have to tell you that? What about dental records?
Detective: Well, in case you're also blind, this man has no head.
Alex: Well, what are the cops doing about this death?

The detective sees two cops playing with Hotwheels.

Detective: They're dead. Definitely dead.
Alex: Well, that leaves the case up to me then.
Detective: No, that's okay, I'll call in Snake, Ike, and Chuck Norris for the job.
Alex: Oh. About that... *kicks detective into pit of death* THIS IS MY MANSION!!!

Critisism is wanted.
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There's a fan fic that describes Pikachu boring into a Golem, and exploding on the inside? Wow. No wonder it's rated M. That's bordering on X.- Utaro
#89ChaosSamus(Topic Creator)Posted 5/22/2009 4:11:36 PM
My only criticism is that you spelt criticism wrong. Also: The RIPD is tooincompetent to play with Hot Wheels, that would imply actually doing something.

On another note: I sent some people to extort Eternal Darkness from the person who borrowed it from me. Success of this mission will result in the Screenplay starting a early. I will notify you in a couple minutes.
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"We, uh figured out how to travel through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags" - Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse
#90Shining_BassPosted 5/22/2009 6:00:19 PM
*Facepalm*

After Alex kills the one living person who could help her, she sees a clock, and decides to find the missing hands. It takes about 7 hours...
Alex: Alright, I've got the hands on the clock. Wait... why did I do that again? Oh yeah, CDO: OCD spelled correctly. *Sets clock to 3:33, opening secret passage* Hey! Maybe I'll find something in the room my Grandfather told me not to go into!

Alex comes upon the Tome of Eternal Darkness, receiving flashing memories of things that never happened to her.
Alex: Woah, this is TRIPPY!!! I should read this book!

The screen then fades to the middle of a desert. A clearly delusional man named Pious is talking to his comrades.
Pious: SPARTAN! Do you know how many Persians I've killed?
Roman dude: Let me guess. 300, right.
Pious: No... wait, that's right.
Roman dude: Snap out of it. You're Roman, not Spartan.
Pious: Forget this, I'm going to search for ultimate power in the middle of nowhere.

Pious comes across 5 Pillars in the middle of the desert, each with ancient symbols that probably translate into obscenities transport him into a temple. Pious traverses the temple, with extreme ease.
Pious: 1 headless, 2 headless, 3 headless zombie men, and I've got 297 to go~.

Pious finally kills 300 zombies, and finds the room with three artifacts.
Pious: Hm. If I were ultimate power, what color would I be? *Looks around* Oh of course, red for Sparta!

Pious, being the only "chosen one" stupid enough to directly touch an essence, is electrocuted in a red light, becoming Chattur'gha's bi- I mean slave.
Pious: FOR SPARTA!!!

The view returns to Alex in the "secret room".
Alex: Hm. Something happened here. I feel, stronger, like I could skillfully wield a Gladius like the man in this book. I have to find one in the house.

TO BE CONTINUED IN ETERNAL DARKNESS: SANITY'S-
Alex: This! Isn't! Happening!!!
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There's a fan fic that describes Pikachu boring into a Golem, and exploding on the inside? Wow. No wonder it's rated M. That's bordering on X.- Utaro