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Giving away an Elder Scrolls Online beta key, whoever makes me laugh... GETS IT!

#11cancerstormPosted 2/26/2014 1:54:06 PM
Orestes417 posted...
It's Christmas morning. Billy and Timmy wake up at the crack of dawn, run down the hall to drag their parents out of bed, and fly down the stairs to the pile of presents around the tree.

When the dust settles, Billy has all these great presents: a video game system, a big-ass Nerf gun that shoots 8 different kinds of projectiles, one of those electric slot car tracks where the cars climb up the wall aad go through loops. But then he notices that Timmy only got one present--a little Matchbox car, which he's pushing back and forth in the corner.

"Gee, Timmy," Billy says, "I guess I sure got more presents than you this year."

Timmy says, "Yeah, well at least I don't have cancer."


i chuckled
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#12iPr0kkaFTW(Topic Creator)Posted 2/27/2014 12:17:07 PM
Bump! Thus far I really enjoyed Orestes417's joke even though it was very cruel. It made me chuckled but not ROFL. There's still time to grab this ESO beta key I'm giving away.
#13lost_withinPosted 2/27/2014 12:23:18 PM
Games_Analyst posted...
Would highly advise against rolling on the floor laughing. Back in 2004 I was at a college party and a bunch of friends and I were doing flaming shots. Everything was going rather swell and my friend Tim who we called 'Nicotine Eyes' was there. We called him Nicotine Eyes because the guy smoked like a howlitzer and everyone would be rubbing there eyes when they were around him, but he would be fine. It was in reference to the protecting nictitating eyelids that various reptiles have (a protective eye coding).

Anyway, Tim kept going on and on about how he was going to nail this chick that year who he had been seeing a while. He was bringing it up to like every person there and just beaming. It was getting a tad ridiculous. Regardless, apparently this girl showed up at some point and the news spread pretty quick that Tim was saying this about her. So he's still going on and she walks up from behind taps him on the shoulder and slaps him.

At this point my friend Steve starts rolling on the floor laughing. Now we were all drunk which probably led to the next series of events, but nevertheless it got bad. Steve had kind of a weird laugh. He had nose canal surgery during some time in 94 after he somehow shot milk and froot loops through his nose in a routine boating accident. So he had this kind of wheezing sound to his laugh that sounded like a mix between an elephant and a goat. He was definitely intoxicated. Long story short some patron from across the room thought he was on fire due to the flaming shots so they grabbed a fire extinguisher after yelling "STOP DROP AND ROLL!" and blasted poor Steve.

Well I can tell you that nose canal surgeries and the pressurized nitrogen from fire extinguishers definitely do not mix because after what seemed like a couple seconds Steve lay lifeless on the floor. Doctors said that the fire extinguisher should not have killed him even with the surgery but I didn't believe them for a second. I suggested a froot loop might still have been stuck with which there was a chemical reaction but doctors told me that was impossible. I think they just tried to cover it up due to the wild circumstances of events and the huge hit Kellogg would take. It's obvious they were paid off by the clever toucan. To this day I do not support Kellogg and always have to buy the generic brand which sucks.

It's been about 10 years since I knew Steve but ever since then I highly recommend people against rolling on the floor laughing as it could cause an intoxicated individual to think you're on fire.


At first I thought you might be going somewhere, but when you got to part about the fruit loops and routine boating accident I figured out it was all nonsense- but funny nonsense, so kudos to you...
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"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."
Harlan Ellison
#14SnadadosPosted 2/27/2014 12:31:01 PM
Gaming laptop.
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Have you accepted Raspberyl as your loli and savior?
#15NemerlightPosted 2/27/2014 12:31:26 PM
Orestes417 posted...
It's Christmas morning. Billy and Timmy wake up at the crack of dawn, run down the hall to drag their parents out of bed, and fly down the stairs to the pile of presents around the tree.

When the dust settles, Billy has all these great presents: a video game system, a big-ass Nerf gun that shoots 8 different kinds of projectiles, one of those electric slot car tracks where the cars climb up the wall aad go through loops. But then he notices that Timmy only got one present--a little Matchbox car, which he's pushing back and forth in the corner.

"Gee, Timmy," Billy says, "I guess I sure got more presents than you this year."

Timmy says, "Yeah, well at least I don't have cancer."

Just felt like sharing that one. If I win, give it to the 3rd guy below me.
EDIT: yeah, seriously. What can I say, I'm a grim, twisted little morlock.


Good for Timmy.
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Chivalry: Medieval Warfare is the best PC game of 2012.
#16aak57Posted 2/27/2014 12:34:47 PM
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave as they spot the potential danger in the situation.
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http://i.imgur.com/ULj4q.jpg
Let strength be granted, so the world might be mended.
#17iPr0kkaFTW(Topic Creator)Posted 2/28/2014 12:15:07 PM
Last bump! Giving away the CODE TODAY! Anymore jokes?
#18PsythikPosted 2/28/2014 12:15:33 PM
iPr0kkaFTW posted...
Last bump! Giving away the CODE TODAY! Anymore jokes?
Your life.
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4670K | 2GB GTX 770 OC | 8GB 1600 9-9-9-24 | 120GB SSD | 1TB WD Blue | Win8.1 Pro
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#19blax34dmPosted 2/28/2014 12:43:53 PM
Psythik posted...
iPr0kkaFTW posted...
Last bump! Giving away the CODE TODAY! Anymore jokes?
Your life.


this