Sim Theme Park

"Argh!!! It froze AGAIN!!! *bangs head against wall*"

'Sim Theme Park' is a disgrace to the 'Sim' name. It makes Maxis seem like the culprit, when it was really Bullfrog's doing. I bought this game, thinking that I was going to have a blast with this game. Instead, I cursed at the computer in anger after it froze for the fifth time with this stupid piece of junk running. I'll prove to you that 'Sim Theme Park'=Anger and Insanity

Story: n/a

There is no story, genius, unless you call the 'collect-the-tickets-to-unlock-more-theme-parks' theme a story.

Graphics: 4/10

Never judge a book by its cover. The game seemed so beautiful on the box, but it becomes nothing but ugly polygons once the game boots up. The characters are horribly animated, and tend to get on your nerves most of the time. (Especially that annoying ant creature. How a loathe him...) The rides themselves try to be stunning, but end up as horrible looking boxes with a few colors splashed on. The framerate is slower than frozen molasses, making it hard when it comes to plotting land.

Gameplay: 1/10

If you want good clean fun, then you bought the wrong game. First of all, the kids are complete idiots. They puke on the ground when the bathroom's a few pixels away, they always try to walk off the path, and they demand to know where the gift shop is when it's standing right in front of them! Second of all, the golden tickets are a pain to get. Most of them involve kart racing, and kart racing isn't until further into the game! Also, the golden tickets are spent on stupid little gifts that aren't even worth my time. (Three tickets for a merry-go-round? You cheapskate ant...)

Finally, the ant's only point of existance is to annoy you to the point of destroying the computer in frustration. He pops up every five seconds and always demands something out of you. Even his voice is annoying.

This game deserves to be buried in a sewage dump after all the pain it caused me and my computer.

Control: 0/10

The snail-speed framerate makes the controls useless. I wish my mouse didn't have to suffer the abuse...

Sound: 3/10

All the sounds are repetitive, the music is annoying and uninspired, and the ant's voice gets on your nerves. Turn you volume down when you play this game.

Replayability

Are you joking? You won't touch this game with a twenty foot pole after you suffer its bad framerate.

Buy or Rent?

Don't even touch this game, let alone spend $19.99 on it. I'm warning you...

In the end, this game will cause extreme misery to anyone who touches it. I hope my words stop you from buying this game.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 08/15/02, Updated 08/15/02