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Animal Crossing Creepypasta Sequel Preview *FANMADE*

#1StreetPasWantrPosted 5/15/2013 2:25:20 PM
After reading the Animal Crossing Creepypasta, I wanted to do a sequel. So here's a little preview. Can you please post your thoughts? Thanks!

I told my mom SO many times, "No! I don't want to go to Camp Yay! Can't I just play Animal Crossing all summer?!" She just had to send me to a gay camp with a gay name. Ugh! I'd rather go to my horrid, bully-full middle school than this crap! I don't want to "enjoy nature".

I stared out the window at the lush vegetation outside of the old, rusty, and surprisingly almost empty train. I sighed heavily, wishing to go back home. Missing out on the launch of Animal Crossing: New Lead, a game I've wanted for years, sucks...

"Oh! Excuse me! I have a quick question for you!"

My train of thought was interrupted by a voice from one of the passengers. I turned around saw myself facing... a cat?!

"It's now 11:01 PM on June 9th, 2013, right?"

WHAT?! A CAT is TALKING to me?! What sorcery is this?! Wait, maybe he's in a suit? Who travels on a train in a cat costume? Also, why is he asking for the month and year too? I don't even have a watch, for goodness sakes!

I notice behind him a clock. Why doesn't he just check that? The clock and time match, so I slowly say, "Yep."

"I was right! Oh good! This watch of mine, it gets thrown off real easily sometimes!" the weird "cat" continues. Awkward silence ensues. Who the heck is this guy? I have so many questions!

"I'm just gonna plop down in the seat across from you. If you don't mind, of course!"

I nodded slightly, hesitant to have a stranger in front of me. The cat thing, let's call him Rover, sits in the chair in front of me.

"By the way, you-HOLD IT!" The cat exclaimed. "Can I ask your name?"

I try to say no, but for some reason, a hidden force forces me to say, "Leo."

"Oh, Leo..? Well, that's a fantastically great name!"

I say to him, "Yeah, I guess it's OK."

"It is a cute name! And so fitting for a girl like you!" Rover enquiries.

WHAT?! "Do I look like a girl to you?! Leo isn't even a girl name! I'm a guy!"

Rover looked shocked, which made me very angry at him. "Oh, oops. So you're a boy!" You don't say! "GAH! Sorry about that!" This guy is getting weirder and weirder.

"So, Leo... Tell me where are you headed today?"

I want to say of all my heart, "STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! HOW ABOUT YOU?! "WHO ARE YOU?!"

"Camp Yay." I mutter. Why am I acting all polite today?!

"So, do you go to Camp Yay often?" Rover asks.

"Never been." I replied, looking out the window, wondering when the hell the train will drop me off. My eyes twitch.

"Oh, today is your first time? That sounds like tons of fun." No, it doesn't.

"Can I ask, why are you headed there?" Rover keeps asking questions, but for some reason, I can't help to answer his pleading red eyes.

"My mom forced me." My mouth twitches. Why is this happening?

"Oh wow, is that right? That sounds pretty good to me!"

Rover, what is wrong with you?! For some reason, I'm getting de ja vu from him.

(Continued below)
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#2StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 2:25:30 PM
Thankfully, I hear the train bell ring before Rover gets another chance to ask me another question.

"Now arriving in Camp Yay."

FINALLY! Saved by the bell.

"OK, good luck, Leo! Bye-bye!" Rover waves goodbye, and though his voice was as happy and merry as can be, there was a slight sadness in his eyes. Why did he say good luck?

I get up slowly, and leave the train.

What do you think? Please post your opinion about this first part of this new adventure!
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#3StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 2:31:50 PM
Inspiration came from Chewbot, who created the first part here: http://lparchive.org/Animal-Crossing/Update%201/
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#4RessechuPosted 5/15/2013 3:25:56 PM
It does my heart good to see someone writing a post that requires over 4000 characters. Are you in middle school? That'd be really cute. It'd be a lot cuter if you were a girl though. Are you a girl?

Who is your favorite author? Does he write in this cynical, world-hating way? Or is that just your favorite type of writing?

There's some "I AM FEELING SAD" types of sentences, which is best avoided.

Rover looked shocked, which made me very angry at him.

Especially in this case it's unnecessary, as I think you clear up your being angry at Rover in the following statements.

I only write smut so I can kind of avoid this issue, but I am not a fan of the use of variations of "said" in writing. Since there's only two people, at times it should be obvious who's talking. I mean, they tell you not to use said all the time and spice it up, but I don't really prefer multiple variations on the word in speech heavy situations. Like this one.

I'm far from a professional writer, but at least I know what I like. Additionally, I'm not hooked. I don't read fanfiction. I don't like fanfiction.

(I write fanfiction)

But very little has happened as of now. As an introduction to a greater story, I think it was a bit short. Rover didn't teach us much except for that the main character hates everything and everyone, while not being a very entertaining character in himself. But still, keep it coming so I can determine if I like the main character or not.




Also, I really love you. Maybe even more than other users of this board. Let's keep that between us though ;)
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I like Leon's Jacket. It's nice.
#5StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 3:47:47 PM
Thank you! Yeah, I'm in 7th grade. But I'm a guy, lol.

