Mario Party 5

"Quite Possibly the WORST Game of All Time"

If GameFAQs would let me enter a decimal as a score, I would surely do that. The 1 given is very, very generous, and it's really quite alien to me as to how most people rate this game higher than an 8.

Mario Party 5 is, obviously, the fifth installment of a franchise that really doesn't need to exist. I remember I played Mario Party on N64 and it really wasn't that special. But I've moved (geographically speaking) and the only thing that has been available for play was this game. Yes, I had three other people to play with. No, that doesn't make this game fun. On to the review.

Gameplay: (5) This game is a board game.

wow.

The concept is simply amazing, I tell you. Various spots on the game board trigger various games and results. The problem is that the games... well... they're no good. Well over 80% of the game is pure luck or how fast you can push a button. As a matter of fact, my personal favorite Mario Party 5 game is somewhat like Tetris, but I LOSE in it. So why is it my favorite? Because I can win on every game dealing with speed of button pressing, and the random ones are just ridiculous. There's even a game that says ''The results are completely random.'' As a matter of fact, there are a couple of them. If the results are completely random, then why are we interacting with the game to get the results?

On top of that, there are moments where the computer characters seemingly cheat. I've played this game for well over 3000 turns, and never but once did anyone roll double 10s. That character was the computer. Not only did he get a 10 coin bonus for rolling this, but he got a star, and the next star appeared in short enough distance for him to get another star in one roll. More of a coincidence, I think.

Story: (0) Wow. Don't get me going on this. Back in the early to mid-nineties, Nintendo had the gaming industry in the palm of its hand. Then N64, and a slew of ridiculously childish games came out and ruined the perfect name on Ninendo. Then the Gamecube came out, and it seemed like they were trying to redeem themselves.

Nope. This game has the most ridiculous story, even for a child's game. Bowser has entered the ''Dream Depot'' (what the...) and wants to destroy dreams and replace them with his own. He doesn't want to do the dirty work himself, though, and sends his Koopa Kids to invade the dreams.

His kids from Super Mario 3? Nope. Yet another cheap creation by whoever runs Mario these days. There are only THREE Koopa Kids, none of which have a personality at all, and they are named after the colors red, green, and blue.

For some reason, they must sit inside of a dream, which is set up like a board game for convenience's sake, and roll the dice 20 times.

But wait! (Insert your chosen character here) has caught Koopa and is going to stop this from happening.

The story mode only goes to show how little the creators of this game wanted to work. The game is exactly the same each time through, and the only difference I noticed was the names of the chosen characters which were blatantly marked to be changed for a change of character.

The ending is the most sappy, pathetic ending I've seen. I'd rather play Hydlide for NES again and get that ending.

Graphics/Sound: (2) I give this a 2 because there are, indeed, graphics and sound. N64-quality, but they're there nonetheless. This is a Gamecube. These graphics may have been impressive in 1998, but they flat out suck now.

On top of that, there are only 9 or so characters. Since there are no differences whatsoever between the actions of the characters, they could have put every single character ever seen anywhere near any Mario character in this game. Its only a skin. Sheesh.

Every character, also, only says about two or three things. ''I win,'' ''I lose,'' and that may be about it.

The backgrounds are alright, once again, for a N64. Since every possible outcome to the game is on a very, very small course, the graphics should have been phenomenal and blown me away with sheer beauty. There's no excuse for this poor programming.

The music was slapped together in about 30 seconds, it seems, but it does provide to drown out the terrible sound effects and voice acting.

Speaking of which, why is it that nobody really speaks in this game? Bowser has many many lines of dialogue, but only makes a SNES-quality ''roar'' every once in a while.

Playtime/Replayability: (0) I've been ''forced'' to play this game constantly, solo and with friends, for over three weeks. They don't have any other games, and I don't feel the urge to shell out loads of money for another game/system at the moment. Each game is different, yes, but overall it is exactly the same. There are less than five enjoyable minigames, and even those get boring after the third or fourth go around. I saw no redeeming qualities in playing story mode over and over again. I saw no redeeming qualities in playing multiplayer over and over. I saw no redeeming qualities in this game whatsoever. Some people might enjoy this game for hours, but these same people most likely also enjoy lava lamps, The Fast and the Furious, and watching MTV.

Final Recommendation DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME. Ever. You're not missing out on anything at all. It's bad for a Mario game, and it's VERY bad for a video game. I read that there are about 100 minigames. Since less than 10 of those minigames are enjoyable, you're paying either $1 or $5 per good minigame, depending on whether you rent or buy.

Quite frankly, I was shocked after playing this game that people actually like it, and that it got to a fifth installment, and that there will be another one, if not more. If you think pushing buttons really fast is ''kewl,'' or if you feel better about yourself when random wins work your way, then this game is for you. But if you like video games, and like to win them against other people based on your ability to either solve puzzles, your hand/eye coordination, your reflexes, or your general savvy, then this game is not for you.

And lets all hope for the best for those that deserve this game.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 04/06/04