""Wormhole opened"... hmm...sounds like my aunt at our last Thanksgiving."

3D Pinball: Space Cadet is a nice little free game. However, emphasis should probably be put on the word *little*. You only play one pinball board on this game, which basically kills the replay value more than a Nash/Hogan match on WCW Monday Nitro.

The graphics are nice. They are in 3D, so at least we can't get them for false advertising. At some points in the board, the colors are really dark, not allowing you to properly see your ball that well. Are you about to lose a ball, or are you heading towards the big bonus? Are you sure?

This game isn't a high-scoring game, in which you can easily rack up multi-millions in just one sitting, without any extra balls or jackpots. My highest score to date is about 4.5 million points. If you can get a run going where you aren't losing any balls anytime soon, you can rack up points like no other. By getting certain missions to complete, you can pick up some serious points. Oh, and you can be guaranteed, that at any given time, you'll be able to get a series of 10+ Reflex Shot Awards in a row by simply constantly flipping the left flipper after your ''ship'' is re-fueled.

And that's another thing. I'm not sure what this fuel thing is. I've never RAN out of fuel. I've been low on fuel, but never ran out of it. I personally don't want to know what happens when I run out of fuel, because if it just tilts the board, I could very well do that on my own, no need for fuel to do it for me.

Up to 4 players can play this game (not online, of course), which should provide for some fun with your friends if they stop by and want to kill some time (and you don't happen to have a PS2 on hand, that is).

Controls are simple enough. And if they aren't simple enough, in your own humble opinion (LOL!!!! W00t w00t!), you can customize them. As long as you can remember them. Don't make the same mistake I did and mistake the ''launch ball'' command with the ''tilt table up'' command. Bad things happen. Bad things.

Replay Value isn't too good. Though the missions will keep you busy for a while, the only thing that might even have a sliver of a chance of keeping you in the game's interests is maybe the multiplayer. Of course, if you don't have any friends, and you live in a cave, and your name starts with Osama and ends with Laden...what the hell are you doing playing a mediocre pinball game?

Sounds are your typical pinball game. Though the flippers sound like a tribal meeting in the 1534753459876345th version of Survivor, and the accepting of a mission sounds more like the finalizing of your daily upload to BeardedLadies.com via WS_FTP, the sounds aren't overly horrible.

Challenge is an interesting category. On one hand, the game is pretty simple. On the other hand, you need to finish tedious missions that require you to do 3 re-entries while doing 10 pushups with one hand while the sumo wrestling champion sits on your back. Ok, so I exaggerated a little bit, but you get the idea. The game isn't exactly impossible, but it can get a little frustrating at time, especially as you watch that ball take a straight line right down the gullet of the pinball machine.

Now, let us recap:

Graphics -- 6/10 (They're in 3D, as advertised, though the dark spots on the board can make you a little uneasy about yourself.)
Controls -- 10/10 (You should have no trouble getting the hang of these controls.)
Replay Value -- 2/10 (Once you are done with the missions, multiplayer is the only savior for this game.)
Sounds -- 4/10 (Basic pinball sounds, including a few weird ones. Can get quite annoying at times, though.)
Challenge -- 3/10 (The missions are about the only thing hard with this game. Period.)

Final Score:
25 out of 50 is exactly 50 percent, so I'll give this game a 5.

If you want to play this game (nice time killer, I will admit), you can find it with most computers that carry the Windows OS. My machine is a ME machine, and it came with the other games in the package (such as Solitaire, Minesweeper, etc.)

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 02/10/02, Updated 02/10/02