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Reviews

Genesis

Action 52Go to WarioWare. Go directly to WarioWare, do not pass Action 52, do not collect 52 crummy games.12/20/06
Altered BeastAwkward Beast05/09/04
Awesome PossumUh...no02/06/04
Dinosaurs for HireActually, THIS is the amazing plotless game.09/12/04
Double Dragon V: The Shadow FallsSee if you can keep up: this is a game based on a show based on a game02/08/04
Earthworm Jim 2Eat dirt, icky maggoty type thing!03/02/04
Fantastic DizzySaving would've saved it04/12/04
Gunstar HeroesZap! Zap! BOOM!! Die, robot pig dogs! Ahahahaha!11/29/04
Mickey Mania: The Timeless Adventures of Mickey MouseMickey Mediocrity02/02/04
Mighty Morphin Power RangersMighty Morphin' Mediocrity09/29/04
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The MovieIt's the game with no middle!02/27/04
MTV's Beavis and Butt-headCheck out my hand03/15/04
Mutant League HockeyThe only sports game I ever enjoyed02/04/04
Rocket Knight AdventuresYeah it was just there to cash in on the Sonic crowd, but not bad02/12/04
Scooby-Doo MysteryScooby Scooby Doo, lookin' for you, shouldn't be a game about ya!03/04/04
Shining Force IIA sequel that's actually better01/23/04
Shining in the DarknessNow with 98% more dungeon crawl!03/08/04
Spider-ManI thought they'd never get it right03/08/04
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament FightersAnother 2-D fighting game. Yay.08/05/04
The Adventures of Mighty MaxLacking the mightiness02/07/04
The Incredible Crash DummiesThe Inedible Dash Crummies03/06/04
The Pirates of Dark WaterWhy is it so hard to do this right?02/13/04
ToeJam & EarlBoogie boogie boogie!01/22/04
ToeJam & Earl in Panic on FunkotronCrank it, Earl02/06/04
X-MenX-Mediocre05/26/04

NES

Action 52Today on "Why Videogame Companies Go Bankrupt," Active Enterprises!01/03/05
AmagonGuys, you didn't know about the game's gimmick, obviously05/15/04
AstyanaxInteresting story, standard gameplay03/09/04
AthenaA game so bad you wonder how there was no divine retribution04/21/04
Back to the Future II & IIISuddenly, letting Biff rule the world doesn't seem so bad07/19/04
Bad Street BrawlerDon't trouble trouble by playing this game02/11/04
BattletoadsMore battling, less toading01/12/04
Bible AdventuresAin't the worst, but won't turn anyone on to the church02/09/04
Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game AdventureMost heinous02/03/04
Cheetahmen IIActive Imaginations, maybe01/07/05
Choujin Sentai JetmanThe Earth Was Saved. Thank You Jetman!01/08/04
Defenders of Dynatron CityTHere's nothing worth defending in Dynatron City05/09/05
Deja VuWhy do I feel like I've played this game before?06/30/04
Dragon PowerEternal Dragon, I wish for a better game!02/24/04
Flying WarriorsImport Sentai Flying Warriors01/22/04
Frankenstein: The Monster ReturnsIt wants to be Castlevania, but it's not Castlevania05/30/04
Fushigi no Umi Nadia: The Secret of Blue WaterEasily the strangest use of a license I've ever played11/29/04
GhostbustersWho ya gonna call? Not these guys!02/03/04
Ghoul SchoolSooner or later, somebody was going to name a game that01/09/04
Godzilla 2: War of the MonstersFeel the wrath of my awesome...SLOT MACHINE!! Bwahahahaha!!!02/04/04
Godzilla: Monster of Monsters!King of the Mediocre Side-Scrollers02/05/04
Kid IcarusOh no! It's the killer nose glasses!05/27/04
Legacy of the WizardI used to like this game, but once I seriously tried to play it...06/02/04
Little Nemo: The Dream MasterI've had dreams like this03/28/04
Little Ninja BrothersLet's adventure Chinaland!01/25/04
Low G Man: The Low Gravity ManOne man CAN stop a robot uprising!08/23/04
M.U.S.C.L.E.: Tag Team MatchMUSCLE, something this game could stand a lot more of01/22/04
MagicianMost generic title ever.01/16/07
Maniac MansionDon't be a tuna head, play this game05/15/04
Mega ManThis is what classic game is all about03/07/04
Mega Man 5Beating a dead horse01/28/04
Mega Man 6Goodbye, Mega Man. Can't say this was one to remember you by03/08/04
NightshadeThe most generic superhero game in the world!08/07/04
PaperboyWith a neighborhood like this, maybe a paperboy delivering is newsworth06/26/04
Princess Tomato in the Salad KingdomCalifornia Raisins: The Dark Age01/22/04
Raid 2020It's like NARC except it totally sucks12/21/04
River City RansomThey don't make 'em like this anymore01/23/04
Robin Hood: Prince of ThievesWhy is there so much brown???!03/09/04
Rockin' KatsRockin' indeed06/21/04
Saint Seiya: Ougon DensetsuSo, um, exactly where did they forget to make this fun?01/13/04
Saint Seiya: Ougon Densetsu Kanketsu HenPegasus Meteor Suck!01/13/04
Spiritual WarfareThe Legend of Jesus02/18/05
Star VoyagerWhat do you do???!02/22/07
StarTropicsWelcome to the Ugly Islands04/15/04
SupermanMaking this game playable is a job for Superman!04/29/04
Sword MasterUm, en garde and stuff06/24/04
Taboo: The Sixth SenseIt's not a game, it's a time machine02/09/04
The Goonies IIIt's fun to play The Goonies 2! And hit old ladies!04/18/05
The Legend of ZeldaWhy the Legend of "Zelda"?02/07/04
The Simpsons: Bart vs. the Space MutantsI'm toastified, man06/28/04
ThunderbirdsAnother mindless shooter, another weird licensed title01/18/05
Totally RadHelp, Jake! They're like stealing me or something!03/03/04
Ultima: Quest of the AvatarPatience is a virtue, too09/08/04
UninvitedWho's not invited? Me or them?06/07/04
Urusei Yatsura: Lum no Wedding BellThis is based on Lum?01/22/04
Wall Street KidKid, get off Wall Street01/23/04
WidgetOn my planet, Widget means "mighty protector"!06/07/04
Wurm: Journey to the Center of the EarthAnd I thought NES games couldn't have plots03/03/04

