Batman Forever

"It hurts...please, make it stop..."

Yout thought this was a Batman game? Silly fool. No, this is yet another symptom of Acclaim's mid 90s jihad against good taste in video games. They used the same strategy that the Core team later adapted. Step 1: Design a video game formula that is absolutely terrible and has few redeeming features, and yet is inexplicably appealing in the eyes of the adolescent public. E.g., Mortal Kombat, Tomb Raider. Step 2: Repeat the process ad nauseam, raking in millions of dollars all the while. E.g., the seemingly endless slew of hideous MK and TR sequels.

This game was Probe's Great Experiment, which consisted of two adjustments to the Mortal Kombat Formula. The first adjustment: Make it an action/adventure game instead of a tournament/fighting game. They later repeated this with MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero, and may God have mercy on your soul if you know firsthand how they turned out.

The second, intended to disguise the Experiment in the unlikely event of its failure, was to not make it a MK game at all, but a Batman Forever game. This also ensured that no matter whether the game was a creative failure or not, it would become a commercial success. After all, the game-buying public loves movie adaptations.

What we have here is a vicious insult upon the injury of the film of the same name. Either Batman, Robin, or (holy of holies) the Dynamic Duo in tandem can traipse through eight badly-drawn stages which roughly follows the plot of the movie (not as if that's any saving grace), fighting criminals whose motion-capture work was done by stunt-players with head and spinal injuries. Thank God the industry got over that mania for motion-cap. Almost as bad as the needless FMV that predated it.

They're armed with a variety of handy Bat-gadgets, like ankle and wrist braces, tranquilizers, and the ever-popular Batarang. But instead of these being easily accessed from their utility belts, the player must perform an absurd sequence of button taps. You remember: all that ''Down, Forward, Down, Back, A, B, A, A, Up, Forward, Back, Forward, A'' crap that substituted for depth and intuitive gameplay. If you're smart enough to say to hell with that, the Dark Knight and Boy Wonder have impressive martial-arts skills. Only the controls are as stiff and unresponsive as the body of Richard Nixon, meaning that half the time it's the freaks in the leather S&M outfits or bright yellow suits who're going to be slapping you, and not vice versa.

The music is nothing terrible, so the sound would've received a ho-hum evaluation if not for the ridiculous vocalizations that emanate every time someone is hurt: a cheesy grunt rivaled only by the tinny, muffled explosions as the effect the sound team is most ashamed of.

There really is no excuse for games this terrible. One and a half points, mostly for the multitude of secret areas squirreled throughout the game.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 06/17/02, Updated 06/17/02