Dark Castle

"AHHH! My freaking brain!!!"

Dark Castle...sounds cool doesn't it, gives you the feeling that you're going to be trekking through a haunted castle killing goons and all that good crap. Well it's not! This is without a doubt THE WORST game of all time. Good god what the hell were the people at EA smoking when they ported this game to Genesis?! It is the single worst game I have EVER...and I mean EVER(hey and I've played A LOT of games) played! You will literally cry by the 5th minute you play this game and I am not kidding.

Graphics: 1
Nintendo games have better graphics than this, the first Castlevania would seem revolutionary standing next to this! This is an abomination, the main character is like dressed in rags or something you can even tell. The sad things is sometimes there are bumps in the floor that you have to jump over, if you don't you die, this guy can't even step down without killing himself.

Sounds: 2
Ah earplugs, I would kiss the man who invented them after playing this game. By the time of the intro you listen to the Dracula music and you're thinking ''Hey this might be cool, Manji must have been stoned or something'' but then you play the game and BAM! You damn well better build a shrine for me and pray for your life for not listening to me. The bats shriek like the most annoying things in the world and the main character can only grunt and say ''Whoa!'' when he falls. Wow.

Controls: 1
Horrible, just horrible. You may spend hours trying to adapt to this game's controls. You actually have to adjust your aim to attack enemies, but guess what? They come back! Aiming then shooting is a never ending cycle!

Story: 1
Crappy, crappy, crappy. Basically you run around collecting keys and if you pick the wrong key you die! That's the worse basis for a game ever!

Funitivity: 1
Please do not at all get near this game unless you're suicidal and are planning to kill yourself, you will then realize how precious life is compared to this game. Here's how the gameplay goes: You jump over stairs you die, you get hit by a bat you die, you get walk over a rat you die, you walk over a bump you die.

Rent or buy? You should burn this game and send it to hell, Dark Castle you go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 03/01/03, Updated 03/01/03