Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

"Haha, people actually call this a game. How sad."

Overview:
Big Rigs: Over the road racing is one of those rare games that comes along once every five to ten years. It joins the ranks of Superman 64 and E.T. on the Atari as one of the worst games of all time. A special amount of crap went into making this game, and not everyone can try (if they did….they didn't) to make a game and fail this horribly, no no, it takes skill, or lack of it. Big Rigs is an example of how much we take for granted the gaming industry, and how we should cherish every Halo or Mario that comes along. But let's start at the beginning, the essence of this truly rare gem, Big Rigs.

Big Rigs OTRR is a racing game in which you race 18-wheelers to the finish line in order to get away from the Police, who are chasing you because you are smuggling things. At least, that is what the back of the box is telling me. But this is all not true. See, you “race” another 18-wheeler to the goal line. You might be wondering why I quoted race. I did this because you don't actually RACE the opponent, because he never leaves the starting line! Yes, in Big Rigs, you can boost your morality tenfold because YOU DON'T LOSE. Let me repeat that for those who dazed off for a second. YOU DON'T LOSE. When you win a race, the phrase “You're winner!” pops up and that basically sums up the game in one simple yet grammatically-challenged sentence. Oh, but there's more.

In Big Rigs, you can't crash. ‘But wait, don't you crash into buildings' you think to yourself. Nope. You just go right through them. Neat little feature, eh? If only we could do that in real life. Another little dandy feature Big Rigs sports is that you can go from 0 to 1000 MPH in 10 seconds…..in reverse! This is a great feature to utilize when you are in purgatory. Yes, in Big Rigs, you get to visit that biblical place. You see, when you drive off of a mountain (you can go straight up vertical mountains with ease in Big Rigs) you land in nothingness. You float in empty white space, suspended for eternity. How suiting. Aha, but there is still more.

In Big Rigs OTRR, there are 5 levels to choose from, however, only 4 are playable. You see, when you click on the 5th level, the game quits and you are directed back to your desktop. Why does this happen? Some speculate that it is because Big Rigs sucks, and they would be right. There are also 5 vehicles to choose from, but they are the same, just different colors, so that happens on a technicality.

Gameplay: 1/10
Um, I don't consider a race a race unless, you know, the other person races me! This isn't a game…it's a wreck. In analogical terms, this is an 18-wheeler tipping over in a canal and simultaneously catching fire while raccoons pee on it. I don't see any gameplay in Big Rigs, and believe me, I've searched.

Sound: 1/10
Once again, there is little if any sound in Big Rigs. There is one track that loops like you would not believe. And oh yeah, the truck honks. Sometimes.

Graphics: 1/10
Well, when the taillights float off of your truck for no reason other than to utterly confuse the hell out of you, you can be pretty sure that this game's graphics are not up to par. It doesn't help the game either when you drive through houses, bridges, and even your “opponent” (in quotes again because of the fact that he poses no opponent-like threat to you).

Replayablity:1/10
Um, you can't really replay a game that you didn't play the first time. That's like tipping a truck over when there is no truck (hey, another in-game analogy!).

Rent or Buy?
For comical purposes (i.e. showing your friend the high level of suck in this game) I say buy. For gaming experience, I say DON'T BUY IT! IT'S NOT A GAME, AND YOU WILL NOT HAVE FUN. Big Rigs is not fun, it is not good, it is not even bad. It is worse than bad. It is worse than horrible. Is it the worst? Um, yeah.

Final Thought:
Big Rigs Over the road racing serves two purposes. The first of which is to laugh at it for hours upon hours and call your friend over to show them the high suck content of this game. The other reason is for senior developers to tell junior developers “DON'T DO THIS!” Big Rigs is a bad, bad game. Very bad. So bad, it actually has a group of followers chanting “You're winner!” to unsuspecting pedestrians. God help us all.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 04/06/05