Who would win in a drinking contest? Raiden or Armstrong?

#1AzurexNightmarePosted 6/8/2013 1:13:36 AM
He drank a lot after MGS2 right? After (spoilers) what happened with Rose?

(SPOILERS FOR MGR)

Armstrong: Slippery little bastard! I don't have time for this! *rears up leg and slams it on the ground*

Raiden: You've gotta be kidding me!

You find out that Metal Gear Excelsus was being powered by a gigantic keg of 4 lokos

Armstrong: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *absorbs all the liquid from the giant 4 lokos keg* Hahaha....LET'S GO.

Raiden: The hell are you thinking!? *gets knocked down by Armstrong* UGH!

*They fight for a while, and Armstrong gets Raiden in a chokehold*

Armstrong: I drank a lot in college ya know...!

Raiden: Bud Light is for sissies!

Armstrong: Try 3 bottles of Captain Morgan! Coulda stayed clean if I hadn't joined the NAVY! I could outdrink the president and his secretaries....WITH MY BARE MOUTH *throws Raiden up in the air*

Raiden: AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *comes back down from the air*

Armstrong: *kicks Raiden 10 feet away as he comes down* You can't outdrink this senator!

(Nonexistant crowd cheers)

Raiden: Who...the hell...are you?

Armstrong: Hahahaha. How about you stick around and find out?

(Gameplay begins. Raiden has a beer chugging contest with Armstrong)

They both drink beers as fast as they can to see who is truly superior.

(Gameplay ends, Raiden is having trouble keeping up with Armstrong)

Armstrong: *grabs Raiden's beer away from his hand*

Raiden: WHAT!?

Armstrong: Nice beer... *gulps it down in half a second*

Raiden: *laughs maniacally before getting punched 10 feet away* ..... ..... *gets up with his chin really hot, because he slid against metal* ....!!!! *throws a bud light at Armstrong* AUGH!!!

Armstrong: *chugs it in about half a second and starts beating the crap out of Raiden*

Raiden eventually starts to hold his own in the fight again.

Raiden: Typical politician! Big beers...but no beer bongs...!

Armstrong: What!?

Raiden: Jump start the economy....by opening a bunch of bars all over Denver!? What..a load..of bull****!!!! The only thing you care about is...MAKING DUI'S LEGAL. You have no principals! Just like all the rest!!! If the AoA has gone to **** you're just another maggot crawling in the pile!!!

Armstrong: Hahaha. The truth then...you're right about one thing. I love rum...and beer. You wanna know why!? I HAVE A DREAM. That one day, every man in this nation will have a free breathalizer in order to test and surpass their own drinking powers. A land of the truly free, damn it! A nation of action! *punches Raiden* Not words! *kicks Raiden* Ruled by drinking, not committee! *punches Raiden* **** sobriety!!!! *punches Raiden* **** the media!!!! *punches Raiden really hard* **** the AOA!!!! *punches Raiden again* **** not being able to buy Liquor on a Sunday. *kicks Raiden hard* **** this 24/7 spew on how drinking is bad for you BULL****!!!!! *punches Raiden super hard* **** ALL OF IT!!!!! *punches Raiden REALLY hard* Americans can only drink when they are 21. This country and its drinking laws are rotten to the core....we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. BURN IT DOWN *slams Raiden down* I'm going to drink so much after I kick your ass, that I WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!!

Raiden: *wasted from chugging so many beers and recieving an ass beating* What the hell...are you....talking abouuuutt......

Armstrong: You still don't get it, do you? I'm using beer as a business to get elected!!! *beats the crap out of Raiden again for like 10 minutes* ....*lights up a cigar after chugging another beer* So...what do you think?
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PS3, Vita, 3DS. PSN: xLionhartx
The official Main Character of SMT
#2AzurexNightmare(Topic Creator)Posted 6/8/2013 1:14:18 AM
Raiden: How the hell did you get elected...?

Armstrong: Hahaha. Well...I don't brew my own beer. *gets off of Raiden* You should start drinking the brand that YOU believe in sometime, Jack. Not for your buddies, your co-workers or for anyone else.

Raiden: Ugh...Maybe...I was wrong about you....

Armstrong: Am I finally getting through? :) *helps Raiden stand up* I'll rid this world of ****y beer, Jack.

Raiden: I was wrong......you're not greedy....

*Armstrong embraces Jack gently*

Raiden: YOU'RE A BAT**** DRUNK!!!!! *puts his legs on Armstrong's head and throws him 10 feet away*

Armstrong: URGH!!! *looks between his legs, underneath* WHAT!? *slams his fist down on the ground*
I'm making the mother of all beer salt here jack! You can't fret over every chug!

Raiden: Not when you drink like a wussy, right? You've never been sober...you don't know what its like to pawn your belongings, to borrow money, fight, and kill, JUST TO GET DRUNK

Armstrong: But you did survive! Through sheer force of will, with your own two hands. YOU TOOK BACK YOUR LIFE.

Raiden: And now...I'll take yours....!

(The beer chug contest with Armstrong continues)

Armstrong stands and watches as Raiden gets a 20 pack and opens it up.

The player has to keep pressing square to make Raiden chug as many beers as he can, as fast as possible. Raiden opens beer after beer and gulps them down, his eyes turning red

Armstrong: *picks up a whole keg and chugs it all down* Hmph.

Raiden: .....*getting angry* ARGH!!!! *gets 2 thirty packs*

The player has to keep pressing triangle as fast as possible to make Raiden chug all 60 beers and quickly as possible.

