Odd topic, what to do about my friends who I play with.... their attitude...

#1Ravid182Posted 4/23/2013 10:07:26 PM
This is a bit silly of a topic and probably beyond the scope of the message boards. I guess I am asking for a bit of advice.

So I have played this game since about the beginning, short of a few breaks here and there every so often. Through most of my history of this game I have played alone. Completely alone to an extent that I laughed at the idea of me ever even wanting to skype or queue with anyone.

Well at one point I met someone who wanted to play with me [I almost always shunned anyone who tried to get me to queue with them, but every so often I would] and I met him which then had me meet a few other people and now I play most exclusively with them. They are a group of 4 friends in real life, and they pretty much just play with me too. They have not been playing as long as I have. The first one started at I think around the volibear patch and got his friends trickling in over a number of months later. I met most of them shortly after that.

This isn't a complaint about their skill. The group of friends range in skill a great deal and I have enjoyed teaching the newer ones how to play, and my oldest friend of them does about as well as me on average give or take, and the newer friends have gotten better and better.

But it is their attitude. It is like for months and months when I first played with them... we were just a bunch of people having fun, who cares of the outcome. We would try but oh well we lose no biggy! It has become so different over the last number of months [enough for my oldest of them to even remove me from existence for like a 4 month period on everything he has, we have friends again though].

So to get to the point [sorry for the long setup] no one has fun anymore unless the game is a total stomp, and all 4 of these friends call GG and give up if we are down by one or two kills, nothing like at all who they used to be.

Even today I was playing with them, we had a strong team, but we were down one kill, and in a non joking way they were 100% saying how they hate this game and they just want to surrender and give up [they are not saying we couldn't win it, they just were *not having fun* with this game anymore and didn't want to try and win]. We did end up losing the long 58 or so minute game, but only just barely and it lead to great and very enjoyable fights and such.

It is not even just like they only have fun when winning [a common situation in today's world unfortunately] but they don't even try to win and just rage and get depressed.

I have tried everything with them. I try to cheer them up, I try to explain how we can win even though we are only very slightly behind [and they don't care]. I even at one point yelled at one once [something he did common to everyone, but I do once and he disappears for 4 months refusing to speak with me]. It isn't that they don't enjoy the game. They do enjoy it. They just suddenly give up or hate the world if even something as simple as they got 2 kills in lane then the other guy kills them once, and want to quit.

I am often harassed for not surrendering games we have a high chance of winning [even if slightly behind] "because I don't think about the other people who are not having fun." [why do they even play just to give up after 20 minutes when 2 kills behind?]. I will surrender games, but I don't throw enemy teams free victories for no reason.

If I just met these guys and they were like this, I probably would have never bothered with them. But they never were like this. of the over year I have known them, only the last few months have they become this, and I just don't know what to do. I almost just kinda want to move on, but they are still these good people when they don't act like I have described.

I probably poorly explained this, and I know this is a silly topic to have on here, but any advice =\? They are good people, just they are like this every game we play that is not a total snowball..used to not be
#2Ravid182(Topic Creator)Posted 4/23/2013 10:10:33 PM(edited)
And I should clarify, I am sympathetic to a friend not having fun and want to move on... but no exaggeration this is every single game. I try to work with them again and again and often concede my position more than I should, but it solves nothing.

Also when I said friends in real life I mean they are real life friends, I am not with them however.
#3RyokoWinsPosted 4/23/2013 10:18:14 PM
That's rough, man. Wish I could offer more than sympathy. I know it can be awkward and difficult to approach, but maybe talking to them about it would help.
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#4od361Posted 4/23/2013 10:33:02 PM
Try and talk to them about it, but you might need to suggest them all taking a break.
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#5aHappySackaPosted 4/23/2013 10:47:30 PM
Your only choice is to kill them.
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#6Ravid182(Topic Creator)Posted 4/23/2013 10:59:35 PM(edited)
Yeah that is the problem I do try and talk about it even to the extent recently of asking them why they even play just to give up when behind 100 gold lol (i say it nicer though).

