Alex: Alright! It's a Gladius! I think it would be best to stay here for a while since I'm going insane!!! Let's read the next page!!!
The screen falls upon Ellia, a slave/dancer girl, who is reading the Tome of Eternal Darkness.
Ellia: Does anybody find it weird that I'm a slave girl in the 7th century who can read???
The screen goes to Pious, in Mantorok's chamber.
Mantorok: THIS IS MADNESS!!! Pious: Madness? THIS IS SPARTAHHHH!!! *Drops wooden stakes on Mantorok* Mantorok: You know, I'm a huge god-like being who couldn't move in the first place, and you've done absolutly nothing to stop me from influencing the chosen ones to kill you in the year 2000. Pious: I blame the meat-headed Chattur'gha. He's pretty stupid compared to other ancients.
Ellia: Yay! I'm going to go on my own adventure! Just like Dora the Explorer!!! :)
Ellia traverses through the temple, and meets up with a zombie.
Ellia: Okay, what weapons do I have... oh, cool, I've got a short sword. *Looks at sword* This is a piece of crap!!! It's like a freaking dagger! This reminds me of something.
Screen turns sepia to Link in Ocarina of Time getting the Kokiri "Sword".
After many days of exploring, Ellia finds a blowgun. She takes it, and falls in a trap door. The dagger breaks, and she is left to defend a Temple Guard who most likely knows the Magikal Attack spell. It takes 15 minutes for her to kill all 2 of the Chattur'gha zombies with a blowgun.
Ellia: My god! This weapon is even worse than the short sword! Temple Guard: Thank you for saving me from absolutly no danger at all. Here, let me fix you sword with magic. Ellia: WTF?! Why didn't you do that earlier? Or better yet, why don't you just use your Alchemy skills to make it useful? Temple Guard: I was knitting socks. I'm not making it better because I'm not the Full Metal Alchemist. And there's another reason that you'll find out in a minute. Ellia: Fi- wait what?
Ellia makes it into Mantorok's chamber, where he forces his essence into her body quickly and painfully. Pious walks over to give her a chance to escape.
Pious: Woman, you may live another day, if you leave now. Ellia: But you don't get it... I'VE GOT THE POWAH!!! Mantorok (Whispering to Ellia): My essence is only hiding in you, it doesn't do anything. Ellia: Oh cr- hey, wait a minute. How can Mantorok whisper if that's how he already talks? For rea- Pious: FOR SPARTAH!!!!
END OF CHAPTER Alex: You know what? I think this book is giving subliminal messages about 300.
There's a fan fic that describes Pikachu boring into a Golem, and exploding on the inside? Wow. No wonder it's rated M. That's bordering on X.- Utaro