PC

Ace LightningAce Lightning and the Carnival of Run of the Mill Gameplay08/24/04
Atlantis EvolutionHalt, deviant! Halt, deviant! Halt, deviant! Halt, deviant! Halt, deviant...02/09/05
Callahan's Crosstime SaloonTo...entertaining adventure games02/14/04
Dare to Dream Volume 1: In a Darkened RoomNot exactly a dream, but a fun game02/06/04
Dare to Dream Volume 2: In Search of the BeastDream, dream, dreeeeeeeaamm...02/07/04
Dare to Dream Volume 3: Christian's LairFrail and timid, turn back now02/07/04
Dragon's Lair 3D: Return to the LairI always knew Dirk was clumsy, but this...05/28/04
Dream ChroniclesI can't think of anything to say. That's how boring this game is.12/10/07
Evil GeniusFun the first time05/20/05
Fatal RelationsMix two parts meaningless sex, three parts aimless story, two parts equal cheesy music and dialogue. Serves nine.11/29/03
Freedom ForceWaddaya know? A superhero game that's actually good02/04/04
Full ThrottleGreat game but feels way too short04/05/04
GloriaEndings! Endings!! ENDINGS!!!01/06/04
Goblins Quest 3Beeba baloo? Bada baloo?04/05/04
Home AloneAaaaagh!04/30/04
Jewel Knights - CrusadersZerocool. That should've warned me off.03/23/07
KeepsakeKeep Awake: A Forgettable Adventure08/28/06
King's Quest II: Romancing The ThroneThe logic train's been held up06/03/04
King's Quest III: To Heir Is HumanGraham's children are learning and growing, just like the designers of their games06/15/04
King's Quest IV: The Perils of RosellaA half-step in the right direction02/15/05
King's Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go YonderEnough with the adaptations of trite sayings06/03/04
King's Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone TomorrowA game worth all the build up.03/23/07
King's Quest VII: The Princeless BrideDethroned02/13/07
Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's RevengeA so-so sequel to a good game02/10/04
Nocturnal Illusion Not a bad little hentai game01/15/04
Private NurseProbably the most depressing H-game I've ever played, and I loved it.11/14/05
Quest For Glory I: So You Want To Be A Hero (VGA Version)A remake actually worth picking up09/01/04
Quest For Glory II: Trial By Fire...And wind, and earth, and water...03/23/07
Quest For Glory IV: Shadows of DarknessWould be better if not for the ocean of glitches03/31/04
Quest For Glory V: Dragon FireNot a bad ending, but could have put more effort into it12/19/03
Runaway CitySupremely average, and throws a nasty curve at the end01/21/04
Seasons of the SakuraNot perfect, but a great example of its kind11/29/03
Space Quest 6: Roger Wilco in The Spinal FrontierWe'll have to go to...ludicrous gameplay!02/12/07
Space Quest II: Chapter II - Vohaul's RevengeSpace Quest Stumbles05/11/04
Super Solvers: Midnight Rescue!Buffo, Rollo, Turbo, I'm doomed!08/04/04
Superhero League of HobokenA spoof that goes down right01/25/07
The Black CauldronAh, memories02/02/04
The Curse of Monkey IslandA good sequel to a so-so game02/10/04
The Labyrinth of Time (1994)Hey, this winged guy wasn't sitting next to me a minute ago...06/21/04
The Legend of Kyrandia: Book OneNever put salt in your eyes.07/08/04
The Maid's StoryRepetition helps kids learn02/22/04
The Secret of Monkey IslandGood start to a good series02/09/04
Tokimeki Check-in!Not a bad game at all12/17/03
Torin's PassageI thought I had silenced them all...01/20/04
True Love '95Divine artifacts for sale in second hand stores? Kidnappers with BB guns? It must be True Love '95!05/25/04
X-ChangeX-change this for something playable03/29/04
Zanzarah: The Hidden PortalFor anyone who dreamt of catching fairies12/09/03