"Epitone of Awesomeness"

While looking around in my uncle's attic, I found one of the most startling things in my life! El Sabroso's Gold! Then I "found" (and when I say found, I mean "downloaded". Wink.) Troll's Tale. It's supposedly a game of some sort, but such treachery is punishable by law.

Here's the storyline: You are one of the King Mark's soldiers, and the he was taken away by the trolls, along with his cheap-arse treasures. You have to find the 10-something treasures, and save the king. So you search around everywhere, and have to find things, and walk around, and do stuff.... em.... look at stuff... A search and rescue game. Simple enough? NO. As a rule, you can't pick up treasures when the troll is on the screen, but then you realize that you can just go off the screen and back on, then you start crying with happiness.

Graphics:10!
If you want to push your MS DOS/Commode 88 MILES PER HOUR to the limit, you're gonna need this game. You'll need a 15 mghz processor, some RAM off the internet, a few bytes on your HDD, and maybe a sound and video card or two. So far, I doubt any of this stuff exists.

Serious, there are like, 4 colors. But look at the game “Color Bar Generator”! It has colors, and it has some of the best gameplay for the Atari 2600. They're actually pretty well drawn for a Commodore game.

Sound: N/A
The game says it has music and sounds, but I can't hear them. I tried updating the sound driver, turning on the speakers (silly me), and even holding my breath and pounding my fist and threatening to run away. Nothing. I guess the "floppy" is broken, or maybe I'm an idiot. Well, it made some horrendous sounding beeps on my computer, so I'm assuming it emulated through my computer speaker.

Controls: Numbers are for notmes
Space bar and enter. Aside from "T", to see how many treasures you've collected, and "S", to turn on the sound (which I tried earlier) that's it. Pretty simple... which is very arousing!

Difficulty: I like me
Sometimes, you get lost in the game, and don't know what to do. I just start pressing space and enter, and them Mr. Peabody gives me a lesson on the Native Americans. Then I get mad and drink some Ovaltine, which I think should be called Roundtine. Mmmmmmmm... Bilk... Keep in mind, this game was meant for kids. And if you aren't a kid, you ain't goin' grow up to be nobody. Just stab the screen in frustration. You can cool your nerves down with a snack and take a break for a half hour. Then go and watch some "entertainment" in you "picture box".

Another serious moment in effort to actually get this review accepted: It's really easy. There's no way to lose; you can only be winner. You can nevar be losar. If you wonder around long enough, you're going to find the treasure. Hang in there.

Overall: 11 (actually 10)
It was one of the first retro games that I've actually had fun playing- Wait.... Earthbound; never mind. The graphics were horrible, the controls simple, and no sound: true art of a Commodore 64 game! They should make a remake with worse graphics and turn down the difficulty a bit!

SERIOUSLY: It's a fun game for nostalgia, but otherwise, it's just a game for boredom. You really can't hate this game.

Rent or buy?
This is still in stores? Go and "find" this. Go on! Get out!

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 10/20/05