Grand Theft Auto IV

"This game is in serious need of a giant patch."

Rockstar finally released the PC version of GTA IV six months after the release of the console versions. What took them so long? Putting in all of these security measures, of course! Oh, what's this? The game was pirated a day after release!? Well, that was a waste of time.

This game is... unimpressive at most. The graphics are extremely outdated, and the shadows are an eyesore. The only thing that saves this game from me saying that the graphics are just plain crappy is the wa-What the crap?! The water isn't there! It's... gone! When the game does work, it's water looks pretty good. It's got some nice water ripples going on. But I must warn you to not look at the game too closely, as there's no anti-aliasing. That's right! Because of the obviously future-proof DX9, there's no anti-aliasing.

The physics are what keep me playing the game. This game uses the Euphoria engine to handle body physics when people are alive. When they're dead, they go into normal ragdoll physics mode. It's pretty neat, but it could be better. The bodies will freeze literally two seconds after staying on the ground. So if they're sliding across the ground after being thrown about by an explosion, they'll just freeze. If you pin someone to the wall with your car, then back up, they'll freeze in that position. There's also no ragdoll/ragdoll interaction when not in Euphoria mode. There is, however ragdoll/physics object interaction when in both modes.

The controls in this game feel good for the most part. They're a bit sluggish, though. When playing minigames like Pool and Bowling, the mouse sensitivity isn't as high as it should be, so I find myself jerking the mouse back and forth, trying to get Niko to react. I'm somewhat disappointed that there's no option to just run instead of sprinting, and you can't control how fast you drive. Instead of using the middle mouse scroller to control how fast you go on foot or in a vehicle, it's to change radio stations in vehicles and change weapons on foot. That's what number keys are for! Anyways...

The music selection is pretty good. There will be at least one song that you will enjoy in this game. If you want to listen to your own music in this game, you can do that with the Independence FM station! Yay! Too bad you can't use the Independence FM music in the videos you create. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Well, you can press F2 at any time to save a clip up to 40 seconds, then edit multiple clips you record and make it a movie. There are a lot of options, with at lot of filters to use. It's pretty neat, but make sure you don't get the camera too far from Niko, since the game... won't let you.

The AI in this game is pretty good... when they're just walking around aimlessly. You'll see construction workers, business people, gang members, bikers, nerds, hookers, and many other people doing their thing. When they're in there cars, though, expect no mercy. They tend to stop a little bit too late when you accidentally walk in-front of their car. And taxi drivers are just merciless. They won't even think anything of running you over when you're passing by. The cars will constantly smash into each other, and sometimes random pedestrians, but mainly you. You are their target. They hate you. They want blood to lick off of their car, unless they accidentally go into a car wash and wash it off. It sure is impressive to watch as no one cares to wash their car, though. They'll stop by gas pumps, but I don't see why. They're useless, as cars don't use gas in this game. Whatever, though. No big deal.

There aren't many things in this game that you'll want to do twice. The comedians aren't funny, the ATMs are just plain useless, the strip clubs aren't impressive because of the low polygon count in the strippers, the cabaret clubs are extremely boring, the TV is both boring and extremely useless, those random cell phone numbers you find on signs and internet sites don't work, the internet is useless unless you like R*'s new take on humor, which is "I can say naughty words and make sex references everywhere! Yay!", and the car wash is completely useless, unless you like to stay in a constant battle with this game's vehicle dirt system. It won't matter, though, since your car will just disappear after you go two blocks away from it. And don't bother trying to get rid of bodies. R* designed a genius system, in which they disappear once you walk a few steps away from them.


To conclude, I suggest that you ignore this game. At most, just rent it. The game is filled with game breaking bugs and memory leaks, and takes a beastly system to run at high settings for unknown reasons.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 01/26/09

Game Release: Grand Theft Auto IV (US, 12/02/08)