I am not saying I don't get angry or frustrated in games, we all do, here and there but this is just non stop(and often I shouldn't have)

Yeah it is difficult. Like my oldest friend was my buddy that in early season 2 (i never played ranked in season one just normals) I spent forever carrying him up to silver where I was as he got better (and me!) And then we got gold and beyond together. Having fun the whole time even through many months of losses and never gave up

And he, while taking longer to turn this way just isnt the same. I almost wonder if this attitude he got started on him and rubbed off on the others. I don't know.
#7siberian142Posted 4/23/2013 11:21:11 PM
Stop playing with them. When they ask why, tell them it is because they freak out every time they are only slightly behind. Make your position clear, that they are making the game much less fun for you by having horrible attitudes and that you want them to improve. Try to not coddle them or submit to them because they are also "not thinking about the other people who are not having fun".

If you're fine with playing in solo queue and they refuse to improve, remove yourself from the bad situation.
#8The-World-SevenPosted 4/23/2013 11:50:49 PM
Hey TC, if they're really serious about doing well and getting better, offer LoLReplay as an option for them to improve, or even to talk about games with each other afterwards.

Often times winning and losing is not about mechanical skill, map awareness or even moment to moment decision making. When a game is close and those things are basically evenly matched, it comes down to mental / emotional states. It's good for you to have realized this, and I understand the difficulty of trying to improve someone's state of mind. Since you know the guys personally you'd be better at reaching them than any advice I could give you here, but I'll offer the following suggestions:

If you make a mistake, call it out. Offer up the fact that it was your fault something bad happened and show that you've forgiven yourself for it. That way you'll remain focused yourself, and your team mates' trust in you will rebound from your admission.

Even if a team mate is being negative, don't invalidate their feelings. "It's okay" becomes meaningless and even tiresome to hear when one is already beating on oneself or others for their mistakes. If you feel compelled to provide an encouraging word, do so objectively, in a way that reinforces a game-focused approach. Appealing to emotions directly might exacerbate the emotional stress (no one likes to have to be taken care of emotionally). You might do this by simply pointing out the next course of action, or again, pointing out your own possible mistakes at the time.

Often times mistakes just come out of miscommunication and no particular individual is at fault. Try to point those moments out for what they are as well.

TL;DR to the above: remain objective.
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If I presumed incorrectly and they don't care about getting better - they just want to stomp games ezmode, then you could always create smurf accounts.
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#9Ravid182(Topic Creator)Posted 4/24/2013 8:54:17 AM(edited)
That is some good advice. Thanks a lot guys. And yeah I think if nothing else works than the I don't want to play with you because of your attitude may be what has to happen.

And don't get me wrong, I really don't care if my friends make mistakes, they know when they do and I try not to berate them for it [I am often caught too much doing what one of you said, and that is saying "it is ok" to try and calm them down or show them how we didn't lose the game over one death or whatever.

But I am really playing with them to have fun. I try my hardest to play well and improve myself in games I am with them like normal, but I can do that solo. I play with them to have that fun of playing with them. But that is starting to disappear lol.

I am sick of every single game my entire team just wanting to give up for no reason. With some of them being such new players [30 for a few months at least] it is hard enough to win a game when they don't give up, but then to on top of that 75% of the games I play my entire team just gives up and wants to surrender....Hard to get even my normal elo up with that attitude lol.

Once I had a game we were actually a decent amount behind and it was getting near looking bleak. My whole team gets mostly picked off near our exposed inhib in small skirmishes, and I kill 3 of them by myself as vayne and as I am killing the 4th for the ace, with him condemned at 10% hp against a wall, my team surrenders [they had killed one of them before] because *they are not having fun anymore*

We may have still lost but when I effectively just 1v4ed their team why in the world would you ever give up at that point? We may still lose but that at least shows we had a strong chance.
#10CovenantPosted 4/24/2013 9:34:17 AM
This isn't a phase. This game has broken them and you need to move on and find people who aren't awful to play with.