Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

"CJayC just refused to let us use negative pi in our rank..."

Wow. This is the only game I have seen on gamespot with a ranking of one, and on gamefaqs, with a grand slam of MORE "one" rankings. In other words, think of any game out there, and this game is worse. I mean ANY game. Even those power ranger ones from like, foxkids.com or whatever are more entertaining. Heck, I HATE games like Dungeons and Dragons, or Starcraft, but I get more value from them then this. I'm serious, think of ANYTHING, and it will be better.

I simply can't describe in numbers how unbelievably bad this game is. So I won't. Graphically speaking, this game still sucks. The trucks look like a few twigs placed on an office cubicle, and given wheels. The textures are incredibly blured. It's like looking through that one type of office glass. The courses just look ugly. And the backdrop for when you get off the map (more on that later) is just plain white.

The controlls are eays. You use the arrow keys. You ONLY use the arrow keys. So, no accessories. At all. Just for directions to move in. Soundwise you get the same type of thing. You get a single song playing the entire time. Have some tylenol handy, because it's time to take it to the 70's with some techno baby!

Gameplay wise is really where I get to tear this thing apart. First, let's do a play by play of each race. You start off with a count, and then it says go. So, naturally, you do. Chances are, you will be shocked at what you see. Your truck easily accelerates. Wow. That's not realistic. In fact, it is probably going TOO fast by now to turn. Let's try anyway. Hey look at that, you can turn as though it were a friggen bycicle. Nuts. That's okay though, we should just enjoy what they give us and keep going.

At this point you might come across a town. Stay clear of those buildings. Oh noes! You are about to crash. Quick, turn away! Oh, nevermind, you just went through that building. My bad, that's another option too. So now we are exiting town, hoping maybe it was all just a glitch. Logical assumption, right? Well, see for yourself.

As you are leaving, you will go across a bridge. Tehehe, actually, I lied. You won't. You will go through the bridge. That's fine too though, because maybe it was just the weight limit. Right? There, a nice sense of realism. So you get back on track, and your mom walks in the room, to make sure you are enjoying your new game. As you are explaining it to her, you lose eye contact with the game for a bit.

As soon as your eyes drift back on when your mom leaves, you will realise you are going up a huge hill. Oh noes! Hopefully, the first thing you notice is that your truck isn't slowing down. It's climbing the thing at a constant velocity. That's alright though, too, because I guess the traction on the futuristic wheels allows this.

So naturally, you race back onto the course, worried that your opponent MUST be catching up, if he hasn't already finished. Oh wait, I forgot that too. Your opponent refuses to move. He sits there, the entire race, every race, doing nothing. You can't lose. But hey, that's promoting good sportsmanship anyway, and maybe his car is just broken. All the more realism.

But lets assume you DIDN'T know all of that, and you finished your race. Now what? You are rewarded with a "gold trophy," and a message that can possibly compete with the "All your base are belongs to us" fad. The game displays, in nice, LARGE print, the following:

YOU'RE WINNER!!

Fantastic.

Well, by now it's time to try another map. You load it, and it starts again. It gives you the message to go, and you hit the arrow key, and all of a sudden...

YOU'RE WINNER!!

What the hell?

That's fine, let's try it again. You load the same map again (there are five of these, by the way), and it says go. You get ready to acc-

YOU'RE WINNER!!

Yes, it IS apparent that the game just lets you win from the start, at some points, most likely because it wants to save your computer the processing power, by giving it the only logical outcome to do at a prior time. For all of those who have no clue what that means, well, basically it feels bad for you. For those of you wondering, every level is either like that, or the other situation described. I forgot the detail about how you can just drive off the map, but there, now you know.

Summary:

=>Pros:
I guess it's funny?

=>Cons:
Glitchy
Read Above
Read Above
Read Above

Overall

Rent this game. I'm serious. Just for some sheer amusement. By it if you are a hardcore gamer who needs a doorstop for your already game decorated room. Trust me, the chicks love it.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 07/27/04