Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"Filthy Muggles..."

As a gamer, rarely, if ever, do you wish to admit to a bad purchase made in the expanding of your video game collection. Alongside your more valued games may lurk the tarnished piece(s) of crap you bought out of hype, out of listening to message board ejaculaters, or out of impulse. Whatever the reason, you know you wish you could go back and erase all knowledge of the offending piece of crap that violently deflowered your coveted collection. I have to admit, purchasing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is one of my failures as a gamer, and quite possibly as a person, really.

You see, I committed one of the worst atrocities a gamer can make. Oh, not just supporting a piece of terribly developed licensed crap with my money, but doing so at full friggin' price. Yep, I did. I understand completely if you wish to now click away. Right you are, as I'm as disgusted with myself as you may be thinking about my admission. Yes, go ahead. Go on, I won't blame you. Farewell....

Well, for those of you who've kindly decided to press on with my recorded admission, I guess I can explain that Chamber of Secrets was an impulse buy for me back at its release in November of 2002 (explanation – not an excuse – really!). I enjoyed the RPG-like Sorcerer's Stone for the Game Boy Color the previous year, and I've been a huge, huge fan of the books since the Summer of 2000, so I thought what the hell. The hell indeed. Little did I know (but should of, I know) what a mistake handing over my $50 would turn out to be. Oh sure, the game fools you into ogling at its great looking visuals when you start out, but the game's appeal is merely a cover for its sinister secret. The crying game here is that Chamber of Secrets is also an absolute vapid piece of garbage.

My apologies for some repetitive description from my other Harry Potter game reviews ahead, but for this game it seems fitting. In this format of a video game, the already told tale of Harry Potter's mysterious second year at Hogwarts school for witches and wizards is horribly blended and presented, as the film version is followed for appearances and some elements from the book are mixed in the overall plot. Nice in theory (best of both worlds, eh?), but horrible in execution, as the films also tend to not have the proper respect for the mostly wonderful books. The same treatment could be described here, as the overall plot is ridiculously condensed more so than in the other console interpretations of the stories combined. I mean, when a full explanation of the secrets of the story can be told in one rushed cut-scene, then folks, it's all gone.

And let me not forget to mention the character Gilderoy Lockhart, year two's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, who doesn't have the exit he gets in the book or film, as he just...disappears without mention; he leaves without explanation. Quidditch (you know, that game played in the book?) is also relegated to a non important afterthought, as well, forcing you to fly through hoops to catch a Snitch.

The overall care, or lack thereof, to the story and its elements makes this adaptation the absolute worst presentation of Harry Potter in Video Game form on a home console. I will say, however, that seeing the characters of Harry, Ron, and Hermoine (along with other students) in robes again after another play-through was quite nice, as they actually looked like members of a secret society as opposed to a lot that stepped out of a GAP/Old Navy ad (whatever). This mistreatment leaves the gameplay to tide us over for the majority of the time, and it ain't that great either.

Along with the underused template of mixing book and film this gaming series would use for the next three installments, The Sorcerer's Stone, The Prisoner of Azkaban, and The Goblet of Fire, we get for gameplay a 3-D Zelda-like treatment selected for use in The Sorcerer's Stone, and Prisoner of Azkaban. As in Zelda, the face buttons allow for mapping of needed items, mostly spells, that you must acquire by going through "classes," which really just involve crawling through tight portals and venturing into dungeons to retrieve the spells. These dungeons have always been the bright spots of this series. Light and breezy, the dungeons have always involved nice little puzzle type elements that allow you to retrieve and use Harry's newly acquired spells.

Unfortunately in this game the spells are only very useful in certain spots, like the dungeons, as their status effects are mostly ignored by any object or person you may want to use them on. And it should be noted, you can only go through each of the dungeons once and then you're pretty much left with the rest of Hogwarts to explore for the remainder of the in-game day, at your leisure, before you decide to retire and start a new one.

Now, before this game's release, the idea of exploring a realized Hogwarts would have set any fan of the books who was also a gamer into complete and utter reverie at all the ideas that could come from such a fantastic premise. What could be more fantastic than to be able to wander about the ancient castle school that contains all sorts of neat secrets? How about an ancient castle school that contains all sorts of neat secrets? Hogwarts, as represented, is absolutely boring. Sure it's grand, but then so are the annoyances with trying to find any fun in exploring the school.

The constant loading times, for instance, are absolutely obnoxious. Trying to get behind one of the allowed doors that are not locked brings about a mire of time that is not worth the rewards of being able to open a door to find...a barren room (you know it's gonna hurt when the loading bar is as long as the screen your playing on). Behind these loading traps are usually various increments of Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans that are used for currency in Fred and George Weasley's shop to buy health items and joke stuff, or a "hidden" witches and wizard card that does nothing but...tell you about famous witches and wizards and adds to your health meter when you acquire a certain amount.

Thankfully, the cards do allow for some interaction in trading with the often simple students who congregate in the halls, for if it was not for their simple mutterings and recognition, I would have gone mad in listening to only the faint music often playing in the background, and Harry's yelps while firing off a spell. The school needs more atmosphere, I say.

With nothing worthwhile in the castle, venturing to the exterior proves to be equally regretful. Once outside, barren courtyards and grasslands for scenery are often the only things to take in, as most of your classmates appear to be shut-ins. When you do come across a student, located at the entrance to Hogwarts, you can race them around Hogwarts on your broom, but that gets rather old rather fast. The alternative is to fly solo around the grounds and while fun at first, you'll be wondering why the hell you're wasting your time flying around with Harry since he is the only one out and about doing anything.

And that is how I felt playing through this rather boring, bland game. I really don't know quite what others see in this game, as I have seen it mentioned as one of the better Harry Potter games from other GameFAQers, even in a Top 10 "best" list, but I found it a great waste of my time and money. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets is another great example of rushed to deadline, horrible licensed ware crafted by devs who lack that magic touch; a template of evil, soulless adaptation with no regard for fun or lasting appeal and done again a year later. I can gladly say, and reassure, that with this game, I learned my lesson well. Since that tragic day in November of 2002, I've loathed this game, but kept it as a reminder never to do this again.

I know of the temptation to go out and buy a newly released licensed game featuring some familiar and favorite characters, but...don't let this happen to you. As for this game, avoid it at all costs – every one – and seek better adventure alternatives. If you are a serious Potter-head, then through my means and methods I can suggest Quidditch World Cup and The Sorcerer's Stone. Quidditch World Cup for its promising take on the magical sport seen only properly in the books, and The Sorcerer's Stone for its more forgiving elements in exploration of Hogwarts and in a bit of replay. Get those two Harry Potter games, and let the rest for the GameCube be mercifully forgotten.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 09/21/07, Updated 09/21/09

Game Release: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (US, 11/14/02)