Armstrong: *picks up 2 kegs and chugs them all down in 3 minutes*

(Gameplay ends, cutscene begins)

Raiden: *already wasted* WHY WON'T YOU GET DRUNK!!!!!!!!?

Armstrong: *kicks Raiden about 20 feet away* ...Time...to end this... *gets on top of Raiden with 5 bottles of Jack Daniels. He opens them up, one after another, forcing Raiden to chug the entire bottles* DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! *makes Raiden chug them faster* ..... *pulls out a giant bottle of Bacardi 151 and opens it up* DIE YOU PIECE OF ****!!!!!!!!!! *forces Raiden to chug it*

Raiden appears to be passed out. It seems all is lost. Raiden has failed.

Armstrong: Well then..it looks we are about done here..*reaches for Raiden's wallet, to take his money*

Wolf: Raiden...

Random guy on the development team who is on the vocal track for some reason: WOOOAAHHHH....HOAA HOAA HOAAAH HOAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raiden: *opens one eye* (oh wait...he only has one eye....) Wolf...!

Beerwolf: Begin playback...
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PS3, Vita, 3DS. PSN: xLionhartx
The official Main Character of SMT
#3AzurexNightmare(Topic Creator)Posted 6/8/2013 1:15:23 AM
Sam Video Recording: Two years I have been working on this beer salt. And on the last day, after 10 years, I am finally able to make it work. It enables you to drink about 100 times more than you normally can. Well then...lets put it to the test then, shall we? May the best man win. My wife caught me cheating on her the other day...I was so wasted I wasn't able to come up with a good allibi and she left me. I barricaded my room with some wooden planks. But allow me to say this while I still have time. If she comes back in here...and she beats me....if I die here....the lock on this beer salt will disable after a couple hours. What happens after that, if up to you Wolfy.

Armstrong: Huh! After his wife beat him to death with a tire iron...that guy is still a pain in my ass....So...you think that little beer salt can save your master? Well go ahead then! But make no mistake...FIDO. When I'm finished with him...you're next.

Beerwolf: I was not designed to beat anyone at a drinking contest.

Armstrong: That's a good boy.

Beerwolf: However...directive zero-one is to ensure that all drinks are served and passed along. Before Samuel fell...he tested this beer salt on me...and I was able to keep up with Solid Snake himself.

Armstrong: ....You little ****!!!!!!!!! *jumps after him*

Beerwolf: *throws the prototype beer salt to Raiden*

Armstrong: DAMN MUTT! *kicks away Beerwolf*

Raiden: *catches the beer salt, and empties it into his mouth, instantly gaining its powers* ARMSTRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Armstrong: urgh! *turns around and sees Raiden below*

Raiden: I said my beer salt was a tool of justice. Not used in anger...not used for vengeance....but now....now I'm not so sure. And besides....this isn't my beer salt!!!!

Armstrong: *jumps down* COME ON!!!!

Raiden: Okay....let's drink!!!!

(FINAL BATTLE BEGINS)

Raiden and Armstrong run towards eachother. A QTE happens where they rear their arms back with their beers, and thrust them forward at max power. A fist with a beer in the hand. Raiden presses O and wins. He smashes the **** out of Armstrong's beer which makes it explode.

Armstrong: HAHAHAHA. THAT ONE HURT!!!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST DRINKING SESSION OF MY LIFE. *jumps on top of Metal Gear Excelsus*

Raiden: WHAT!?

Armstrong: *pulls out ten 30 packs of budweiser from the remains if MGE and lifts them up, throwing them at Raiden*

Raiden uses beer mode, stops time, and opens each can of beer that came flying out of the box and chugs them down rapidly one by one. He downs all 30. Armstrong continues to throw more and Raiden keeps chugging them all.

Armstrong: *chugs the whole keg and yells in the air* UGH!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raiden has now chugged enough beer in order to far surpass Armstrong in strength*

Armstrong: WHAT!?

Raiden: *grabs a beer and punches Armstrong through his chest with it, into his liver* WE'RE DONE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PS3, Vita, 3DS. PSN: xLionhartx
The official Main Character of SMT
#4ShadowHearsePosted 6/8/2013 1:34:48 AM
Dude, holy f*** this is a board for discussing Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. Not Fanfiction.net.

Stop posting your fanfiction.
#5NetherTraitor0Posted 6/8/2013 7:38:29 AM
By the chainsaw of Kate Higgins!!!
What in the ****ting he!! did I just read?
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Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of The New World fan for eternity!
Don't like it? #dealwithit
#6Hunter1534Posted 6/8/2013 8:06:56 AM
Drunkness breeds drunkness
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#7MurphysGhostPosted 6/8/2013 8:09:45 AM
Hunter1534 posted...
Drunkness breeds drunkness


In the end, it has to be this way...

*whips out trusty beer funnel*
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"The act of treachery is an art, but the traitor himself is a piece of ****." - Mike Tyson
#8Hunter1534Posted 6/8/2013 8:12:31 AM
Standing here and I realize you were just like me trying to get tipsy.
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#9MurphysGhostPosted 6/8/2013 8:16:40 AM
I puked in my glass, you fell on your ass, but maybe we're both the same?
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"The act of treachery is an art, but the traitor himself is a piece of ****." - Mike Tyson
#10ShabugabugabugaPosted 6/8/2013 8:19:13 AM
Hunter1534 posted...
Standing here and I realize you were just like me trying to get tipsy.


But who's to judge the beer from wine? When our drinks are downed I think we'll both agree
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"If someone told me ten years ago that Raiden was going to be cooler than Dante, I would have told you to just shut up and allow me to punch you."