Review by Lord Loto

"Teeth Invader"

Intro:

This "game" is absolutely horrible. It was made for the Commodore 64 in 1982, and I really hope it was intended as a joke, especially since there's ONE invader and it's invading all the teeth. The only reason I even played it was because I expected it to be a funny Space Invaders clone...

Graphics: 2/10

There are eight white squares for teeth, something that's supposed to be a toothbrush, a suggestive looking toothpaste dispenser, and a pack of floss that keeps it's only piece of floss on the outside of the container. Did I mention your enemy looks like a comma and you're a small blue stick figure?

Sounds: 3/10

The sound is by far the best part of the game, and believe me, it's barely average. There are a few short pieces of annoying music that'll make your ears bleed, and then the generic beeps and boops, which might just give you a bad enough headache to knock you out. But don't count on yourself being that lucky.

Gameplay: 1/10

Who the Heck thought of this game? I mean, seriously, you're a stick figure. You're in the mouth of someone with only eight teeth. There's a giant pack of floss, a giant tube of toothpaste, and the smallest toothbrush I've ever seen. Your enemy is a singly parasite of some sort.

Your objective is to rid the teeth of holes and remove the food stuck in-between them. You use the floss to get the stuff stuck between the teeth, and the brush to very slowly and agonizingly remove every tiny little hole. Win, and you move on to the next of nine levels, where the only difference is that there are MORE holes and MORE food stuck in the teeth. Yay...

Now, if you somehow manage to stay sane long enough to make a stupid mistake and get hit by the parasite, you get the most annoying death animation ever. A balloon-like object very slowly comes down and picks your stick figure up. It slowly goes back above the screen, and then another stick figure slowly comes from the bottom of the screen. On top of all that, you get the two most annoying pieces of music ever written.

There is only one "upside" to this entire game; you can choose which level to start on. Alas, this only helps you if you have a LOT of patience and can make it through that last level without going insane from the sheer stupidity of it all.

Final Recommendation:

Don't buy this. Ever. I don't care if it costs half a Canadian penny, don't waste your money on this.


Reviewer's Score: 2/10 | Originally Posted: 04/12/06


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