Shaq-Fu

"Why y'all hatin'?"

When people talk about the most universally hated games of all time, it almost invariably becomes a contest of one-upping each other with half-truths and ridiculous complaints. While a few truly heinous games do exist they rarely are critiqued as so, most likely because their flaws are far less humorous. Instead, a select few other games have become infamous because of their premises. These games have been the butt of a seemingly endless barrage of jokes and victim to so much masturbatory one-upping over the years that as a result they have practically become urban legends.

It should be no surprise that Shaq Fu, starring basketball hero Shaquille O'Neal, is a charter member of this group. Over the years, Shaq Fu's reputation has become so outrageously bad and its flaws have been exaggerated so far that Shaq Fu, above all others, is most commonly remembered as the worst game of all time. As a result of unfounded complaints and prejudice, a great injustice has been done to Shaq Fu, which is in truth far from abysmal.

Why haven't people given Shaq Fu a chance? Other games with far stranger premises, and other games with far weaker gameplay are remembered much more happily than this fighter. A series starring an Italian plumber and featuring a cast of other ''interesting'' characters exploring outlandish areas, traveling through pipes, and collecting mushrooms and ''super stars'' is universally remembered as one of the greatest, yet a game starring an African-American role model who explores another world is remembered as one of the worst. Another series, where gamers take on the roles of mainly Asian and White characters that do a number of far more unbelievable things, including but not limited to traveling to the moon to save the world from a kooky old moon man, rejoining against all odds to take on 3 statues and the clown-like man controlling them, hunting down the silver-haired object of every fat girl's dreams, fighting a sorceress from the future who speaks in all capital letters, and to be honest I had no idea what was going on in the other games. The point is, if people can follow Final Fantasy's bizarre storylines, then why can't they handle Shaq Fu's far more simplistic and believable storyline through a little suspension of disbelief? Why does the one game starring a basketball player get the proverbial shaft while all these other stranger games do so well? The answer, in case you haven't seen it coming a mile away, is prejudice towards Shaq. Possibly even racism in some cases. Instead of assessing the quality of Shaq Fu objectively, the average gamer saw it as a novelty experience where they could play the ''worst'' game of all time.

So don't you dare tell me that Shaq Fu is simply an inferior game. I was just about to get into that - I don't think it is.

Shaq Fu was one of the first games to use a new process called rotoscoping for its animation. The process of rotoscoping involves motion-capturing live actors doing the many awesome moves found in this game, and as a result the animation is extremely smooth. The graphics are also pretty excellent, effectively displaying the bleak atmosphere of the second world. The result is a world that is murky, dark, dank, uninviting, and a brilliant shade of crimson as Shaq fulfills the prophecy and lays the Shaqdown on his opponents.

Considering that games today still have laughable storylines, the complaints against 1994's Shaq Fu and its storyline are exceptionally baseless. Also, who the hell plays a fighting game for its storyline? What, do people play Tekken and expect the next Hamlet or something? Hell, even the big name RPGs fall short in the storyline department, so it takes a very special kind of reject to complain about the what-you-see-is-what-you-get plot of Shaq Fu. Actually, I do enjoy the simpler design of a game like Shaq Fu's plotline to that of a Final Fantasy game, because I at least know it won't let me down.

I'd reckon Shaq Fu's original soundtrack is the game's weakest point. Instead of featuring Shaq himself rapping, or even hiring other famous artists to lay down hot tracks for fighting, an all-original score was composed featuring a beeping instrument of sorts. While Shaq Fu's beatz and beepz are cool, I would have much rather seen the bonus CD included with the game somehow incorporated into the actual game. I find that slamming on Sett-Ra's minions is much more fun with Shaq's beatz on the stereo. Not to mention the beeps do get on my nerves after a while. Anyway the electronic soundtrack it does feature isn't half bad either. In short it has a very middle eastern feel to it and serves its purpose.

On the gameplay end Shaq Fu fares pretty well. The action is smooth and runs at a decent framerate, never slowing down and always delivering high-octane in-your-face thrills. Right at Shaq's arrival in the second world you may notice that this fighter is pretty unique - it includes a Shaqtastiq world map! Anyway, you run around the map and find a place to fight, keeping Shaq's mission in mind. While there are a dozen characters to choose from, Shaq will almost certainly get the most use. His sprite may seem a little small but that's basically the only complaint I have about Shaq's portrayal in this game. All characters in this game have some pretty sweet moves, especially Shaq. Nezu has a pretty dominating force-field move, the old guy is plain old tough, and Sett will give Shaq a genuine challenge with his mummy skills. Utilizing Shaq's versatile selection of special moves is the key to winning against another human player. Usually jumping up and slamming on enemies is good enough, but when Shaq can take the open shot a Shaq-Uriken might come in handy. Strategy should be the key to winning battles against the AI, unfortunately the gameplay is imbalanced in that respect. Shaq can win just by trapping his enemies in the corner.

More importantly, can you have fun with this game? It's a fighting game, of course it is. While Shaqing ass in story mode can wear thin because of the brainless AI, ''Shaqing off'' (playing Shaq Fu) with friends is where the most fun can be found. After winning as Shaq (laying the Shaqdown) and seeing him perform the ''Shaq shuffle'' (his victory taunt) there's a great opportunity for trash talking and joking around. I always throw out my favorite Shaq sayings. ''All you jealous punks can't stop my dunks, supercalifragilisticexpialicrunchous, why be plain when you can be crunchy?, I'll have a Shaq Pack'' and so on. Playing Shaq Fu with the blood code on along to Shaq's raps while drinking plenty of Pepsi and eating plenty of Crunch bars adds an almost ethereal feeling to the gameplay, at least to me. Gimmicky or not, it sure is fun. Perhaps this knowledge will help enhance your gaming experience as well.

Whether Shaq Fu is just a novelty to gamers or not, the reputation it has gotten over the years is undeserved. That horrible infamy is the result of complaints ''geniuses'' who thought they would be witty by over-exaggerating its faults and, inevitably, it flopped because of said whining. While most gamers didn't see through the gossip and BS, most gaming magazines gave the game a score of 50%-70%, a score I agree with. However, to help clear up the reputation brought on by these kings of comedy, I will be scoring Shaq Fu a ten despite its flaws simply because I can. You guys who downplay Shaq Fu were never funny, go pick up a basketball and live a little before you knock the man, his game, and his lifestyle.

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 01/01/04