PlayStation 3

Okay, the game would be about an African-American cross dresser named Milton (who dresses in a Bayonetta-esque catsuit, and uses pole dancing moves, as well as a pair of nunchaku. He'd also roughly be the size of Marcus Fenix, and maybe hairier), who has to guide an undead overlord named Keith, from one end of New York City, to the other, all the while protecting the overlord from an army of zombie slayers (who also all happen to be members of an ancient order who can transform into giant badgers, and have also employed the aid of various mercenary factions, as well as Were-chameleons).

The biggest problem, being that the undead overlord is the severed head of a teenage girl, of which Milton now has as a right hand.

Gameplay would consist of usual 3D beat-em-up BS, except that combat would be dynamic. The player would be allowed to bounce off walls, the ceiling, and use the environment in combat. Taking enemies out as creatively as possible earns you unlockable bonuses, like costumes. None of which will be remotely masculine, except for a rather nice business suit.

Keith's head would be used for various gameplay purposes. Considering how she's indestructible, you'd be able to use her to trigger explosives, trip enemies, hit switches across the room, and to peek around corners.

The game's story, dialogue and atmosphere would take bits from things like TMNT, Resident Evil, Family Guy (before it jumped the shark, so... before the 4th season started), Fist of the North Star, and Golden Girls of all things.

And the villain would be a stereotypically white man who hates Milton, simply because Milton refused to give him a lap dance, because Milton doesn't actually swing that way.

And he'd have a drill sword for an arm.
Yes... a drill... that is also a sword.... for an arm.

Controls:

Square/X/Y: Love tap (a light attack, usually with Keith as the weapon)
Tri/Y/X: Rough love (A heavier attack, usually with the nunchaku, or Milton's enormously muscular legs)
X/A/B: Acrobatics (allows Milton to jump, tilting towards a wall or object will allow Milton to bound off of it, or interact with it in a way that shows off his acrobatic skills)
Circle/B/A: Block (allows Milton to use his trusty teenage shield. She complains a lot after getting hit, and blocking doesn't last forever, and can be broken after a few hits.)

Left analog: Moving, duh.
Right analog: Camera control, genius!

Dpad: Well, up will allow Milton to taunt. Successfully taunting will allow your sexy meter to fill up, which Milton can use to perform "Love Maneuvers", more on that later.

Left and right switch weapons, Milton is proficient in the bo staff, and sai as well as the nunhaku. He learned his martial arts by watching porn, football, and cooking shows.

Down does nothing. It's just a button.

R1/RB/R: allows you to switch to Keith mode. Where you can use her to solve various problems.

R2/RT/ZR: Crouch, to go under those low crevices. Milton likes to get down.

L1/LB/L: Love Maneuvers. Special attacks that use Milton's special "Sexy Meter". You can learn new moves, and most of them utilize his pole dancing, and martial arts training.

L2/LT/ZL: Golgo. Milton whips it out. His trusty M-16, which he named "Golgo". He talks to Golgo as if it were a person. To make it worse, he actually thinks it talks back, and sounds like Morgan Freeman. Golgo allows Milton to make long distance kills, but ammo is scarce. You only get four magazines in the entire game.

Panties: Collectables. Each one you collect unlocks new outfits, videos, developer interviews, music, and weapons to be used after beating the game.
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Hit me up for a match, always looking for new sparring partners.

So Dennis Rodmans life story.
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PSN: toadieman

I don't know what's more sad...me having read all of that, or you thinking it's even remotely funny.

pumpkinpizza posted...

I don't know what's more sad...me having read all of that, or you thinking it's even remotely funny.

Wow, it's true what they say... Sony fans DON'T have a sense of humor.

Either that, or the idea of a muscular black man in a catsuit performing homoerotic poses disgusts you. In which case, would make you both racist, AND homophobic.
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TvC Friend Code: 4598-2098-0537
Hit me up for a match, always looking for new sparring partners.

riddlebox89 posted...

Read it all, didn't laugh.

0/10, would not read again.

Must be allergic to genius.
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TvC Friend Code: 4598-2098-0537
Hit me up for a match, always looking for new sparring partners.