Cel Damage

"The other other place you'll find action this intense is at a brothel."

Growing up sucks. Do I want to become the lonely, bitter old man who yells at children to get off of the grass in front of his house? No. Do I want to become a faceless member of society, running back and forth to my desk and to my apartment? No. Do I want to grow up? No.

This is why I cherished my childhood. I played in the sand. I giggled (and still do) at “dirty” words. I called my sister a “poop head”. I ate paste. And you know what? I loved it. Childhood was the best time of my life. I had stuffed animals, I had the NES, and I had tons of little kiddy stuff. And to this day, I struggle to keep that childhood alive in me.

What worries me today is the fact that few of my friends have a favorite cartoon character. I asked one what was his favorite cartoon character, and he replied “I never watched cartoons.” I asked him if he was ever in the “wake up early in your PJs and eat cereal on Saturday while watching cartoons” phase, and he replied “No.” What a lost soul! Sitting around on Saturdays and giggling at Bugs Bunny and Marvin the Martian were the best times of my life, and when I try to go back into my childhood by watching cartoons today all I see are gung-ho action filled anime cartoons with “Super cool Pokedigimedamons!” How disgusting. This is why I found Cel Damage so dang appealing. Pseudo Interactive managed to capture the essence of the old Looney Tunes cartoons, even if they make it seem a little more adult.

Cel Damage is a very popular cartoon show in which cartoon characters fight it out in their respective vehicles, and it has grown to have quite a large fan base. These characters are unique and have their own personalities, such as the sexy Dominique Trix to the demonic Sinder. Cel Damage follows no story, but offers tons of maps, modes, and hilarious weapons and jokes to earn the big fat 10.

First of all, I must applaud for Pseudo’s choice in great, likeable characters. In the options menu you’ll be able to see a short video introducing them, and some tell you how they got the job on Cel Damage. Dominique Trix took the producer and “made” him have her on the show, while Sinder, who was just exiled from Hell from being too rambunctious, did a twisted stunt to make the producer go “Hey, your hired!” One of the big rules in character car combat games is to make the characters likeable, and when you got a black and white gangster duck who sports a tommy gun and an anime demon from Asia who loves military weapons, who wouldn’t like them?

Cel Damage is a great departure from the serious, dark car combat games like Twisted Metal. Playing as one of six characters, you’ll battle it out on crazy maps such as a crocodile infested swampland to the star infested regions of space. All characters have a weak default weapon with small homing capabilities. These are rapid fire and are relatively weak, but do well in a pinch. To equip a new weapon such as the axe, you must run over a signpost that has the picture of the weapon on it. Once you done so, you can use the weapon as much as you want until the weapon runs out of power, gas, or ammo. Weapon balance is great. No weapon is actually stronger then the other. Some, like the axe, may leave you with the first impression that they are the best. A player who wields a huge axe can be killed by someone who is carrying only a grenade, and vice versa. Much of the game is locked, and that might dismiss people from getting it. There is only one mode of play first available, and only a few weapons. Once you play a map and win, you unlock the next map in the series and the special weapons that were on that map. I view the locked features as a fun way to add much needed replay to a genre that doesn’t particularly excel in that.

The first and only mode you have at the start of the game is the “SMACKS” mode, where you must be the first to get 500 smacks before anyone else. Smacks are actually kills, and when you hear you have to get 500 of them, your initial reaction will be “That’s too hard!” When you see how intense and fast the action comes, however, you’ll change your mind. Once you win, you’ll feel intense joy and satisfaction due to the fact that the game isn’t particularly easy at all. Once you complete a few levels in the “SMACKS” mode, you’ll earn yourself the honor of a new mode.

Another mode of car bashing fun is the “Flag Relay” mode. In this mode you must find and grab four flags and drive them to the Winner’s Pole. Do this, and you win. Of course, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. The flags, much like everything else in the Cel Damage universe, are alive and do not want to get caught. They’ll run around and dodge your car at last minute. This will easily anger and frustrate some other players, but I found it was the good kind of frustrating. You know what I mean, right? It will make you say “I’ll get you, jerk!” instead of “****! ****! ****!” A word of advice: Once you get four flags, you need to move your butt to the Winner’s Pole, because the rest of the characters will be on you like white on rice.

The last mode, and my least played, is the “Gate Relay” mode. In this mode are two gates on each map. You must run through 20 gates to win. Weapons and usual Cel Damage rules apply, so if someone is ahead of you feel free to smash them with a grenade. This mode is fun because if you use your head and weapons strategically, you’ll be able to use killer shortcuts and win easier. The shortcuts are great once you learn them, but you’ll still need to be on your toes to avoid enemy car fire even when you are in the lead.

Cel Damage force feeds your eye candy and tickles your funny bone with its cel shaded interactive landscapes and cartoon physics. Maps come to life with shocking results: Fire bursts from volcanoes, Venus Flytraps appear out of the foliage to crush your cars, and spider webs fling you into the air. Cartoon physics are firmly in place, and are a blast to watch. Vehicles twist and turn like rubber. When you run off land and fall, you stop for a second and then plummet to your death. Weapons are hilariously oversized. When you get a weapon such as an axe, the front hood of your car opens and wooden arms grab it and hold it in front while you drive. Slowdown and frame rate drops and nonexistent, and with action this hot it’d better be. Colors are bright and textures, while few, look like they should in the 2D-cartoon world. The special intro movies look great, and represent the cartoon quality perfectly. The animation is a trippy mix of “South Park” and “Looney Tunes”, and while reading the mix probably sounds odd looking, but play it and you’ll see that it looks great. The unique, cel shaded graphics will take you back to nostalgia land as you play and remember the quirky, fun cartoons of the past.

The best parts of the audio department come from the absolutely hilarious taunts and voice quips. Sinder, after doing something exciting, goes “Did you pee yourself or was that me?” Dominique Trix lustily yells “Beg me for more!” as she grabs the dashboard and spanks herself. Fowl Mouth, the black and white gangster duck, quips “That’s a fine howdy do!” The voice acting is wonderful, and the voices match the characters superbly. The other sound effects are just as good, as the boings, pows, kabooms, and swishes of the weapons seem to be taken directly from cartoons, and don’t seem generic at all. The background music, on the other hand, was sub par when compared to the great voice acting and sound effects. The music does do the game justice, with cool little tunes that agree with the levels. They repeat quite often, though, and there will be a point when the background tune stops and you’ll not hear any music at all for a few seconds. Its like they had to turn the tape over, or something. Anyway, the music is okay, but the sound effects and excellent voice acting gives this game most of its hilarity.

The Gamecube controller does well, but navigating some of the tighter spots can become tiresome. Also, since the vehicles twist and turn like rubber, you’ll grow a little upset because you reversed too far, too little, etc. It’s hard to judge distances when the cars turn like rubber!

Unlocking all the modes is done within 10-15 minutes of bringing the game home, but completing all the maps and modes, on the other hand, will take a good long time. Another added replay factor is the character finales. Once you complete all the maps and modes with a certain character, you’ll be able to view a finale involving him/her. I assume it’s similar to the intro movies, but I never got one so I cannot be sure. Cel Damage also has four hidden characters, but I’m not telling whom they are or how to get them.

Cel Damage is a great throwback to the classic, old cartoon days. It has unique, great looking graphics, kick ass sound, and hilarious jokes. You’d have to have no sense of humor or be Al Gore not to enjoy and laugh at this great gem of a game.

NOTES:
If this wins ROTW or ROTD, I’ll take a bath with an electric eel.

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 02/28/02, Updated 02/28/02