I like Kenneth Oppel a lot, but I don't usually write in a hateful way. I felt it suited the character a lot so I used that style.

I'll use your advice and do a rewrite of the intro! It was very helpful! I'll add some new elements to make it interesting.

Also, there will be parts of the story that will have screenshots, as per the original story, but I don't have those now, so here ya go.

Again, thanks for the feedback!
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#6StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 4:35:35 PM
Revised it a bit. It's not a final draft or anything, but it's a start.

Crimson liquid ran down my cheek as I narrowly missed the swing of the silver axe held by small, yet strong hands. I leaped as the weapon rushes in to strike my fast pumping heart. I stumble on to an old, blood-stained sign that says, "Welcome to Camp Yay!" I trip on to the wooden board with happy animal faces and await my doom as his blue eyes stare into my soul.

Yeah, camp sucks. But lets not get too far ahead. I know that the beginning is less dramatic than this, but stick with me for a moment.

Even though I told her so many times, "No! I don't want to go to Camp Yay! Can't I just play Animal Crossing all summer?!" My mom just had to send me to a gay camp with a gay name. Ugh! I'd rather go to my horrid, bully-full middle school than this crap! I don't want to "enjoy nature".

I stared out the window at the lush vegetation outside of the old, rusty, and surprisingly almost empty train. I sighed heavily, wishing to go back home. Missing out on the launch of Animal Crossing: New Leaf, a game I've wanted for years, sucks...

"Oh! Excuse me! I have a quick question for you!"

My train of thought was interrupted by a voice from one of the passengers. I turned around gawked as I faced... a cat?!

"It's now 11:01 PM on June 9th, 2013, right?"

WHAT?! A CAT is TALKING to me?! What sorcery is this?! Wait, maybe he's in a suit? Who travels on a train in a cat costume? Also, why is he asking for the month and year too? And how am I supposed to know the time if I don't even have a watch, for goodness sakes!

As the questions soared through my head like wild fire, I notice a digital clock behind him. Why doesn't he just check that? Man, this guy is odd. The clock and time match anyway, so I slowly say, "Yep."

"I was right! Oh good! This watch of mine, it gets thrown off real easily sometimes!" the weird "cat" replies. Awkward silence ensues. Who the heck is this guy? I have so many questions!

"I'm just gonna plop down in the seat across from you. If you don't mind, of course!"

I nodded slightly, hesitant to have a stranger sit in front of me. The cat thing, let's call him Rover, sits on the torn up beige seat in front of me.

"By the way, you-HOLD IT!" The feline exclaimed. "Can I ask your name?"

I try to say no, but for some reason, a hidden force forces me to say, "Leo."

"Oh, Leo..? Well, that's a fantastically great name!"

"Yeah, I guess it's OK."

"It is a cute name! And so fitting for a girl like you!"

WHAT?! "Do I look like a girl to you?! Leo isn't even a girly name! I'm a guy!" I blush embarrassingly.

Rover looked shocked, eyes as wide as wide as an old tree. "Oh, oops. So you're a boy!" You don't say! "GAH! Sorry about that!" This guy is getting weirder and weirder.
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#7StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 4:36:18 PM
"So, Leo... Tell me where are you headed today?"

I want to say of all my heart, "STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! HOW ABOUT YOU?! WHO ARE YOU?!"

"Camp Yay." I mutter. Why am I acting so polite today?!

"So, do you go to Camp Yay often?"

"Never been." I replied, looking out the window, wondering when the hell the train will drop me off. My eyes twitch.

"Oh, today is your first time? That sounds like tons of fun." No, it doesn't.

"Can I ask, why are you headed there?" He keeps asking questions, but for some reason, I can't help to answer his pleading red eyes.

"My mom forced me."

"Oh wow, is that right? That sounds pretty good to me!"

While his talking would usually tick me off, I noticed something outside the window. Hidden in the abundant grass, there's something... red? The train passed by too quickly to see what was in the bushes. Hm...

"Uh, Leo? There's something you should know about Camp Yay." Rover worriedly peered over his shoulder to make sure no one was around. He whispered, "You've got to-"

I hear the train bell ring before Rover gets a chance to finish his sentence.

"Now arriving in Camp Yay."

FINALLY! Saved by the bell.

"OK... good luck, Leo! Bye-bye!" Rover waves goodbye, and though his voice was as happy and merry as can be, there was a slight sadness in his eyes. Why did he say good luck?

I get up from my beige seat and walk towards the front of the train. Something is amiss here...
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#8AIvinnPosted 5/15/2013 4:51:25 PM
"a gay camp with a gay name."

literally just stopped reading right there.
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Sent from my iPhone via PowerGuides 2.2.1
#9StreetPasWantr(Topic Creator)Posted 5/15/2013 5:07:49 PM
AIvinn posted...
"a gay camp with a gay name."

literally just stopped reading right there.


Hey, it's his way of thinking. Not mine.
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NutOfDeath is my slave. I'm also a Viewtiful Gene poser.
Nintendo E3 2013 Countdown: http://tinyurl.com/NintyE32013
#10xLinkkuPosted 5/16/2013 12:34:45 AM
What about this is Creepypasta? Do you even know what that is?
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