"About as much fun as being in a Dragon's Lair"

Dragon's Lair makes me angry, like the Olsen Twins made me angry. It's so bad that it was eliminated from the game Action 53, thus making it Action 52, a game popularly viewed as the worst game of all time. The game is basically a video in which you strategically have to hit Up, Down, Left, right or the sword button at particular times to continue playing in the video. In fact, you can't decide at all where your character goes in the environment, you have to hit the correct button when signaled to or die. I felt uncomfortable playing this game, uncomfortable like when you got to pass by the handicapped people at Wal-Mart and decline their offer for a shopping cart.

The Story: 1/10 The story was really bad, so I decided to make up my own instead:

Dirk Digler, a millionaire porn star goes back in time to the feudal ages with his newly bought time travel machine. Once he arrives, he finds out that his great-great-great-grand-mother Daphne was kidnapped and decides to rescue her because if she dies, he may never exist. He grabs a sword and a bottle of Michael Jordan's cologne to fend off enemies and steps beings a strenuous battle.

Controls: 1/10 The controls are Up, Down, Left, Right and the Sword button. That's it. Super Mario Brothers for the Nintendo had more button options than this game. The worst part is sometimes the timing at which you have to hit a button is a micro second, making you want to get cover yourself in sugar and then run straight into a beehive.

Fun Factor: 2/10 I'll cut right to the chase and say that the game is about as much fun as wearing an old person's dirty diaper.

Graphics: 4/10 The graphics are somewhat realistic, like Japanese Hentai. The graphics are also appallingly unpleasant, like Japanese Hentai. The only difference is, the 30 year old virgins that live in their mom's basement don't like Dragon's Lair, but they can't get enough of Hentai.

Sound: 5/10 Fortunately, I really don't remember what the sound was like, so I decided to just give it a five. Sadly, this aspect of the game got the highest rating.

Final Thought: The game should have a sugeon general's warning stating that stinks. I only fear for the people who got the game for the Sega CD, that's definitely a double whamy.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 09/05/02, Updated 09/05/02