"Meet Larry, Larry's sideburns, a killer robot, and other zany characters!"

Poor Larry Vales. Stuck in the dead-end job of a traffic controller, Larry is teased and made fun of all the time by his fellow peers. Whether they are laughing at his job, his sideburns, or just his pathetic life in general, it seems that everyone is always making wisecracks about him. It comes to no surprise then that Larry gets the call when the commissioner of the police staff needs someone to risk life and limb to try and stop an insane robot from killing innocent civilians. Why bother sacrificing one of your best officers when you can get rid of a 90 pound traffic controller weakling, right? Instead of forcing Larry to go onto this mission on his lonesome, the policemen give Larry a sidekick - a useless fool by the name of ''Charlie Striker''. Charlie isn't much of a sidekick; in fact, he does absolutely nothing to help Larry throughout the entire game. Even Larry's sideburns are more useful than ol' Charlie! Still, rubbish partner or not, Larry does something brave for once and accepts the mission.

That's where you come in. You play the role of Larry Vales in a freeware PC game called ''Larry Vales: Traffic Division'' (LVTD). Using the point-and-click adventure style of gameplay, LVTD draws a lot of similarities between other games of the genre, such as the Monkey Island series. If you've ever played a Monkey Island game or anything similar, then you will feel right at ease while playing Larry Vales' first game. If you haven't, LVTD is a good crash course in learning how to play point-and-click adventure games.

While playing Traffic Division, you will notice an icon bar at the top of the screen. There are icons for walking, looking, touching, and speaking, as well as an option for using something in Larry's pocket. When you want to perform one of these functions, all you have to do is click on the function's icon and then click on an object in the game. The icon-based system is actually done very well - the interface is as easy to use as it is to crack jokes about poor Larry!

Unlike several other point-and-click games, Traffic Division isn't incredibly difficult. Although a few of the puzzles can be bothersome, the overall adventure isn't too hard. And since the game takes place in a pretty small area, most of the puzzles can be solved quite easily by using the trial and error method. The game isn't a walk in the park so to speak, but it isn't the most challenging either.

Every point-and-click adventure game needs good dialogue. Whether the game is trying to be serious or funny, it must have good dialogue. Thankfully, LVTD's dialogue is excellent. I guarantee that you will get more than a few good laughs while playing this game. You must realize that Traffic Division doesn't have the most tasteful of humor - most of it is pretty ''low brow''. With that being said, here are some of my favorite quotes from the game:

''Sorry partner, this ain't Larry Vales: Female Body Inspector.'' - the game's narrator when you try to touch a female receptionist.

''Our maids use only the finest gormet candy pieces when they make your bed. So show some respect and eat the darn thing rather than wake up with it adhesed to the side of your head.'' - notice on the hotel's bulletin board

''Hurry, come quick! Regis is hosting something!'' - Larry, trying to get Charlie to exit the shower

''I think Regis is starting to get to me. Last night my wife cried out for more, more more...And I asked her if that was her final answer.'' - Charlie's reply.

The game is full of quotes like those, some better, some worse. Just don't come in expecting a classy and professional game. LVTD is the exact opposite.

Although Traffic Division was released in 2000, it looks like an early 1990's game. Character designs are crude, and backgrounds are void with detail during normal scenes. However, in the game's closeup scenes, where you get a good look at Larry and his surroundings, the visuals are greatly improved. In the closeup shots, more detail is put into the characters and backgrounds. Unfortunately, these closeups don't appear too often throughout the game, leaving the overall graphics to be average at best.

The game's music consists of MIDI's of classic songs from the past. Led Zeppelin's ''Kashmir'' and The Beatles' ''Baby, You're A Rich Man'' are just two of the MIDI tracks that appear in the game. The music changes when you travel to different parts of the game, so you're never forced to listen to the same track over and over again unless you re-enter that particular location. There aren't many sound effects in the game, other than Larry's remark of ''Points! Cha-ching!'' when you successfully complete a part of a puzzle. Even with the lack of many sound effects, the sound is still pretty good, largely in part due to the classic MIDI files.

All in all, Larry Vales: Traffic Division is an enjoyable game. The game's only major problem is its length - it can be finished in one sitting. But even with its stunted game experience, LVTD is more than worth a download thanks to its hilarious dialogue. There's no doubt that you will have a lot of fun playing in Larry's (and his sideburns') first game.

7

Best Feature - Fantastic humor and dialogue. Oh yeah, it's free, too.
Worst Feature - The game's over too fast.

Reviewer's Score: 7/10, Originally Posted: 08/06/02, Updated 08/06/02