One liners

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6 years ago#1
So I wanted to bump the first one liners thread from a while back, but it was archived =\. To get the ball rolling, id like to start off with some. They probably suck, please tell me if they do. And post your own!

Ford: So, puppet, you like your job?
Puppet: It's pretty okay.
Ford: you get hazard pay?
Puppet: No, why?
*gunshot*
Ford: No reason.

Ford: I'm baaaaaaaack!!

Adams: So, did you use the elevator button mr ford?
Ford: No *cocks gun* I took the mother****in stairs.
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6 years ago#2
These arent one liners...
Sparkster returns after 16 years in..... "Rocket Knight"
My Alias for Wii Online = "Shader" Monster Hunter Tri = "Deimos"
6 years ago#3
Yeah, I know. Feel free to post actual one liners. But after rereading that thread, it was very scenario based.
Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.
6 years ago#4
It's fine. The one-liners for Ford stopped being one line each a long time ago. Still, I'll do my best for single line one-liners (redundant, I know):

Ford: "I'm going to shoot you two times. I needed to tell you about the second shot now, because you'll be dead from the first."

Ford: "What? You thought you'd live longer because I need to interrogate you? Don't answer that, I'm not here to interrogate you."

Ford: "Of course I know how to kill it, Prometheus... Just shoot it in the head until it stops moving, right?"

Ford: "Lady, I do things my own way. It usually involves guns."

Ford: "You've got five seconds to tell me how to turn this machine off before I pump you full of buckshot in places where not even a doctor w- Oh, time's up." *BOOM*
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
6 years ago#5
Ah, elheiber, good to see you. Nice man!

"Daos? Nah, I eat radiation grenades. Speaking of which, here's lunch!" *throws rad at drudge*

"Did you see that one film called "your life"? No? Well here, let me make it flash before your eyes."

"Hey drudge *melees to death with orange soda* feelin sun kist?"
Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.
6 years ago#6
Ford: (After killing Med-Mite) Heal THAT!!!

More to come when I actually have time to get the creative wheel's turning.
Goldeneye 007 FC: 4256-6766-8294 "That was the worst throw ever, of all time" "Not my fault, someone put a wall in my way"
5 years ago#7
It's time for one-liners by non-Ford characters!

Adams: "I had prepared a wonderfully long monologue for when I had you trapped, Mr. Ford, but I won't use it... because I can't wait any longer to kill you."
(Ford already escaped)

Prometheus: "There's no time Michael! You can teabag them later."

Andromeda: "No touching."

Human Grunt: "'Join the Trust,' they said. 'They have excellent benefits,' they said. 'You pretty much just stand around all day.' Yeah? Well, where's the part about some blood-lusting psycho running around turning us all into gibs, huh? Put that in the brochure!"

Adams: "I'm afraid I can't stay around any longer, but my pet can keep you company. Just make sure not to breathe... he really hates that."

Prometheus: "You already prevent them from reproducing by killing them, Michael. You don't need to shoot them in the crotch five times."

Andromeda: "They're heels, so what? Did that room littered with Drudge corpses not convince you that I can handle myself?"

Human Grunt: "They don't pay me enough for this."
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
5 years ago#8
elheber wins this topic.
I apologize for whatever I just said.
5 years ago#9
I credit donkeypunch for insisting that Ford likes to teabag. That really stuck to me. donkeypunch is the one with the strangest lines...
ford-"wow, this drudge has stinky nuts!"

Truly an underage user alert. Since the old thread is archived (and we already lost an even older thread), I might bring some of them over.

Prometheus: Michael, stop. He's been dead-cold for several minutes now. You should stop teabagging him and get on with the mission.
Ford: I work on my own schedule. (continues teabagging)

Ford: Say hello to my little friend.
Prometheus: Hi.
*beats the **** out of an enemy with the ASE*

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/991817-conduit-2/55414369
There's gotta be another thread with one-liners... I'm gonna search for it/them.

EDIT: Here's another one-liner thread, newer than the one above, here:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/991817-conduit-2/57119185
"A closet intellectual, he acts dumb to impress women."
5 years ago#10
Elheiber wins life son.
Speaking of donkeypunch, is he still around? My favorite was the one about ford unZips his pants and is like "yet down on your knees.
Daos for Con2 currency supporter! Touch the masters bass, lose an arm meatbag.
Beatles are the BEST band ever.
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