"Ya know I'm bad. I'm bad. Really, really bad. C'mon. HOO! "Well, I'll say, guy! Retch!""

The adventure of the Bad Dudes to save President Ronnie from the clutches of the Ninjas... this is one of those "Oh, god, why?" scenarios. I thought I was a bad enough dude to save Ronnie. I thought I could stomach this kind of torture. Hoo boy, I was wrong on that one.

Of course, the first step to saving Ronald Reagan would probably be walking down the street looking for him. That's what you get to do. You can kick, punch, do a super punch, jump kick, and the usual Final Fight ripped attacks. The problem is that every single enemy in the game, aside from the bosses, goes down in one shot. So it doesn't matter what move you use so long as you smack the button madly. That said, the controls are stiff as a brick. Personally, I don't like running. It wears me out. however, these guys are just lazy. They can't even power walk. The enemies use such fearsome attacks as touching you, hitting you, and setting themselves on fire and running into you, a move true to the stealthy, silent, efficient way of the ninja. Also true to the ninja modus operandi is the fact that all the ninjas attack head-on in large armies of ten to twenty. And you had best get used to those ninjas. They are almost entirely all you'll be running into. There are the abundant and weak blue ninjas, the less abundant and still weak grey ninjas, the rare and weak female ninjas, and the almost frequent and moderately powerful armed ninjas. There are also attack dogs. They are easy to kill as well. Then there are the bosses. You'll have loads of fun memorizing the attack pattern of " boss waits for attack, boss is jumpkicked, boss comes back for still more. Not to mention the fearsome "kick, walk back to avoid attack, kick, repeat" battle atop the mighty Dragon Ninja helcopter at the end of the game. Look out. If you fall, there are two, yes two, attack dogs waiting. That's the problem of the game. Difficulty is nonexistent. The game's idea of turning up the difficulty is upping the numbers of the same enemies you saw in the first level. It gets old very fast, and it's a greatly coincidental thing that the game is only half an hour long or so. However, the bad English in the ending is notable and probably the one true high point. And I quote: "Thanks dudes. For saving me. Let's go get a burger! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Then there's the graphics and sound. Graphics consist of a whopping two frames per character, though admittedly, they are as nice as the average SNES game. The music.... was not a priority. Numerous levels play the same uninteresting white noise in the background. Nothing that great. The voices are where the audio portion shines. "Got it!" and "I'm bad!!" will have you coming back for more. Or not. Probably not.

This is a game basically designed to get a two bucks an hour or so while some second graders beat it. And even they would walk away pointing, laughing and demanding a refund.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 11/01/99, Updated 11/01/99