Shaq-Fu

"Shaq-a-raqa cruddariffic!"

What can be said about Shaq-Fu? It's a magnificent effort, pushing the boundaries of what the Genesis could achieve with its amazing motion-capture graphics. But don't just take one simple description to define the crud that Shaq-Fu is. Take your own time to play this game (although I am loathe to call it that), and judge for yourself. If you haven't gouged your eyes out from the lameness of the attacks after a few minutes, you may be ready to move onto the rest of the game. So, let's get to it.

Premise: 0/10

Let's face it: Shaq in a fighting game. I don't know about you, but when I think about the premise of this game, it makes me want to hunt down the guys that thought it up, and ask them one simple question: ''Can I buy some pot from you?'' Because, it must be really great stuff that they're smoking to make this sound like a good idea. I don't know about you, but the idea of Shaquille O'Neal being the one saving the world from an invasion from a Second World really doesn't seem, you know, good. Or decent. Or even on par with Hoshigami. Instead, it makes me want to ask, ''Can I buy some pot from you?'' just for the serious amount of horribleness that came out of it. I really can't figure out what was the inspiration behind this game, besides cashing in on the Shaq craze of the period (which I can't understand, since, having seen Shaq's movies, I can honestly say that the Shaq craze was something that wasn't very attractive at all.). And the Second World Fighters? What a WONDERFUL name! I wonder if the makers of this game realised that there was already a second world. Maybe if there's a sequel, it could have the Third World Fighters. But then that would probably be libel against the good people in those poor countries. Which is a good thing.

Story: 2/10

Yes, it's technically called 'story'. Although, it's quite unbelievable on every facet. Sure, I could believe that Shaquille O'Neal could go to Japan, and that karate dojo have dimensional gateways in them, but I still can't believe that it's really Shaq in here. Because while it's alrightly done in the graphics department, it just doesn't look like Shaq. Well, that's not true. If I don't wear contacts or glasses and poke myself in the eyes a couple time, then maybe 'Shaq' and real Shaq will look close. Still, that's too much to do, so don't bother. Instead, go through the battles laden with stereotypical fighters with more stereotypical names. Still, it's a fresh and original concept, and more than many (and much worse) fighters have tried. Even though it was for all the wrong reasons, Shaq-Fu deserves a little recognition here.

Music: 0/10

If anyone here has played Hoshigami, please raise your hand. If you play/have played Shaq-Fu, now you can morally say that Hoshigami does not have the worst music you have ever heard. Amazingly enough, Shaq-Fu seems to have been made with the idea in mind that all coming contenders to the worst OST title would be shot down by this 'winner' from the past. Indeed, the sounds of Shaq-Fu are more reminiscent of the Atari than the Genesis. Except the Atari sounded better, most of the time. The music is dull and repetitive, with unusual rhythms that aren't attractive at all. In fact, it's not so much music as it is just strung-together versal phrases. Still, it's an effort, and as an effort, it fails. Badly.

Gameplay: 1/10

Well, what can be said about the gameplay? It's simplistic, too fast, way too easy, and gets old quick. That's it.

Graphics: 4/10

Alright, here's the thing. Shaq-Fu's graphics aren't entirely bad. There's a few glimmers of unfulfilled promise in them, and for the time, they're actually not bad at all. Still, they're not really wonderful, and sorta bland (even if it is not-so-badly-done-blandness). Still, for the time, Shaq-Fu almost had something going on for it aside from the shock premise of being a Shaq game. The only real bad part of the graphics that stands out is that 'Shaq' doesn't look like Shaq. Ah well, it's still the high point of the game.

Overall: 2/10

Well, Shaq-Fu isn't entirely unplayable, but it tries it's best to drive you away. Still, it's fun to play for a lark and the entertainment value of playing such an arguably bad game. Either way, someone's going to enjoy this, so to them, I say good tidings, and to everyone else, I leave this warning so that they know what they may be getting themselves into.

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 03/15/04