ITT we give Ford hilarious one-liners.

#41elheber(Topic Creator)Posted 7/4/2010 4:30:36 PM
Ford (to an enemy): I'll let you live so you can deliver your boss a message for me.
*purposefully shoots the enemy in the knees*
Ford: Oops. I guess now you've lost your use as a messenger.
*gunshots*

...

Ford: I just killed 40 of your friends. I took their weapons and then killed 10 more right in front of you. You know why? Because they were shooting at me. Now I dropped you with a shell of buckshot to your abdomen, walk past you, and then see you reaching for a nearby weapon. *sigh* I guess my point is: I really wanted to conserve ammo.
*shotgun blasts*

...

Prometheus: Stop pistol-whipping his face, Michael, you've already killed him.
Ford: He said something about my Momma during the firefight!
Prometheus: He did not say something about your Mother, Michael, he's Drudge. He doesn't even know English!
*stops pistol-whipping*
Ford: Oh... OK then.
*walks up to a human corpse and starts pistol-whipping it*
Prometheus: What?! Michael!
Ford: I know SOMEONE said something about my Momma!

...

Ford: I'm about to flip this coin to decide if you should live or die. The rules are simple: Heads, you die. Tails... you die.
---
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
Daos (Doritos and Orange Soda) for Con2 currency name. I support this.
#42tcoastiePosted 7/5/2010 12:16:54 PM

(Walks up to an enemy)

Ford: You wanna know the biggest difference between you and me.

(Shoots enemy in the face)

Ford: i'm alive and your dead.

#43SupahShnipaPosted 7/5/2010 12:27:55 PM
*Ford kills a Drudge
*Spins in circles yelling "ROFLCOPTER!"
---
MWR Screen Name - Pur1fy | The Conduit Screen Name - Pure | MOH:H2 - Pur1fy
http://www.youtube.com/user/SupahShnipa - COMMENTARIES
#44UltimateFlame13Posted 7/5/2010 12:45:06 PM

From: elheber | #041
Ford: I'm about to flip this coin to decide if you should live or die. The rules are simple: Heads, you die. Tails... you die.


Ford is Harvey Dent now :o
---
Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been -Albert Einstein
Wanting: Golden Sun DD, Conduit 2, Starcraft 2, Civ V
#45elheber(Topic Creator)Posted 7/5/2010 2:42:46 PM
Ford: Ugh, I've got Drudge guts all over my face now. And i- hm. Mmm. It's actually kind of sweet.

...

Ford: 100th enemy felled. XP level up. Picked up 100 Daos. Acquired new ability: Mega Strike.
Prometheus: This isn't a game, Michael.
*both silently stare at the camera*

...

Ford: I was gonna let you live, but then I thought to myself, "What if this is the last enemy I encounter?" I just don't want to have any regrets, you know? No hard feelings, pal.

...

Ford (to an enemy): If I were you, I'd be about to die.
---
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
Daos (Doritos and Orange Soda) for Con2 currency name. I support this.
#46manthony_HiggsPosted 7/6/2010 10:49:39 AM
*Beats drudge to death with a clock*

Looks like... time ran out for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja0_m-4NAec
---
REMEMBER ME? Official Mysterious african american of the Metroid: Other M Board
#47elheber(Topic Creator)Posted 7/7/2010 11:58:35 PM
Ford (after gunfight): I'm glad I'm not fighting zombies, because there sure are a lot of dead people around me.
---
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
Daos (Doritos and Orange Soda) for Con2 currency name. I support this.
#48elheber(Topic Creator)Posted 7/15/2010 4:01:24 PM
Ford (to enemy): I'm in the business of killing bad guys. (closeup on Ford's face) And business is booming. Just listen...
*Ford pumps shotgun*
*BOOM!*
---
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
Daos (Doritos and Orange Soda) for Con2 currency name. I support this.
#49donkeypunch1116Posted 7/15/2010 4:06:40 PM
ford-"wow, this drudge has stinky nuts!"

