Double Dragon

"The Lee Brothers battle rival gangs and bad hairdos"

First the good news - the game is short. Now for the bad news, the rest of it.

Gameplay: 1/10 - Some of the cheapest AI I've ever seen, the computer will follow your every move, especially when there are two enemies on the screen and both will move up exactly when you do, and down as well, creating more sandwich action than an oreo cookie... oh yeah, if you face more than one enemy without the baseball bat... you're probably gonna die.

Graphics: 1/10 - Billy must be short for Billy Ray Cyrus, in his early days when his hair was blonde... strangest of all is that this guy actually has an afro AND a mullet, I thought the two negated each other. It also looks like part of the initiation into the Double Dragon gang was to get breast implants, because the brothers are packing some massive mammories.

Controls: 3/10 - In this version of Double Dragon, you can play two players simulataneously, instantly doubling the amount of advil you will need for your headaches after dying to the second enemy. Another thing, if you see our review for Double Dragon III for the NES, you will notice how we comment on how the developers borrowed some of Steven Segal's most lethal moves (such as a roundhouse kick that can't even get above his waist), looks like they followed the same procedure, but they mainly used moves from Exit Wounds. Authors note: The only exit wounds Steven Segal has are from his triple by-pass surgery. Looks like Segal's toughest enemy is the convient mart that sells him the Ho-Hos.

Sound: 3/10 - Sounds like the original Double Dragon theme song if you were listening to it underwater. The whole song you hear throughout the game must be a MIDI that the developers liked a lot, cuz it's the only thing you hear. Worse sounds that Everlast's CD, which only sold 40,000. Let me put it to you this way, Deon Sanders released an album and it sold 9,000.

The Story: This gang kidnapps your girlfriend, that's it. Damn, Ugly and the Dirty Sanchez from Bangbus do this on a daily basis, and nobody attacks them. The weirdest part is that the game has nothing to do with dragons, let alone two of them.

Final Thought: When Santa Claus ran out of lumps of coal back in '94, he used Double Dragon for the Sega Genesis.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 08/22/02, Updated 08/22/02