Double Dragon 3: The Arcade Game

"Brought tears to my eyes....It was so EPIC."

So here I am after years of banned accounts and my semi hiatus. I'm back reviewing games. Well, Let's take it way back old school style. I will be reviewing,Double Dragon 3. Let me just tell you right now, this review isn't sunshine and kisses. This game is bad. I mean, I can't even express the emphasis on the word BAD enough. Anyway, I've taking enough of your time. Let's get to reviewing!

***Graphics*** 1/10
They're bad, bordering on late generation NES games. There's so much clipping. The hit detection is completely nerfed. You could stand in front of two guys with them hitting you, but you won't be able to hit them since the animations go right through them. It makes the game impossible to beat with out tremendous practice. The environments are very flat, and just feels lifeless. The art, wait what art? They've been using the same designs since Double Dragon 1. Double Dragon 1 is infinitely better then this game in terms of appeal. Yeah, DD1 might not be graphical up to standard with this, but In my honest opinion DD1 looks better. Simply because it didn't seemed rushed, and the art\environment\characters were all great for their time. Unlike this which has no appeal what so ever.

***Sound***1/10
Terrible, what happened to the good music? I mean that was another feat DD was known for. Damn good music. No, what you get here is some convoluted cheese rock & unknown epic sounding music. Everything is out of place. The music choice doesn't even fit the levels. Most of the time you're thinking "What the hell? Why are they playing this type of music for this level. It's so out of place." Oh, and that's just the BGm. Let's talk about environment sounds. Ripped straight from the Nes version DD3. Nothing more nothing less. That's it. That should be explanation enough. Have fun hearing "Ugh" Huh Pish Psh" in NES 8bit sound.

***Controls*** 1/10
What a train wreck. I would at least thought the controls would be an ounce better then the NES version. NOOOO, don't think so. You know, I like hard games. They're great, but I don't like hard games without reason. This game is tremendously difficult. With poor controls it just takes the cake. Couple that with the nerfed hit detection. Oh man, you're in for a hair raising experience. Let's talk about how certain moves just don't come out. We all know the spin kick right? Sure we love the spin kick, try doing it in DD3, I bet you nail it 20% of the time. I don't know why, or for what purpose, but whenever you really want to do it, it just doesn't come out. But when you don't want to do it, you preform it. It's very annoying. Especially when you are getting reared in a corner by some dudes that look like they shop at The Village People version of Hot topic. You only have a few moves to. Punch, punch& kick & two throws & jump. That's it. Oh, and there all underpowered to. Takes like four combos to kill a little street punk. Nooo, but low and behold when your enemies attack you, they have the spirit of Bruelee in them. So you're getting tossed aside like the pretty boy you truly are.

***Gameplay*** 1/10
Ha, I bet about 1/10,000 people have the probability of beating this game. That, and I bet 1/1,000,000 ever beat this game in the Arcade. When it was released in the Arcade it was a quarter eater. That's what it was meant to do. Why on earth they didn't nerf the difficulty for the home versions is beyond me. Let me start off by saying the cpu loves to gang you. I mean, they love to love you real close. Like breathing on your neck close. It's always the same two guys to in certain levels. One gets you from behind one get you from the front. It's a never ending thing with these dudes. So,any logical person would try to spin kick out of the situation. Wrongo, because spin kick barley works because of the horrible animation and clipping and delay. So, there you are getting slaughtered until you finally die. No, but low and behold, you are not officially messed up yet. Since they're shops in the beginning of certain levels where you can buy "special moves\Extra men". No, there extra men come in the form of "Generic Big Muscle guy that's American" " Stereotypical China man " Oh, and the China man is really fat, and he can't fight. Though he knows Kung Fu. His best attack is belly flop which misses 90% of the time. So now you have these extra guys who are useless to you. And you just realized those credits in the beginning are important, because they're tied in with your normal life. So once they are gone you're screwed. But wait, there's more. You just realized all this to late and already bought those useless things in the shop. So now, you are not only screwed out of your 1ups you are also screwed out of continues. By the way, this is all happening in level four when you realize that the people you are fighting kill you in three hits. So now you are dead. You are mad, and you want to give up, but you don't and continue all over again to have the same thing happen YET AGAIN. That's the core gameplay right there. That's the gist of it. Nothing more nothing less.

***Story***3/10
What story? Oh you mean Billies girlfriend gets kidnap. You wonder why she got kidnapped? Billy was to busy struggling with two unknown goons. He blames it on the clipping and nerfed hit dectection So anyway. This old lady out of no where appears. Like POW IN YOUR FACE. She tells you to collect some stones to set your girlfriend free. So you and your homeboy. JimmyToPretty set off to gather them and set her free.......Yeah, that's it. :O)

***Overall*** 1/10
I regret playing this game. It's like one of those times you broke something and blamed it on someone else. That type of nagging feeling. Don't buy it, don't rent it, don't steal it. Don't do anything with it. Just pretend it doesn't exist. That only DD1 and DD2 exist. You will be better off and a much happier person. I guarantee it.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 10/17/06