---
Modern Warfare Reflex: 3426 0715 8657 tag: PUNCHOUT1116
***pizza and colt 45: the unofficial meal of conduit 2***
#50elheber(Topic Creator)Posted 7/15/2010 4:07:08 PM
And now for something completely different: (WARNING: The Conduit SPOILERS AHEAD)

Prometheus: There's no time Michael.
Ford: Where did that come from? I wasn't even taking a break; I was running toward that target on the HUD.
Prometheus: Sorry, I just hate those long bouts of silence when you're just executing bad guys. What's that you're putting on your lips?
Ford: Lip balm. The stress is killing me.
Prometheus: What does lip balm have to do with your stress rating?
Ford: "Rating"? And this isn't just any lip balm; this is Jäger Balm.
Prometheus: Jager bomb? Isn't that an alcoholic cocktail?
Ford: (shakes head) Jäger Balm. And, no; cocktails are liquid. (applies more Jäger Balm)
Prometheus: There's no time for drinking Michael.
Ford: Uh... I'm not drinking. That implies drinking stuff. This is... WHOA... it's hittin' me! This **** is strong. Wooooo!!!
Prometheus: That thing says 210 proof. Is that even mathematically possible?
Ford: HEY! Don't question the Balm. You're harshing my buzz... b'sides... at the alcohol concentration this is at, it's considered more of a narcotic than an alcoholic... thing.
Prometheus: Michael, you're skunk drunk.
Ford: Oh... dude... you're... you sound like my Mom. I'm not drunk, MOM! I'm not even drinking. Watch me shoot that light on that lamp post. What is it... like... a mile away.
*gunshot*
Prometheus: Michael that was a bird on a telephone pole. (pause) But I am impressed you were able to hit it. Still, Michael- hey, what are you doing?
Ford: I'm taking another shot of Jäger Balm.
Prometheus: You just called it a shot, so you must be drinking!
Ford: I said "applying" Jäger Balm. I said "applying". I'm applying another shot of Jäger Balm.
Prometheus: (sigh) If I had my body I would punch you SO hard right now.
Ford: Srsly?! I just... I just killed like 80 druges. I slayed a giant 3-story sea monster. Sea monster! ...ugh... I feel sick.
Prometheus: Are you OK Michael? The alcohol seems to be getting to you. What's your nausea factor?
Ford: "Factor"? Oh man.... ...This is sober nausea. Before you got in this ball, I was alright. We needed radio silence, or there was like interference, or stuff. But now that you're in the ball, your all "yap yap yap." Iz like... you know?
Prometheus: (silence)
Ford: Awww, dude. Im sorry. You're cool, man... alien. Alien man ball. Maybe it's just the Jäger Balm speaking, but you're the coolest alien I know. Alien man ball. (chuckle) No but srsly dude. You're like... a brother to me! Why cant we live in peace? Brotherly love between man, aliens, and humans. Just... peace and friendsh- OH SHI-
*Ford shoots and kills an enemy Trust*
Ford: Did you see that? He just came out of nowhere!
Prometheus: No, I think he just walked out of that door for a smoke break. I don't think he had even noticed us.
Ford: (closeup on Ford's face) Smoking kills. Ugh, yeah tho, where was I? ...Peace. You know? (pulls clip out of gun to check ammo, then puts it back in) World peace everywhere. You and me. What's your real name anyway?
Prometheus: You wouldn't be able to pronounce it. (says his name in alien language)
Ford: Oh wtf. "Glkgwfnnnntpptps".
Prometheus: It sounds nothing like that.
Ford: Forget it man... I'll just call you Bub.
Prometheus: Just call me Prometheus.
Ford: ...(hiccup)... ...(stumbles a little)... "Prameyhusmmms".
Prometheus: **** it, Michael! Just call me Bub!

END SCENE
---
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
Daos (Doritos and Orange Soda) for Con2 currency name. I support this.