3D Pinball: Space Cadet

"I'll see you on the dark side of the moon..."

Human beings have explored the darkest depths of the ocean and climbed the highest mountain peaks, all in search of knowledge and accomplishment. However, there is one more facet of our world that still remains a mystery: Space, the endless span of the universe, stretching far beyond the limits of our understanding and comprehension. Despite all our scientific advancements, we've only just begun to explore the vast cosmos that surrounds our comparatively tiny planet. And even those people that have managed to get into space aren't your average person. In order to even be considered for exploring space, you have to endure months, even years of physical training and tests. But for those of us that will never get to put on that bulky space suit and go gallivanting amongst the stars, 3D Pinball: Space Cadet lets us dream.

Most new PCs come with Space Cadet built in with the Microsoft Windows files. In fact, you probably already have this game and you don't even know it. It's sitting there as you read this, laying dormant in your in the Games file patiently waiting for someone hapless gamer to come and give it some love. To their credit, Microsoft has finally given gamers another staple video game to add to the rest of the already tried and true lineup that they've been shoveling to us for the past decade. Not that such a thing is bad, of course. Classic games like Solitaire and Minesweeper have been drawing in PC users for years, leaving them addicted to the simplistic yet challenging gameplay and begging for more. There are fervent followers of these games the world over. That kind of quality and popularity is a tough act to follow. Sadly, 3D Pinball: Space Cadet doesn't have the same kind of appeal that its predecessors wielded with ease.

The game begins with a large screen popping up in the middle of the screen, its bright colors and flashy lights giving you a warm welcome. The onscreen pinball machine will hum to life, glad to finally get some use from its neglectful owner. In the lower right hand corner of the screen, a steel ball will materialize, bouncing twice as it hits the low edge of the machine. When you press the space bar, it'll begin to draw back the tiny metal launcher underneath the ball, coiling up with a hidden strength just waiting to be unleashed. When the space bar is released, the ball will go flying, zooming past turnstiles, bumping into walls, smacking bumpers, and zooming quickly to the pit at the bottom of the screen. But before the ball can plunge into the abyss, you'll be able to save it using the Z and Question Mark keys to move the flippers flanking the opening to the hole. The ball will be thrown skyward, hitting even more stuff and earning you some well-deserved bonus points. Thus the struggle between you and gravity will continue until you've gotten too bored or find something else more worthwhile.

You save the pinball from falling, and the pinball earns you more points and high scores. These basic concepts are the fundamentals of pinball games. However, Space Cadets adds its own flavor into the mix in an attempt to make the simple game seem more engaging. The game comes with all sorts science fiction jargon, like black hole and hyperspace bonuses and flag and weapons upgrades. Words will appear onscreen, telling you to hit targets or go on the launch ramp to accept a mission. You'll be able to take re-entry training, target practice, science expeditions and a few other missions that have no significance whatsoever. These titles merely serve as a reminder of what ramps you're supposed shoot at, bumpers to hit, and panels to look for. Should you follow the directions, you'll be handsomely rewarded with bonus points and access to even more missions. The problem is, this game lacks the kind of charisma that its Microsoft game brethren have. You can simply sit back and mindlessly mash the appropriate keys and still get a decent score. With no real challenge or engaging gameplay, this romp through space will get stale fast and leave you looking for a more entertaining alternative.

The game tries to make up for the boredom with its flashy presentation. Following its namesake, Space Cadet depicts a pinball table in top-down three-dimensional glory, lined with festive lights and sound effects. Arrows will periodically blink in and out, pinpointing you to your desired target. Red, yellow and blue lights will flash intermittently, signaling their approval of your mad pinball skills as you rack up a high score. The majority of the surface of the board is covered in a royal blue, blended with reds and purples to take away from an otherwise bland paintjob. Even the rims are decorated with flashing lights, marking your pinball's launching point. Of course, all of this only happens when you land a big score. The board is otherwise dark and dim, occasionally limiting your view of the ball. At least the sound effects are right on cue. Every time you hit a bumper, get sucked into a black hole, or do even the slightest thing, you'll be treated to a wide variety of sound effects, just catchy enough to hold ou attention for a few extra moments.

However, you're going to forget about this game. It'll sit there unnoticed on your computer, buried under all your other files and tossed away like garbage when upgrade to yet another rendition of Windows. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're an avid pinball gamer who would love to have a free game ready and available every time you turn on your PC. However, your enthusiasm won't save you from this mediocre game. Sure it has an eye-appealing presentation and tries to be fresh and inventive, yet it lacks the originality and style of countless other superior pinball games. If anything else, there are a few other excellent games right there in your Games file waiting for their chance to shine. When all is said and done, 3D Pinball: Space Cadet will be passed up in favor of those other games, a victim of its own lack of challenge and addictiveness.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 09/14/05