Zero Wing

"I will not and a lame ass "All your base" joke in my text."

As much as I am a fan of all kinds of games...this kind of game is really....well...bleh. It's alright for about an hour, then you question why you are not just eating paint chips. I remember playing this game when no one cared about that intro crap, we played it just because we had nothing better to do and didn't make continuously lame jokes about the way it was translated. Because at that time no one gave a damn. Unfortunately the game was as lame then as it is now. Maybe its just not my nature to enjoy these types of games, but I think I would rather take a giant swig of acetic acid than play this one again, or hear some geek make an ''all your base'' joke. Gah. Enjoying this game is about as stupid as making a joke about it.

Story-2/10
Well the basic story is that uhh...you are some plane killing the evil bad guy or some crap. Do you want to fall asleep yet? You should be. Not much effort was put into developing this games story, because that was not meant to be its strong point. If you play this game for the story is like trying to find a sober person in Russia. You're not gonna find one. The idea is to fly around in your stupid little plane and shoot things. That’s NOT supposed to have a story. Or God save us all.

Gameplay-4/10
Well I guess I can say it had ''almost par'' gameplay. Sometimes you are in the mood to fly around and shoot things, and that’s where Zero Wing will come in handy. But if you have that urge to have fun, Zero Wing will be a bad choice and that kid with downs syndrome will laugh at you. If he knows how. I guess it can sometimes be kind of interesting, but that is after some LSD and a nice game of Russian roulette. This is about the only thing this game can offer, so if you need to find a reason behind playing this game...I guess this would be it, but that’s really sad.

Audio/Video-5/10
I will only give this a medium score because of that little plane...I thought it was funny. It is a good enough plane to bring up the bad music. The visual aspects of this game were not bad though, pretty good for the time. Still, I don't think anyone plays games for only the graphics (outside Square Fanboys). The graphics look like it was the only part of the game that the developers didn’t put off to snort cocaine. Good for them, they can actually get things accomplished...too bad making a good game is out of the question.

Replayability
Well...I guess if you are bored you would play this game over. If you have a stable mental history then you wont want to even finish this. Its not worth your time to play or replay if you have not figured out by now, do the world a favor and wipe this games terrible existence and those damn lame ass jokes out of our lives forever.

Buy or Rent
This game would not be worth the effort of looking for to buy or rent. Renting this game would be stupid when you can just buy the craptacular game for the same price. So if you must experience this ''craze'' then try hard enough and look for a store that wants to go out of business that will have this game for sale. Buy it then run out of the store because it will probably implode any second afterwards.

Another day, another bad game is seen by my eyes. They should change the saying to ''another day, another crappy game'' or something. Most of these games cannot offer you anything except the fact of it will destroy your brain cells if you play it for too long. Do yourself a favor and don't play this game, rather do something that won't hurt you in the end. Playing this game would be like stabbing your own mother.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 10/11/01, Updated 10/11/01