Shaq-Fu

"Avoid this game lik the plague!"

Please note that I meant to put a decimal point before that 2 in my rating. Somebody please pull the trigger. Even Shaq Diesel himself shook his head in shame upon this game's release (which nobody showed up to, similar to Shaq's CD releases). By the way, it's fitting that Shaq is sometimes refered to as ''Shaq Diesel'' because I smell a tremendous amount of gas from this game, and quite frankly it stinks.

Story - Words don't exist to describe the shear low quality that this game possesses, but let me try to invent one - ''craptastic''. In other words, the story reeks. Shaq fighting monsters? please! I'm just dissappointed that Shaq didn't get lost in the second world - where he belongs.

Graphics - 4/10 Not bad, a little bit lower than bad actually, but not disgusting. Graphics are a vital part to a good fighting game, but gameplay is what truly makes it or breaks it. I wish there were some fatalities, so I could do them on Shaq. Electronic arts, here is a hint, stick to sports games and stay far away from Shaq, even if it's a basketball game. Seriously, after this little stint, he doesn't deserve to be in another game.

Gameplay - crap/10 I know ''crap'' is not a real number, but it suits the gameplay so well. In all seriousness though, the weak gameplay and lack of moves only increase the level of craptivity in this game.

Craptivity - 10/10 The only strong point this game has. Bang up job to the guys who made this game (Delphine Software - what were you thinking?). I know you guys had a spotty record at best, but damn.

Sound - 5/10 Not bad, but not great either. I'm just happy that they didn't put songs from Shaq's albums in the game.

Shaq's albums - 0/10 see ''Sound''.

Replay Value - I'll save you the time and simply tell you that there is none. When I played this game, words from the late Edgar Allen Poe came to mind, ''never more''.

Rent or buy? Right now I'm trying to think of a funny way to tell you that you shouldn't even be asking this question. My prayers only go out to the poor kids who got this very ''special'' present in the christmas in 1994. If you want to learn my definition of special, simply read the first sentence in the ''Story'' section.

Shaq, with this game and your CDs, the only advice I have to offer is don't quit your day job. Please. For the love of your fans.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 06/28/01, Updated 06/28/01