*In the back of a farmhouse surrounded by woods JR gathers his group together*
JR:Today you men become privates...now the only thing separates you privates from the other form of privates is those are useful. Our enemy is Raj Jay Clay but we will give him the nickname of Dannyboy. Now Dannyboy has set himself up in this locker room in the Arena. Now what we will do is drill from the other-
Person:Why don't we just knock on the door?
JR:Why don't I knock you the **** out what is your name spermcup?
Private:Sir, Private Stephen Brown, Sir.
JR:Bull****, from now on you are Private Tinkerbell, you will be given a wand instead of a gun, understood tinkerbell?
Tinkerbell:Sir, Yes, Sir.
JR:What is your name Soldier?
Person:Sir, David Downey
JR:Bull****, your name is now Private Cross-eyes. Take your glasses off....LOOK ATM E STRAIGHT!
Cross-eyes:Sir, I can't
*JR slaps him*
JR:I will slap you every hour of every day until either your eyeballs get straight or they roll into the back of your head.
JR:what is your name private?
Person:Sir, Private John Tucker
JR:Bull**** your name is now Blue Balls, do you like that name Reach-around?
Blue Balls:No Sir, not at all.
JR:Look at this one here, you got guts. Maybe you will actually amount to something. Hell, I like you. You can come **** my sister when I'm done. JR: Do you have a woman you live for?
Blue Balls:Yes I do, heres a picture
*JR takes picture and goes in front of barn* *JR comes out with full erection and drops the picture in front of him* *JR gets directly behind him*
*Blue Balls is frozen with fear, even the sweat rolling down his cheeks freeze up*
JR:what is your name, Private.
Person:Sir, Private Gomer Pyle.
JR:Tell me why you look like you were born with extra chromosomes boy?
JR: I said how come it looks like your mother and father were brother and sister
JR:The only did your daddy did wrong in his life was he didn't pull otu while he ****ed his sister.
JR:Private I'm not going to give you a nickname when the one you already have shows how pathetic you are. Now I want all you privates to go on a scavenger hunt. The first one who finds all the things on the list sleeps with Gomer. Everybody else will sleep with me! Gomer I have something special for you. I want you to unbuckle your pants and suck your thumb while you walk around the farm. Dismissed.