One liners

#1USPmastaPosted 2/27/2011 10:59:28 PM
So I wanted to bump the first one liners thread from a while back, but it was archived =\. To get the ball rolling, id like to start off with some. They probably suck, please tell me if they do. And post your own!

Ford: So, puppet, you like your job?
Puppet: It's pretty okay.
Ford: you get hazard pay?
Puppet: No, why?
*gunshot*
Ford: No reason.

Ford: I'm baaaaaaaack!!

Adams: So, did you use the elevator button mr ford?
Ford: No *cocks gun* I took the mother****in stairs.
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Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Now playing FFXIII TCon LOTR Conquest KotOR Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Yes I love God He loves you The End
#2The_ShaderPosted 2/27/2011 11:18:49 PM
These arent one liners...
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Sparkster returns after 16 years in..... "Rocket Knight"
My Alias for Wii Online = "Shader" Monster Hunter Tri = "Deimos"
#3USPmasta(Topic Creator)Posted 2/27/2011 11:26:35 PM
Yeah, I know. Feel free to post actual one liners. But after rereading that thread, it was very scenario based.
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Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.
#4elheberPosted 2/28/2011 12:07:55 AM
It's fine. The one-liners for Ford stopped being one line each a long time ago. Still, I'll do my best for single line one-liners (redundant, I know):

Ford: "I'm going to shoot you two times. I needed to tell you about the second shot now, because you'll be dead from the first."

Ford: "What? You thought you'd live longer because I need to interrogate you? Don't answer that, I'm not here to interrogate you."

Ford: "Of course I know how to kill it, Prometheus... Just shoot it in the head until it stops moving, right?"

Ford: "Lady, I do things my own way. It usually involves guns."

Ford: "You've got five seconds to tell me how to turn this machine off before I pump you full of buckshot in places where not even a doctor w- Oh, time's up." *BOOM*
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"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
#5USPmasta(Topic Creator)Posted 2/28/2011 12:20:14 AM
Ah, elheiber, good to see you. Nice man!

"Daos? Nah, I eat radiation grenades. Speaking of which, here's lunch!" *throws rad at drudge*

"Did you see that one film called "your life"? No? Well here, let me make it flash before your eyes."

"Hey drudge *melees to death with orange soda* feelin sun kist?"
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Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.
#6Jonsey117Posted 2/28/2011 5:32:07 AM
Ford: (After killing Med-Mite) Heal THAT!!!

More to come when I actually have time to get the creative wheel's turning.
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Goldeneye 007 FC: 4256-6766-8294 "That was the worst throw ever, of all time" "Not my fault, someone put a wall in my way"
#7elheberPosted 2/28/2011 6:41:30 PM(edited)
It's time for one-liners by non-Ford characters!

Adams: "I had prepared a wonderfully long monologue for when I had you trapped, Mr. Ford, but I won't use it... because I can't wait any longer to kill you."
(Ford already escaped)

Prometheus: "There's no time Michael! You can teabag them later."

Andromeda: "No touching."

Human Grunt: "'Join the Trust,' they said. 'They have excellent benefits,' they said. 'You pretty much just stand around all day.' Yeah? Well, where's the part about some blood-lusting psycho running around turning us all into gibs, huh? Put that in the brochure!"

Adams: "I'm afraid I can't stay around any longer, but my pet can keep you company. Just make sure not to breathe... he really hates that."

Prometheus: "You already prevent them from reproducing by killing them, Michael. You don't need to shoot them in the crotch five times."

Andromeda: "They're heels, so what? Did that room littered with Drudge corpses not convince you that I can handle myself?"

Human Grunt: "They don't pay me enough for this."
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"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
#8RyokoWinsPosted 2/28/2011 6:09:29 PM
elheber wins this topic.
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I apologize for whatever I just said.
#9elheberPosted 2/28/2011 7:37:21 PM(edited)
I credit donkeypunch for insisting that Ford likes to teabag. That really stuck to me. donkeypunch is the one with the strangest lines...
ford-"wow, this drudge has stinky nuts!"

Truly an underage user alert. Since the old thread is archived (and we already lost an even older thread), I might bring some of them over.

Prometheus: Michael, stop. He's been dead-cold for several minutes now. You should stop teabagging him and get on with the mission.
Ford: I work on my own schedule. (continues teabagging)

Ford: Say hello to my little friend.
Prometheus: Hi.
*beats the **** out of an enemy with the ASE*

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/991817-conduit-2/55414369
There's gotta be another thread with one-liners... I'm gonna search for it/them.

EDIT: Here's another one-liner thread, newer than the one above, here:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/991817-conduit-2/57119185
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"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
#10USPmasta(Topic Creator)Posted 2/28/2011 7:43:55 PM
Elheiber wins life son.
Speaking of donkeypunch, is he still around? My favorite was the one about ford unZips his pants and is like "yet down on your knees.
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Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.