"I'm a space cowboy..."

Once upon a time, Fox McCloud led a righteous crusade that spanned across an entire solar system. Accompanied by his small band of anthropomorphic aviators, the young hero ventured forth into the cosmos, smiting interstellar invaders and delivering his homeworld from strife and chaos. Nothing could stop the Star Fox team; be it an endless ocean of lava, a blatantly ripped-off copy of an Independence Day mothership, or even an entire asteroid belt, Fox and his cronies flew a straight and pure course for the salvation of the Lylat System. When the deadliest of foes reared its ugly mug, our hero used every scrap of flying combat talent he had to annihilate it. Such was the epic adventure of Star Fox 64, and Nintendo has been trying to outdo it ever since.

Too bad they failed miserably.

After the abomination that was Star Fox Adventures, it became evident that the series needed focus on what made the Nintendo 64 classic so good: quirky characters, a simple plot, and a violent shooting spree through a variety of planets. Thus, Star Fox Assault takes us back into outer space, where yet another legion of evil aliens is trying to take over. Though the game initially features an older foe from the series (complete with a mock-up of Star Fox 64's final boss), the real threat comes from a race of mind-controlling bugs. In order to stop the solar system-wide infestation, Fox must suit up, jump into his trusty Arwing combat plane, and roast everything that gets in his way. As per the traditions set by the older .Star Fox games, our hero will have an entire team to back him up: Falco, the feathered tough guy and flying ace, and Slippy, the toad whose mechanical genius is proportional to his annoying childish behavior. However, Star Fox 64 veterans will be saddened by the lack of Peppy Hare, Fox's long-time advisor and father figure. Since the old rabbit isn't a capable fighter as he used to be, he's pent up in the tea's mothership as a tactical specialist and sent Krystal, the foxy femme fatale from Adventures, in his place.

Now, now. Don't start weeping just yet. Despite the change in the lineup, much of the rest of the game borrows from ideas established in previous titles in the series. Assault hearkens back to the days of Star Fox 64, when you had to pilot Fox's Arwing through a bunch of battlegrounds on a fixed rail system. Though this game adheres to gameplay style that was established well over ten years ago, it goes to great lengths to make it seem fresh and engaging. You'll zoom through an entire armada of enemy ships, dodging countless volleys of laser cannon fire, blasting through weakened midsections and picking off smaller fighter planes that'll try to smother you in sheer numbers. You'll have to swoop through abandoned space stations, taking down the armies of sentry robots out for your blood. All the while, your companions will show off the kind of ineptitude that only the Star Fox team can muster. Though they're all supposed to be hardened combat pilots, they'll frequently get chased by enemies and beg you to save their furry asses. Despite their cheesy lines and color commentary (most of which is recycled from previous games), your team will feel more like a nuisance as opposed to anything remotely useful.

In order to make the adventure seem less of a glorified rehash, the game includes a bunch of land-based missions. For those of you still haunted by ghastly memories of Star fox Adventures, don't worry; these missions are all about shooting stuff as opposed to completing simplistic puzzles and fetch quests. Instead, our hero will be left stranded in a small arena filled with enemy bugs and given a task or two to complete. This will usually involve sniping radio jamming equipment, incinerating spawning hives, or destroying energy shields. Unfortunately, Fox's on-foot escapades are little more than a watered down third-person shooter. He'll be given access to a small cache of firearms, like a chargeable laser pistol, rocket launcher, machine gun, and even a certain tank that Star Fox 64 fans will love. Using these overpowered weapons tend be problematic, though; the slippery controls, poor hit detection, and cruddy aiming mechanics detract from the overall experience. At least the majority of the bugs will only go down in a few hits; since they'll scurry around aimlessly, you'll get to slaughter plenty of the little bastards before they notice you. Sadly, the game uses these pathetic shooter missions far too frequently; even the now defunct Jet Force Gemini did this kind of gameplay better.

Indeed, the numerous problems and lacking quality of the on-foot missions kill off much of Assault's fun. The game tries to make up for it by letting you commandeer an Arwing or tank, cramped level designs and sluggish vehicle controls won't help. After meandering around a free-roaming level for a few minutes, you'll be craving to get back into your spaceship and zooming back into the stars. That doesn't mean that the flying rail missions aren't much better, though; despite their epic feel and variety of enemies, none of the battles seem particularly long or difficult. Unlike in the older games, you'll never find any of the bosses to be challenging, let alone original. The aerial battles tend to come off as short and sweet; there are no longer any branching paths filled with destructible obstacles or intense firefights. Even the Star Wolf team, whose diehard style and ace piloting made them dreaded enemies in previous games, have become far easier to defeat and even ally with you on certain occasions. Not even the poorly crafted multiplayer (which is more or less a ground-based mission in disguise) can save the game from its own mediocrity.

The fact the adventure lasts only a few hours at most doesn't help, either. Since Assault is far too short and lacks any compelling reasons to play through a second time, you'll have to enjoy it while it lasts. Accordingly, the game provides plenty of flashy graphics and details for you to look over. As you blaze through the first levels, two armadas of heavily armed spaceships will slug it out, filling the cosmos with laser beam fire and projectiles. You'll get to see the purple sparks fly when your ship's plating gets damaged, exposing the circuitry underneath. As you drive your tank through Fichina, the howling wind and drifting snow will make smashing your foes just a bit harder. The Katina military base has been remodeled from a squat little hill into a facility with steel walls and automated elevators. Even Corneria, a place that used to be nothing more than a couple of little buildings and arches, has been expanded into a teeming city with towering skyscrapers, and neon scrolling marquees. With these new twists on classic levels combined with a few remixed tunes from the older games, Star Fox 64 fans will have all the nostalgia they can handle.

That doesn't mean that Star Fox Assault is a good game. Far from it. The story is written well enough, even if it is little more than an old plot with new names. The flying missions are vivid, but they lack the kind of challenge and longevity that the older games featured. The on-foot missions are an abysmal mishmash of cramped levels and poorly crafted gaming mechanics. Between the lack of difficulty, minimal depth, unreliable aiming and hit detection, you'll wish that the game be over long before you reach the final level. Considering the brevity of the game, that's a bad sign. Don't let the wonderfully detailed graphics and epic presentation fool you, though. Star Fox Assault tries to live up to the standards set by its predecessors, but comes nowhere near achieving them.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 04/23/07