So, it turns out my Linksys router from 2007 has just gone kaput (as far as I'm concerned). I started experiencing problems a couple days after the Wii U came out. I couldn't connect to matches in several games (unless they had dedicated servers). Somehow, the WEP security went haywire. When I reset the router and redid the settings, I was able to connect to matches once again, but games were unnaturally laggy. Conduit 2 was especially bad.
I was unable to land SPAS shots about 80% of the time, and USP shots were hard to make too. Even when I landed shots, they weren't doing damage until about a second later. This was making it incredibly hard to fight people. Symph and eig7hty were kicking my ass all over the place. Chain also noted that I've been playing like crap lately, and he wasn't wrong. Even the Carbonizer was taking twice as long to kill people, and, well, you just don't mess with a man's Carbonizer! That isn't cool.
I finally had enough of that crap tonight (because it felt like running through mud or wearing heavy armor), so I disconnected the old router and hooked up a new one. Voila. My problems disappeared just like that. I just got done with two matches, one small match against Signal, and one large match (a full 6 on 6) with dug. Both matches went almost flawless from a connection perspective. SPAS shots landed, and they landed on time. USP shots also worked.
So, I'm back to normal. And actually, thanks for letting me know that I wasn't playing right Chain. It helped me identify the problem. I knew something was just way off. It wasn't simply a bad day. My games had been freezing way more often lately, and they were freezing in places they never froze before (like lobbies). Now I'm back to normal. If you're having similar problems, I suggest you check your router. It worked for me.
Now for the important part: No more easy kills off of me!
http://www.youtube.com/watchmeplaynintendo Status: Jaye killed me - http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/5632/jayemurder.jpg