"I wish I could go back in time and give this to my fourteen year old self..."

When I was fourteen, I would have enjoyed this game. In fact, I probably would have thought it to be the best thing ever invented. Unfortunately, I am in my twenties now, and other than shock value, this game, if you can call it that, doesn't provide much. What it does provide is a not so cheap (goes for over $50 on eBay) way of seeing what people in 1994 thought the internet would do for pornography. The game is marked Adults Only, but I can't see anyone over the age of seventeen actually enjoying it.

If you have a strong moral objection to naked women or this just isn't your type of thing, you probably shouldn't read any further. This is not a game for children or those who do not like pornography.

Game Play
Neurodancer is a game where the main goal is to see women naked. You play the role of a hacker who is late on his rent and doesn't seem to do much but sit at his computer all night and sleep all day. A hacker friend of yours tells you that he has found a way to get free tele-points, which the Neurodancer women need in order for you to have sessions with them. He explains that every building has a switch box that you can probe for points. If you linger too long, you will be caught by the Net Police. While it may not be the greatest way, it actually gives you something else to do other than see women naked. It also works as a reward system. You actually have to do something in order to get the prize.

The more points you gather, the more articles of clothing you can remove from one of three women. Once you get them completely naked, you get to use the TFUI which is the Touch and Feel User Interface. I find the whole system to be flawed and not very exciting. You select a woman and she will explain that she is excited that you have enough points to watch her. The manual explains that every third article will cost you 100 points, but this is totally wrong. It costs 100 for each article of clothing, which isn't too bad. However, the game is glitchy, and randomly you will select an article to remove and loose 600 points. Also, sometimes the clothes will magically re-appear on her body and it costs you more points to remove it again. The last thing anyone wants is for a woman to put her clothes back on.

The whole thing is pretty bad. When you finally get her naked, you don't get to see any of the good parts. When it switches over to the TFUI, her panties are back on her (even if it was the article you JUST removed). I don't really understand what is supposed to be so sexual about a random hand coming into the screen to fondle a random woman's breasts, but maybe I am missing the point entirely. For every article of clothing the woman removes, she will do a sensual dance and remove it slowly, which isn't too bad. It is like a virtual stripper that you don't have to throw dollar bills at.

Collecting points is extremely easy. You get a first person view inside the probe as you trudge through a maze. At almost every corner there is a switch box that you can get points out of. Getting 1,000 from each is not very difficult. Avoiding the net police is easy and you can be back watching girls after 3-4 visits to different boxes. It only takes about two minutes to gather enough points to view all three girls without having to re launch your probe. The probe moves slowly and is kind of clunky so perhaps that is a good thing.

After you are done with a girl and she has all her clothes back on, your hacker friend will come on your screen saying he was watching you and that it was awesome. From here you can go straight to another girl or you can break up the monotony a little bit by viewing several videos that have little to do with nudity. You can check your video messages and see that your land lord wants money or he will make you date his rather ugly sister. These videos are pretty funny for the most part and really help to bring together the feeling that you really are this hacker who actually has a life.

Score 3

Controls
The controls are poor at best. You have a first person view of your computer screen at all times and rather than using the controller to move the probe around, you use the controller to highlight arrow keys on the keyboard and press the A button to execute each move. It seems unpractical, but fits along with everything else in the game. After all, you are a hacker using a computer. Because of load times, there is a delay between every button press and it actually executing the action. Fortunately, there isn't any fast paced action so this isn't a problem.

Quite often when you press a button, either it doesn't respond or it responds too well and goes right past what you wanted to select. You can use the Right shift button to zoom in on the girl that is dancing but it does no good because you can't decide on what part to zoom in on. Looking at her stomach when she is taking her bra off doesn't really do anything for me.

The controls will do what you ask them to, but it takes some patience to master them. There are quite a few buttons on your keyboard with random pictures that don't explain much. Give it some time and you will figure them all out, but expect to accidentally press a quit button somewhere along the line. For some reason, you can quit the game at almost any screen. Frustrating, but not terrible.

Score 5

Graphics
The graphics in the game are actually pretty good, considering what kind of game we have here. All the videos are pretty decent in quality (except when zoomed in on). The intro video is the best looking one of the game, as it is full screen. When probing for points, it isn't that great. You can't see too far ahead of you and it is the same thing over and over and over. Fortunately, the girls are pretty good looking and are not that bad at dancing. The random videos that you can watch are also pretty good looking. Some are green screened but some are actual video footage shot outside. There isn't very much distortion or picture loss. One video has credits at the bottom of it which are hard to read but that is the only kicker.

For an adult based game, you would expect good video quality for the nudity, and you actually get that. The only bad part is that you don't get to see full frontal nudity. Other than that though, not bad.

Score 8

Sounds and Music
You usually can't expect much from full motion video acting but this game was a pleasant surprise. Almost all of the actors were pretty good. The weather guy is intentionally bad. The only bad acting comes from the girls themselves, when they say that you are the best they ever had. You can't expect much from porn stars though. Acting is not their strong point. When they dance you get the typical porno style music which actually isn't too bad. Sound effects for when you press buttons, move your probe and other things are appropriate and fit alright. It lacks music when you are probing for points which is odd, because if I really were hacking something, I would have music on in the background to help me focus. The CD quality music comes through though, and while it could be some what better, is a lot better than other games.

Score 7

Overall, Neurodancer delivers the nudity. It may not be as good as most would like it, but it is there. However, unless you are a fourteen year old straight male, this probably won't appeal much to you. At the end of the game, you will feel like you should have received more. More girls, intricate maze for probing and harder difficulty would have made the game more enjoyable for those of us over twenty. However, if you want some pornography away from your computer and you for some reason cannot buy DVD's this will give you that. In the end, it isn't worth the high price tag though. Great for collectors, bad for everyone else.

Pros:
1. If you are a fourteen year old straight male, this will be the best game you ever own.
2. Voice acting is actually pretty good
3. Video Quality is above average

Cons:
1. If you aren't a straight teenage male, this game is pretty much worthless
2. No full frontal nudity
3. High price will deter many collectors

Final Score 5

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 05/29/07